Kkasxo,

Thanks so much for your advice tonight. I really appreciate it cos there is not a soul I could mention contact to, my family and friends would go absolutely berserk.

I know I hadn’t thought it through. You’re right, it would have to be meaningful which is a waste of time with a guy who is allergic to ‘talking’ or emotions! He knows how I feel anyway, I’ve made myself crystal clear about what he meant/means to me and what I hoped for the future.

Is this going to get better, I’m honestly so tired of being sad and anxious and broken. How on earth do people get over this. It feels like every celebrity in serious relationships which end, ends up with a new Love in a few months! If only it were that simple in the real world.

maybe I’ll get to the stage you’re at where I hate it but I’m a bit more determined? Here’s hoping

Kkasxo,

I don’t know what I’ll gain, if anything. I’m just caught in this spiral of loneliness. I miss him so much and it’s causing me a physical ache I can locate nowhere in my body.

I just miss him and can’t imagine how I’m going to live a happy life without him. I don’t believe I’ll meet someone else, I wouldn’t even know how. I’ve read lots of threads and blogs and people are talking…..a year maybe more and they still miss their ex. Oh the joy of this agony continuing on and on while he can just close the book and done.

I never ever wanted to be the ‘desperate’ one. I don’t want to be. But I feel so lost without him. Just lost.

S x

Kkasxo,

Well anything I can do to help!! I have another appointment tomorrow, so I’m anxious to see how it goes. I just feel very down today….I feel blue….do people even say that anymore?!!! I just think it’s the best description I can come up with right now!

Watch me though…..as soon as I think I’ll come to accept this….I get the urge to contact him again. I know it’s irrational….I know people will think I’m mad. I dunno, I just found it all so abrupt. Anyway, I need to cop on.

I do feel tired today too, ironically after actually having a less than horrendous sleep for the first time in a while.

I want to feel better. My problem is, I think that only comes from being with my ex…which is misguided. But how do I get there? How do you end up having an amazing life you love?

I’m listening to Sarah Blondin on the Insight Timer app – today I listened to one of her short recordings called ‘Loving and Listening to Yourself’ and honestly it nearly brought me to tears, really touched something. Worth a listen if for nothing else but 15 mins of distraction!

Haha, not a weirdo at all! But perhaps is not helping in the moving on stakes!

Actions definitely speak louder than words, so if you want to see does he take action, you can try. Maybe give yourself more time to really see can distance create perspective.

It’s not an easy situation you are in, either way it’s scary.

The thing about heartbreak is that it makes you not want to lose what you had. This is the withdrawal period. Your heart is your heart and will continue to want the one that you love. I think that’s the basic premise of no contact rule. It’s about allowing your heart to go through the withdrawal and THEN see if you still feel such a strong need to reconcile. It’s hard to not want to see him or contact him or imagine getting back together when you’re still in the midst of withdrawal.

That being said, if your heart is niggling away at you, despite rationally knowing what the best decision is…..will it always gnaw away at you? Susan Jeffers says ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ with the logic being that no matter what you will survive. In my situation, maybe Susan would say ‘Feel the fear of loss and a life without this man and do it anyway’.

I’m still considering contacting my ex……bananas I know. Literally what is the point, but again, it’s denial, my lack of acceptance. Yesterday I felt better as a friend said I was more unhappy than happy with my ex. I never saw it that way, because I loved spending time with him. But it was a holistic unhappiness, he wasn’t giving me enough and it left me feeling needy and unwanted. She pointed out that I tried to make it work twice and ended up in exactly the same position. a third time, even if it were possible, is unlikely to result in a different outcome. She’s right. But letting go is difficult, it will mean pain.

Today, the rationale I had yesterday is not so prominent. I see you and Victoria both contacting your exes and I wonder, should I? But then I remember very different circumstances, both of your exes appear to want to reconcile, whereas mine has disappeared and has not given one single indication of missing me or wanting things to be different. So I continue to endure.

The last time, I remember I didn’t eat for about a month and shed weight really quickly. This time I’m not as bad with the appetite so my downfall it rubbish at the moment, chocolate mainly. So I don’t know how I have had any weight loss really!

Im actually a bit jealous that you can go into the bed for the day. The bed causes me such anxiety and dark place that I hop out of it at the earliest opportunity.

The meet up with my friend did me good earlier and her upset really made mine seem smaller.

Im definitely feeling my rational mind is more at play this afternoon. I don’t know if it will last, but fingers crossed!

Kkasxo,

Im sorry but are we the same person???!!!!! I literally did the EXACT same thing. I have lots of friends and family outside my relationship in the past, so I was never stuck for things to do, but to be honest, I always enjoyed spending time with him more! So I’d prioritise him! It was definitely a 70/30 divide as to how much time he spent in my life as I spent in his/family/location etc.

The odd time it would piss me off when I’d think about it, but mostly I was getting what I wanted- spending time with him- so I was content! He was quite happy to spend time on his own, he was type of individual. Likes his own company.

I realise now something has to change. I have to try and accept it’s over. I really do, because I can’t continue to live like this. I was explaining anxiety to my Dad and he was like ‘well now….that’s the kinda stuff that gives you cancer’…. I was thinking…’jeez Dad, thanks!’ – just a different generation!

Therapist says anxiety comes from a sense that I can somehow change something. If I believed I could do nothing and it’s outside my control – then acceptance would probably come more readily. Somewhere deep down I’m in denial, believing I can still influence the outcome, therefore I’ve anxiety unconsciously thinking about that.

Meditation definitely helps when I’m ruminating or feeling stressy or bit scared, but it doesn’t hit the physical symptoms of the anxiety. The tummy keeps going like a washing machine with knives in it. All that helps is once I’m up and about, the distracting things help ease it off and it’s gone by afternoon.

I wish it wasn’t winter, if the mornings and evenings were not as dark, I would actually get out of the bed at 4.30 or 5am and go out and walk off the extra adrenaline and cortisol.

Im going to see a friend this morning who is going through a tough time herself with different upsets.

How about you?