You have a lot going on in your mind Victoria, so well done if you can get through a novel! I currently have 6 books waiting to be finished!

I don’t know why the time comes up as early on the posts, it’s the same time where I am as where you are.

Btw, your phone breaking could have been the best thing to happen you this weekend! Sometimes I wonder would it better altogether if the power is taken out of my hands altogether!

Also, you tried a new society? That’s fantastic. I will not do anything new at the moment, I can’t even manage some things I’ve done before even, like going for dinner! However my therapist says the only way to combat fear and anxiety is to keep doing things as you’ve always done. The more I crouch away from things, the bigger the anxiety gets. So he says, the more I face the fear, the smaller it gets a shrinks back.

Fingers crosses! Thinking of Kkasxo at the wedding today, hope she gets through it ok and kudos to her for getting the courage to go.

Victoria,

I’m afraid none of the posts on the thread have the edit button on the grey line with the date. I’ve searched all around and can’t find a way of deleting or editing a post, I’m sorry.

S

Victoria,

Im extremely lucky that the people I surround myself with are true genuine and caring people. Actually I’ve known many of them for most of my life and they are like gold to me. Though our lives have taken us all in different directions, I feel I still have them all and I appreciate them.

I think if you feel you have nothing in common with that group, then that’s a totally legitimate reason to find a new tribe!

Also in relation to your query to Anita about the post, I started this thread and am happy to remove your post if it can be done. I just don’t know how?

I am supposed to be staying at a friends tonight. She as a small baby which is a distraction but she also suffers with severe anxiety herself at times and really gets it.

anita,

Thanks for your insight, I really appreciate your point of view and perspective.

S

I don’t know if anything will help with the anxiety at present however until the heartbreak eases a little. If it ever does!

Victoria,

It sounds like you are going through the mill. I really feel for you, it’s not easy. I agree that it was probably the best thing for you to do. It was causing you even more anxiety trying to keep the relationship going on top of trying to deal with your own personal issues.

I feel like we have no choice but to keep going now. In a way, we are where we are and must play the cards we have been dealt. But I don’t want to play this game, I don’t want to play at all.  A month ago I wanted more from my ex and it was tough but I was still a lot happier than I am now. This is not fun.

Mad for the opinions of others, they are most definitely acting in my best interests. They are protecting me and trying to prevent any further damage to me in this process. A friend I met yesterday evening said that my ex doesn’t deserve me. He said that for all his talk of being afraid and unable to make a decision, if he loved me the way I loved him, he would have picked up the phone. It was hard to hear.

I actually don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have this forum to post on with people who understand.

@Kkasxo,

I too had a horrendous night. The dreams are a killer, taking you from fantasy to reality with a bang. Even if your ex reached out, nothing can be solved right now. He’s away for a boozy weekend and your doing your best to get through a wedding. At least if he’s blocked you can just focus one hurdle at a time. A few days won’t make a difference.

I was going to text my ex last night, I thought Fri night would be the best opportunity. He might be out socialising so might be a little looser and therefore might respond. If it goes pear-shaped I have the weekend to try & pick myself up again….. but in the end I didn’t. Something stopped me. The niggling voice that says, he made the decision, if he wants to change it, he will make contact, which he hasn’t.

So here I am, another ‘wonderful’ morning and I’m struggling.

S x

Kkasxo,

My nickname is Shelby, so you can continue on with that if you’d like!

Thanks so much for those comforting words. My sister is my rock and I nearly felt I had lost her this evening too, but actually it was probably more closer to the realisation that I have lost him. That a relationship could never work with him when people vehemently believe its wrong, they can’t all be wrong, right?

Btw- when we split before I went to a wedding a fortnight later. I didn’t want to miss it as I mentioned previously, because I would regret it. I was anxious going but I made the best of it and took some photos of me looking the best I could! Which was such a lie as I was dying inside, but to this day, I’m glad I didn’t miss it. There were times it was tough but there were times I didn’t feel as bad at it and I think you’ll get distracted enough to keep you going.

S x

Kkasxo,

Well done on blocking him. That’s proactive and smart, given the weekend that’s in it.

I was working late but had a breakdown at my sisters. I think people underestimate the pain we are going through and I explained that although I’m doing everything I’m told, everything you’re supposed to, when you break up with someone, I still want to be with him and contact him and the fact I haven’t is down to a more than human effort at restraint. She told me to never ever contact him ever and when I explained that I’m human and broken hearted so I can’t guarantee it won’t happen, she said ‘It’s him or me, ‘cos I’ll kill him if I ever see him’. She said ‘you can NEVER go back to him’ and basically it all hurt too much and I left her place in a ball of tears.

Maybe because she was right or maybe because she was ruling out any possibility of a reconciliation. Either way, it’s been one of my more difficult days to date.

@anita

Thanks for your explanation but I have to admit, I find it all a bit hard to understand. I kind of see what you mean but I don’t know how it pertains to my relationship heartbreak now in this moment of my life. And if there is a way of mending it?

Kkasxo,

That truly is a friend who would just stay with you in silence. I find it hard to be on my own as really bad feelings seep in and I can’t shake myself out of it. Heartbreak, yes, but also anxiety and all of it shit.

I didn’t know you’re a bridesmaid – that’s very strong of you. Well done, you won’t regret missing a very special day in your friend’s life when you feel better years down the road. My guess is your guy ain’t gonna be up to much this weekend, he’ll just drink into oblivion I would imagine which tends to be many guys’ response to any type of emotion. So don’t focus on it, think there is no-one else existing anywhere but at your friends wedding this weekend.

You could mention to your friend you won’t be there for the bouquet toss and just head to the bathroom or you could just stand on the edge and hopefully let someone else catch it.

I may try Netflix this weekend, thank you.

Feel free to post at any time if you’re finding it difficult, it’s not exactly as if I’ll be off doing anything fun!

S x