Evening all,

Just popped on ‘cos I’m struggling today. I’m feeling really low and sad and particularly lonely. Also, I suffer from chronic pain, which has completed flared up the past few days, so it’s tough going. Pain can get in on you. Physical and emotional.

I’m faced with the reality of spending time with just myself this afternoon. So I’m trying to just ‘be’. This should be okay right? If I’m a fairly well adjusted normal person, despite being heartbroken, it should be manageable?! But I’m finding it hard. I’m lonely. I don’t like the life I have right now, I want the one I used to have with my ex, despite its faults.

Its 9 weeks since the breakup and my mentality just doesn’t seem to be shifting, despite efforts to do so. 🙁

Kkasxo,

I know those evenings all too well. They are not easy. You’re in anguish because deep down you want to move forward I think. One way or another. You know what your head and friends are telling you but the heart wants what it wants. Maybe the decision is to go with the heart to at least put to bed all the anguish over trying to choose. If it works, great, if it doesn’t, at least you tried and then time to follow the head?

As for medication- do you realise you ARE doing it by yourself by seeking such help. My therapist pointed out that I had the wherewithall to realise I was struggling and my brain needed an extra hand to get out of the woods. I’ll still feel, but it takes the unmanageability out of it. And I don’t intend to stay on them, it’s just a helping aid for a difficult period in my life. Well done you thinking about all possible ways to help yourself. You’re not giving up- don’t you see? You’re fighting, in whatever small way. You WANT to feel better and are not hiding under the bed for months on end, so give yourself credit!

Victoria,

Those were great tips for Kkasxo and I hope you’re doing okay too.

I enjoy walks with my friend as we can talk about anything. He’s very deep and we often end up talking philosophically! But he never makes me feel bad for anything I feel and really try’s to understand things when I say them to him, which I really appreciate.

Kkasxo,

Second big presentation done…..and I’m exhausted! My yawns are so big I look like I’m trying to swallow my own head! It does give you a confidence boost when you get positive feedback from people you don’t even know!

Im off work tomorrow as I had days to take and felt I could use a day of nothing to rest!

I see where you friends are coming from, yes, there is nothing wrong with being motivated about a certain path in life- it’s admirable. BUT, basically he’s still planning HIS idea of what life should look like. I’m only saying this cos your situation resonates a lot with me. Your ex is continuing with the life path he has always worked towards, even before you and will try and insert you into it, if it works. I’m beginning to see that two people in love who are planning a future together forever, need to make decisions together, they need to plan a joint life.

My therapist explained to me recently that his understanding of love is someone wanting to spend their life with you, they want to plan a mutual future together, they want to make YOU happy, they even put you first above themselves at times and it always involved compromise. He explained that while my ex may have ‘loved’ me in a way, he didn’t love me enough to move in with me, marry me, plan a future with me. That’s hard for me to take at the minute. I’m still digesting.

Im fully supportive of you reuniting with your ex if that’s what you choose. But I just wanted to present some other perspectives on it so you have food for thought! I’m on a low again today, maybe hormonal, but feeling so very empty without my ex. I miss him so much.

I noticed Victoria posted on her own thread. She reconciled with her ex but my understanding is that things remain to be difficult with demands and anxiety, so I hope she’s doing ok.

Oh have you counselling today?

Kkasxo,

It could be a combination of both the counselling & the conversation with your ex. Either way, grab the reprieve whenever you can. I’m rrally glad to hear you’re feeling better.

I’m feeling ok the past three days. But I mean, scarily okay. As in, I’m not obsessing about him, it all seems fuzzy and distant and I can’t quite recall him in my mind. Which to me signals DENIAL again!!!

I spoke to my counsellor and he explained that this is the waves people talk about when referring to grief. Some days you’re in a hole and the next day you feel fine through no direct conscious action of your own. He says it’s millions of years of evolution, where our unconscious mind has developed a mechanism called grief to ensure we survive. So when my unconscious feels it’s let in enough of the pain at a time, it gives a break and reprieve so it’ll only give me enough that I can cope with at any given time.

What I don’t like is the unpredictability of it. I worry if I’m okay today, will I suffer tomorrow. But I’m doing my best to focus on the reprieve and be grateful for it.

I’m also so nervous for my presentations this week. To 70 people tomorrow and 100 different people on Thursday. Getting my hair coloured this eve and got my nails done yesterday to try and give me confidence I don’t have. I’m hoping fake it till I make it will work! Eek.

Do you feel you’re healing more by yourself now or would you consider trying again with your ex?

Today im distant from my situation so I feel like I would really be in two minds about getting back with my ex, if he miraculously changed his mind. I sometimes think, the love of your life is not someone who would break your heart to pieces. But then on the other hand, the veil of denial/rationale could lift and I’d leap into his arms if he asked!

Kkasxo,

How are you doing now? Did it go okay for you?

Im ok today, I just have no idea why some days are manageable and some days I feel like I’m drowning without him. What makes one day different to another?!

I’m struggling this evening. It’s over 2 months since my ex broke up with me and I’m not over it. I’m not over him. I’m extremely lost without him and I spoke to my sister today and she says it’s up to me to change my life and live a better one.

I feel like I’m doing everything I possibly can, but my core feelings are not changing. I want to be back in his life. How am I going to come to terms with this? Anyone reading this thread will know, there is not a option to go back, so what fantastical daydream am I living in?

The therapist says I’ll feel better when I start to let go and move on, my closest family and friends say the same. But how on earth does one do that when every moment of every day is given to thoughts of him, despite engaging in as many distractions as possible?

Im so unhappy and the life I’m living right now is not a good one, it’s existing. There is no joy, no hope, no happiness.

Thanks for the advice, I will watch those videos and begin to work on it. Through therapy I probably realise where the need for control began but it doesn’t help me get rid of it now!

Im feeling scared again this morning, due to being ill and so I’m out of routine. I have been functioning trying to fill my time in a manageable way- ‘controlling’ as much as I can again. But now I have no choice but to rest and be. I guess I’m afraid of the pain or dark thoughts moving in. Bed has been a difficult place to be the past 8 weeks and now I have no choice but to be here….