Aw those words were actually lovely to hear. The thought that the real me is still in there if only a little flame, makes me cry. I dunno, I guess because I feel so lost and so far from who I am and who I want to be.

My struggle as being a HSP is that I have not yet reached enlightenment with it yet as such! I havé this battle with my therapist regularly! He believes we are the BEST type of humans on earth and the world is a better place because of us, whereas I’m still of the opinion that feeling this deeply about everything is the biggest pain in the butt and disadvantage I could possibly have. But it’s a work in progress.

Im scared I’ll be 6 months, a year down the road and still feeling this bad. Forums help, but they can scare me too when I see some people are struggling still a year later.

I feel detached from the world at the moment, I couldn’t care less what’s in the news, I don’t care if Zara has their new A/W in stores, I do NOT want to hear one more mention about Christmas parties! I know I seem like a kranky old lady but I’m perfectly polite and chatty with people, I don’t display how fed up I am, but inside I just don’t care.

Christmas without him makes me sad. Not going on holidays makes me sad. Real physical pain. If I make it out of this (doubtful), I’m not risking this again. (Wrong attitude people would say, but it is what it is)

Ill keep working on the mirror. Thanks so much for your advice.

S x

Kkasxo,

Night Nurse is a gift, but I remember a few years ago I was in the States and I tried niquil! My life was changed for ever! Night Nurse ain’t got nothing in it, if it were only available over here!!!

As for your decision, that’s incredibly brave if you. Well done. You inspire me! I absolutely agree with you, I know what that phrase means now, ‘sometimes love just isn’t enough’, ugh but why can’t we just fall in love with people we are compatible with? I guess people would say, you don’t know who you’re compatible with until you try and then by the time you’ve figured it out, you are already in love.

The no contact rule for me is hanging on by a tenuous thread and I suppose it’s not so much being strong and my ex not indicating he wants any contact. Your situation is different, if my ex was contacting me regularly, I would NOT be able to resist.

Its heartbreaking for you. No-one knows what the future holds, I’ve heard stories of people splitting for five years and having other relationships and one day reuniting at a better time for both. Hopefully this forum and your booked therapy appointment will help get you through. Whatever you do, nothing is the ‘wrong’ thing. If you change your mind, if you try again, if you contact, if you don’t contact, it’s all part of YOUR process. It’s what you need to do.

I just had a takeaway burger. That’s really gonna help me feel better! (Uh oh!!)

I’m planning on going to the shops today, not to buy anything but it will pass a few hours wandering aimlessly. Also my friend with the 6month old has returned to work so she has asked me to call into her mum (who is minding the child) to lend a hand for an hour or two today so I’m happy to do it.

At the start, I definitely felt my future was gone when we split, but at the moment I’m just missing the every day stuff. Not even the future so much now, but the hand holding and laughing and mundane everyday stuff, waking up beside him etc. It’s torture.

As for the concert- I don’t know the band/singer so I can’t say if it’ll be full of ballads or death metal! When We split some years ago, I went to see a band with some friends about 3 wks after split and completely broke down, panicked totally. Starting crying, just because I wanted his arms around me as we bobbed along to the music.

This time, I got tickets for an exclusive gig he had talked about for ages, due one week after our split. I pulled strings to get the tickets – which were like gold dust. In the end, I did what was best for me and didn’t go. He wouldn’t have been there but it was something so associated with him and lots of slow mournful music so I figured it would have been torture.

I know it’s really difficult to lose money too as tickets can be so expensive but at the end of the day, it’s about your well-being. What would be best for you, the least amount of pain and suffering g? If it’s to stay at home and write it off, then do that. In the grand scheme of things, you’ll forget about the cost down the road. If it’s to go and assert some more independence, then do that. For me, it would be torture I think, so I’d miss it, but you seem to be strong when it comes to things like dinners with friends and weddings abroad, so you may very well be able to manage it!

I will try and get a walk in today so I don’t feel so bad as I def have put back on some weight with all the chocolate I’ve been eating ?

Speaking to therapist helped this afternoon. I need to work on my self criticism (which I always  struggle with), no more sighing or berating myself because of how I feel. I am where I am, there’s nothing wrong with that. I won’t always be where I am now. (though I’m not entirely convinced of that right now!)

Self Love is the key to missing my ex as much. But as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I’m not going to get out of this without pain. Whether that’s in a few weeks or months time, when I’m ready, we’ll see.

Are you going to the gym this evening? I wanted to go for a walk but I’m shattered after poor sleep last night!

I know what you mean. Some days I manage, some days I’m all over the place!

Today every little reminder of him is causing me a stab of pain, in my heart or stomach, I’m not sure. I honestly believe I don’t know how I’m going to come to accept this? It’s not within my control and yet I still can’t understand how I’m going to go on when the loss continues to cause me so much pain?

I really wish I could hop in bed with Netflix and just not care but as my therapist says, even if you climb in under the bed, anxiety will climb right in beside you!

Have your series binges helped in past few days- that distracted you other days?

Kkasxo,

Well that’s a good thing I guess, distraction. I’m in a meeting now too for a couple of hours and I don’t have to engage too much so I’ll just slink down here in the background.

I just wish there was a road map. What exactly are we supposed to do to feel better, because nothing has worked so far….

Well the reprieve didn’t last long! Bad nights sleep again, anxiety woke me up.

On Sunday night I know I had gone to bed thinking that the relationship was not right for me. I had an attitude of, Im better off. I think that’s what stopped the anxiety. Acceptance, however brief.

But yesterday the need to change the outcome returned and then so did the anxiety I guess.