Hi Anita,

I have discussed it somewhat with my therapist who does indeed believe it’s why I’m experiencing things so acutely now.

Most people get the biggest devastating life-will-never-be-the-same-again heartbreak out of the way between 16-20ish, so in some ways I’m experiencing it like I would if I were 17 and nothing seems like it will ever get better.

I understand this, but I just seem to not see any brightness in the future.

Kkasxo,

I think it’s normal to be up and down. ANYTHING you’re feeling is legitimate, remember that. If you are acting out in a way that you think is foolish- treat yourself like a small child – with as much kindness and patience. You’re working through stuff still- it’s a work in progress, so it’s not going to be rainbows and sprinkles straight away. There would appear to be a lot to process.

Im so tempted to contact him this evening but I will try and put it out of my head for now and focus on my day in the here and now!

Fingers crossed!

Things are still proving tough.

I guess it’s just a matter of enduring until it gets better. What if it doesn’t get better though?

Julissa,

I’m so sorry to hear about your friendship. Trust me, I understand the pain. I know a little bit about astrology so maybe you’re right- maybe that’s why I feel like taking ‘retrograde’ steps.

I must get back to yoga, I did it years ago. I have downloaded meditation app which I used to find great, but lately it’s making my tummy topsy turvy.

Kkasxo,

I still feel I want to contact him, despite advice, but I am scared that I’ll end up worse. I think he didn’t text because he’s trying to move and contact doesn’t help that situation.

Tomorrow my work friend- the young woman who thinks we should rent a place together- has planned a day of surprises for my bday. Because I don’t know what’s planned, I’m anxious, but I’m sure it’ll be fun.

My ex’s best friend messaged me on social media to say happy birthday too. I was surprised tbh as I always thought he never liked me more than just my ex’s plus one.

What am I not doing? Are there things I’m doing wrong or not doing that is halting me getting over him?

Hi all,

Tough evening again this evening. Just trying to manage the loss. I wish I could stop thinking about it. The urge to contact him remains.

When I actually consider doing it I get scared and my therapist explains that this is because I know what the outcome will be – and it will just reaffirm that it’s over. So I get scared of doing it.

He has advised me not to make contact, to protect my dignity. He says he will support me no matter what, but if the only purpose is to see have things changed, when clearly they haven’t, then I’m going to experience another dip.

I asked if the urge to make contact would continue and he says it goes away with time. I wish I could believe that right now. I’m mad and sad in equal measure. Has this been anyone else’s experience?

Thank you all for the birthday wishes.

I spent the full day with a friend doing various things. It felt bittersweet, but each time I felt like I was missing something/him, I’d catch the thoughtful and say ‘I’m grateful for what I have right now’.

I did my best to enjoy it, but it has been hard.

Thanks again to you all.

Kkasxo,

Thanks for the support, it’s hard to explain to other people, but we definitely have similar approaches I think. I’m not as bad tonight in terms of wanting to contact, just had bday dinner with my darling family, so I’ll put the idea on the shelf until it arises again. (Prob tomo!)

Victoria,

My ex told me he cared about me more than anyone else in the world but ‘isn’t cut out to be with anyone’. Like ever. Apparently. We were 4 years together almost, but he struggled to be on the same page as me, liked being with me on a daily basis but freaked if we ever came close to making a future plan. It’s tough, I miss him dearly.

Good for you going to see a GP. You’re taking control. You’re also working on you- that’s such a positive self aware step. It’s not easy. By any means. This forum knows exactly how hard it is, so hang in there. You’re doing your absolute best.