Kkasxo,

I think men will always want to wait to the last minute to settle down, if they ever do. Women are somewhat on a timer, even if we don’t consciously acknowledge it. My ex said last night that he struggled with being in a relationship and that he had to give up too much. Give up what????He didn’t answer.

Even tonight, with pain threatening to overwhelm me and my advice to azu, what dya think I still want to do?! Yep, text him, to tell him how much he has hurt me. To tell him I’m not okay. What sort of messed up thinking does heartbreak cause?

I can never contact him again. It’s over. This is acknowledging it, not accepting I think. Is accepting when you feel better and move on?

I wish I could say I am strong azu, but I’m not. I’m barely surviving myself. My family & close friends have kept me going. I’m grateful for them. They’re a little disillusioned and worried about my setback now and I hope they don’t bail out on me because it’s all too much. Family is family though and I know they’re truly ride or die.

I find talking about the ins and outs of my ex & the conversation we had last night is not helpful at the min. Pushing it out of my mind as much as possible is the best thing to do. It didn’t hurt as much when he broke up with me as it did with that convo. So distraction is key again. Any activity that will generally use up a period of time in the day.

Kkasxo is better at this than me. I have lost who I am. I hope one day I find her again.

I have never felt as bad in my entire life. I will try some cereal maybe later. I feel like everything that had meaning for me, everything that brought me happiness has been taken away.

I just called my sister and she is away but she says she can’t put my foot in front of the other – I need to take responsibility and fight.

I definitely feel as though I’m spiralling down a black hole. I need to believe I can get out of this, I need to believe it, but I’m so wrapped up in it at the moment that I can’t see anything.

My crazy brain is so far gone at the moment I was considering calling him to tell him to come over because I’m in such a bad way. Two things are stopping me – firstly, what on earth would that achieve except for having him in front of me, in high definition and I can’t have him- secondly, I don’t want him to see me like this, that he had such a profound effect on me.

Ok Shelby, get up, get some cereal, wash your face….it’s a start. When will it end????

Kkasxo, it’s reassuring to know you felt like this weeks ago and while you are still suffering, it’s not as acute. Jeez I thought I was in pain the past 5wks…..it would be a gift to have that level of pain now in comparison to where I’m at now.

Maybe you will get to the stage where it just doesn’t seem that big a decision to make anymore and you just don’t feel like it one way or the other. The distance might give you some perspective?

Kkasxo,

Thank you for making me feel less alone this afternoon. Today is the first day since the split that I do not want to do anything. I spent every day finding distractions of activities. I thought I was progressing welll enough under the circumstances. But I guess that was all part of denial.

Some of the things he said to me on the phone have really caused me more pain, but maybe I needed to hear them. What hurts the most is I didn’t get the sense from him that it’s a loss. He said he’s been finding it tough but he has the conviction of his decision being right behind him so it really seems as if he is moving on and trying to get to the time when he knows he’ll feel better.

I know he cares about me, but more like a friend he would give a helping hand to. That also hurt.

I have not figured out how today is going to go yet. I’m in my own head without anyone to counteract it today. It’s quiet here and I’m extraordinarily sad.

Is this how you felt at the start? And if so, how did it go from there?

S x

Kkasxo,

Aw thank you so much for those words. I don’t know how I feel really. I guess it is more real now I guess. The last one we split there was no contact and he later told me he struggled and tried to find ways of bumping into me etc.

This time, he admits it’s been tough and he’s been trying to box his feelings away and not think about it but he’s happy to take my calls and give me as many answers as he can. That’s new. That’s different. That is someone who is at peace with their decision and just hopes the other broken hearted person is ok and makes it through.

Now, I definitely feel foolish. I feel like he looks at me now with pity. Ugh. I sort of hate him for breaking my heart despite still loving him. When we split he could not say what he wanted, he had t done the work to find out what. So that was difficult to come to terms with as I felt if he explored a bit, he would realise he wanted happiness….with me.

This evening, he knows he does not want to be in a relationship, a lot more than I sensed when we split. He said I’m some ways he’s happier about things, in other ways he not. Any way, it was clear, despite him saying he’s found it hard too, that he has accepted he will never be with me/see me again and he’s just getting on with things.

I fear now, the pain really sets in for me. Will I ever heal? I’m not convinced x

Nellie,

Its a really difficult situation you’re in. Being still in love with someone who chooses not to be with you is incredibly difficult. It’s like we expect the love to be done once it’s over so we can just move on but it doesn’t work like that.

Would you wait and see how tomorrow night goes without predicting which way it will go one way or another. Then you will have more information to work with, such as whether he seems to be having fun, whether he acknowledges you, whether he speaks to you etc etc. After that you may have more information in your data bank than you do currently?

Morning all,

Ive had the most horrendous night. Lack of sleep and dreams of him. I definitely feel I’m in immense pain now. Perhaps now it is only truly hitting me. I genuinely have no idea how I’m going to cope with this. I can’t seem to accept it at all, which I know I have no choice but to, but tell my heart and tummy that.

I’m so lost in a world of pain right now that I wonder how will I ever get out of it?

S

Hi Kkasxo,

Im on the brink of tears at all times the past couple of days. I have therapy this evening but i feel like saying- is this actually doing anything or am I just going to continue like this ad nauseum?!

Dramatic fashion this evening I know, it often happens like this on Fridays. My life has no direction and no direction seems attractive me, no matter how I often I look up salsa dancing classes or blog writing! I have no joy. That’s the main feeling. My life is without joy and for all the talk of giving joy to myself and loving myself, I just don’t think I’ll ever get to that stage.

I loved everything about my ex except for his commitment phobia. Everyone might say- that’s enough! That’s a pretty big thing. Yes it is. Yes they are right. But nonetheless, here we find ourselves on this forum with very broken hearts and a need to see them, speak to them, etc.

I think maybe I need a good cry- weird thing to say i guess. But I don’t cry that often. Trickles of tears prick my eyes at times but since we’ve broken up I’ve only bawled crying a handful of times.

I can’t wait for work to return next week- dear God, how sad a person I’ve become. I hate that I’m feeling like this, when he’s functioning fine and probably even gone travelling at this stage if I had a guess.

Kkasxo,

That’s probably the best decision to make at this moment. There is no point in getting into it again. You know what he has asked for/wants and you have to figure out whats the best way forward, so it’s best to just try and work that out so your life doesn’t have to be in limbo for too much longer, one way or another.

I’m feeling dreadful this afternoon, been busy all day but have this cold sense of loneliness and detachment from the world right now. I met my sister on lunch for a few minutes and she was saying I’m doing great and I explained that I’m functioning, every day, but that’s literally it. My thinking and feeling hasn’t changed one bit. I’m staying functioning because people tell me to, but my thoughts are not changing. In fact, the desire to try and reconcile is getting worse!