Kkasxo,

Thank you for saying that, because honestly it feels sometimes like I’m suffering worse than most normal people and that I am actually not physically or mentally able to deal with heartbreak and should never have risked it in the first place as I’m not strong like other people. It’s the most painful thing I’ve experienced and that’s saying something as I’ve already suffered loss in the past.

I think it’s completely normal that your rational brain doesn’t operate on full throttle during a breakup, the book you’re reading does indeed make it all seem more like it makes sense. As for the comment by my therapist, he did indeed say if I was in my 20s I would have given him more time, but he suspected that even if I gave him 10 years, he wouldn’t have changed and I’ve have wasted a lot more time and more heartache. For me however, it never seemed to bother me to ‘waste time’ as I still feel he was my shot at happiness and that I have no interest, nor will I find anyone I have the same or better connection with. So there’s my difficulty too, I can’t see much ahead which would entice me to move on.

You on the other hand are young, you strike me as kind, funny, smart, loving a determined! Even though I don’t know you, just what I’ve observed through communication. So I have a feeling that if you set your mind to it, you could eventually fall out of love with your ex and meet someone one day (if you wanted) who would love you beyond doubt.

Thanks for your advice this morning.

Kkasxo,

Wow, that’s incredible. Well done. If you feel it’s your gut telling you that, then you’ve got to a better place. Sometimes it can be a sense of too much damage has been done and you’re gunshy. I remember a couple of times I had an upsetting few days with my ex and then we’d sort it but I wouldn’t feel ‘right’ straight away. I used to say I feel fragile or bruised.

You’ve been through a lot the past few months and sometimes the rationale can outweigh the heart, it sees how much damage has been done and would indicate how can something work after so much trauma leaving scar tissue?

I know you’ll still feel broken and still miss him, that’s going to continue but I wonder will you start to heal now, is that the acceptance we are looking for? I hope so.

Ive had a bad evening and night. Terrible night’s sleep, nightmares and anxiety. I did a lot of meditation but I don’t know if it helped. You would hope that after one month things would be better than after one week, but it’s actually getting worse I’d say. I’m not sure what to do at this stage.

Well my therapist we can’t control what others do, only how we react. So ideally it would be better if he didn’t contact you but you can’t control that, so all you can control is how to react.

Ao hopefully he’s fully blocked now and if he finds a way you will be able to just push it aside, delete and pretend it didn’t happen. It’s so cruel that you feel terrible now after contact, but I guess that tells you something about your healing process too. Contact doesn’t help.

Im sure my ex was a bit exasperated when I contacted him the other day, as he was probably just trying to move on as best he can. But we’re human and we can’t help our human feelings. Unfortunately I think our feelings, or rather our hearts, are not to be trusted during heartbreak. I think they guide us to do things that are ultimately not helpful just because it can’t deal with withdrawal.

Do you want to try a 48hour no contact exclusion zone with me (who is dying to call her ex too) and see how we get on? We can review it again on Saturday afternoon!

Kkasxo,

Thank you for saying that. It makes me sad that i feel I can’t have a happy life without him. To be honest, I’ve always put people before myself. Is what I’m known for, I’m reliable and caring. I really really cared about him and ensuring he reaches fulfilment and happiness. I saw so much potential, but just so much fear. I thought I could help him and in the end he said there was nothing wrong with him and that he didn’t need help.

I got up out of bed this morning, went to my friends house who has the baby and we had coffee and went for a walk.

Mom doing things the whole time as per advice, but I still feel low. I’m afraid I’ll never get over him and will always miss him while he moves on with his life as though I never meant anything.

I did go above and beyond for him. I realise that, but I believed he was worth it. I can never ever imagine loving anyone the way I love him.

I’m so broke from therapy the gym might not be an option at the moment but I’ll avail of free exercise when I can! I bet you look amazing since you started x

Dogs are awesome. They just know, ya know?!

I am struggling again this morning. I don’t know what it is about the mornings, my tummy is upside down with anxiety or heartbreak, I’m not sure what it is. From about 4am you could set your watch by it.

I don’t feel like contacting him which I suppose is a blessing but that’s purely to do with the fact that I know his morning routine and it would leave little opportunity for reply.

Ive been thinking so much the past week about trying to reconcile. Is this the ‘bargaining’ stage or am I still in early stages trying to retrieve what’s lost? I don’t know. It’s not a possibility from his point of view or with the context of everyone being wholeheartedly against it.

Many people reading this might wonder why it’s primarily not a possibility from MY point of view most importantly. I deserve better, why don’t I know that?

Im off work today so I guess it about trying to fill the hours again….

Totally! October 2019 for sure. I’ll be so mortified if I’m still pining over my ex and you are like….seriously?! It’s been a year Shelby!!

Im going for dinner with my sisters this weekend. Nervous, but that’s just the anxiety talking. Plus the fact that I haven’t worn makeup bar a scrape of foundation to get me through work in a month! Or done my hair! I don’t even wear nice clothes, I wash the same outfits each week for work. The thoughts of glamming up, and I used to love doing makeup. 🙁

I understand exactly what you mean. I’ll admit it- my life did revolve around my relationship and I don’t know how to fill my time now. I used to be so excited to do things with him, always coming up with ideas for little enjoyable things we could do.

Now I have nothing to fill the time and honestly, I could pencil in a dozen activities a week but I just have no interest. Things are more fun for me with a partner. And yes, I’m aware that can’t be a good thing. Find your own happiness etc.

I hope he stays away from you and allows you to try and get your head around things. It’s just a matter of struggling along until it’s not such a struggle anymore. If you make it to that point, will you tell me what it’s like?!

Kkasxo,

If it’s any consolation in this circumstance I think you’re making the right decision. Nobody told us the right decision would feel as soul crushing as this, but there ya go. In a way, I feel a bit like you’re ex, I panic when I think I’m going to lose something, without really thinking it through. I’ll agree to things to get them back, that realistically if push comes to shove would not work.

I’d love to be back with my ex right this minute and I could fool myself into thinking being with him is enough and I’d be temporarily happy until the need for more arises again and I’m not able to disguise it. My therapist would kill me for thinking such a thought – that I should have to disguise my want for normal happy things in life! But what I mean is, your boyfriend is feeling withdrawal badly now, but his desire to not commit can’t be cured overnight and needs work, which couldn’t have taken place again, so he’d think he’d be up for happy relationship again until push comes to shove and his inner scaredy cat wakes up and he leaves again.

I’m so lost at the moment and I’m sure you are too. But you’re getting there, to a better place, one painful step at a time.