Hi all, I hope today has not been too tough for anyone. I managed to keep the pain at bay today by literally zapping any thoughts of any reminders about a certain someone out of my brain as soon as they popped up. Not ideal, but needs must.

The anxiety kept simmering all day though, just making me a little shaky. But not as bad this evening and I’ll take a reprieve whenever I can get it.

I am writing in my journal and meditating but I’d be interested to know if anyone else felt much the same as me at the 6-wk mark?

Kkasxo,

Im only seeing your reply now about his priorities. My ex always told me I was the most important person in the world to him. But I wasn’t, I was maybe third down the list. He couldn’t acknowledge though that he was tied to his family more than me. He would do ANYTHING for his family at all costs really and when I met him, he lived in a lovely house with a couple of housemates, but he then moved back with his parents when his lease ran out and that was him becoming entrenched in looking after his parents and the family business.

My therapist feels he couldn’t give me everything I needed because it’s not his to give, part of him belongs to his family/parents and the huge responsibility he feels he has for them.

Anyway, I need to stop writing specifically about him now as it’s increasing pain but basically, I think it’s a lot of men who are still as you say ‘attached via umbilical cord’, it’s quite common. But they are not aware of it.

Therapy was rough today, I struggled as my therapist coaxed me to feel the pain as it was not pleasant whatsoever. I have to go back a couple more days this wk & he’s doing it for free just to help me which I think is kind and decent.

I really hope we all have a better day tomorrow. Work seems to be keeping us all distracted?

Kkasxo,

The limbo is indeed tiring, but it’s also the one where there is no threat at the moment. No pain of full breaking up, no fear associated with getting back together. I really hope you find the decision you feel is best for you so that you don’t have to feel lost for too much longer.

As Susan Jeffers says, feel the fear and do it anyway by being confident that no matter what the outcome, you can cope with it.

I’m just trying to get through today as best I can but I feel like I’ve taken a fair wallop over the past few days. I too feel like you and just want to heal x

Azu,

If I were you I wouldn’t feel guilty as when you think about it, it’s him who should feel guilty for not moving on with the relationship when it was clearly what you wanted. But I can understand the feelings you feel at the moment, it’s not easy.

Break-ups are never easy, I don’t think anyone gets out unscathed, regardless of who ended it.

I will help in any way I can, as I said before, it’s like we’re all in this together.

I’m suffering particularly badly again this morning with anxiety. It’s chewing my tummy up and making my hands shake a little. However, apparently the only way to get the better of anxiety is to confront it and build confidence. It told me this morning that I’ll never be okay, that maybe I’ll have to give up work and become a hollow shell, not leaving the house, doped up on medication for the rest of my life, so despite those negative thoughts, I got up and got ready and made it into work.

I still don’t feel great, but at least I’m trying, I can’t let it get the better of me, despite it’s very powerful attempts. I feel frightened, that’s how this loss affects me. The unknown, the attachment I had to my ex, it creates a huge amount of pain which I fear all the time I’m not able to cope with. So therein lies the anxiety, but hopefully I can keep going.

Tiny Buddha posters, thank you for helping me feel not so alone. It has helped more than you can imagine.

Brandy & Valora,

Thank you so much for your kind advice. I’m familiar with mindfulness and in the past even went to a workshop and am part of a mailing list. I guess I always figured mindfulness was more for ‘everyday worries’ so I haven’t applied it as such at the moment.

Meditation is something I do do each day. I try to do at least one 20min session through the 1Giant Mind app per day and I listen to Sarah Blondin on the Insight timer app at night.

I will give the mindfulness a try and see if it helps with the pain. My biggest fear is that I won’t recover from this. That the pain is what I must endure now for a long long time. X

Azu,

Yes I’ve been regularly attending therapy. It’s definitely important. A family member has pointed out to me today though that perhaps I need to stop analysing everything so much and just get on with things.

I feel so down, it’s hard to lift my mood. But what is the best way to deal with pain? Is it to fake it till you make? Keep doing normal things and having normal conversations with people until they don’t seem forced?

I feel so drained all the time.

Thanks so much for the lift ladies, you really are a lifeline. Today I’m not going to make the same mistake as yesterday staying home alone. I’m going to try and organise things and yes, it’s exhausting and I don’t feel like living life at the moment. But I’ll do it, if it’ll help.

The biggest source of my pain at the moment is considering what he’s doing, the parts of his life I am no longer a part of etc. So if I can nip that in the bud, maybe I can reduce the pain somewhat. I felt so stupid for setting myself back yesterday by contacting him the day before. Having said that, the only silver lining, of there is one, is that I was clearly in a fair amount of denial about the whole thing, the reasons, what he might now be feeling etc. So I guess that phonecall caused immense pain but is this rock bottom? Do I finally start the healing process now?

Azu you sound so strong. I wish I was like that. I do remember I was not as bad the first couple of wks, but it went downhill from there. But I don’t want my life to be like this and as my sister said to me, it’s only me who can pull myself out of this. I have to take the necessary measures to feel better (if that’s even possible), so I’m willing to do whatever is necessary. I really am.

There is no point looking back always at the closed door, it’s increasing my suffering.

Kkasxo,

Do you think you’re at saturation point now? Are you think you just want to move on with your life?

S x

Azu,

Thanks for your kind words. Right now I’m trying to figure out why I’m taking it so badly. The relationship was not what I wanted it to be, so shouldn’t that give me some consolation.

I find as time goes on, it’s snowballing and the pain is increasing. I’m going to a counsellor so maybe we’ll figure that out.

DL,

I’m sorry you have had such bad experiences. Do you feel you dealt with each break up or perhaps the hurt from each one moved onto the next one and next thing you have a truckload to deal with?

You day it doesn’t crush you as much after a while. Is that true? How did you manage?