Morning Kkasxo,

I understand where you are coming from with the no contact. At the end of the day, I guess it is work he needs to do himself and not just continuing doing the same things he always does, therefore not changing deep down. Well done on refraining from contact. Maybe discuss with your therapist too and see what she thinks.

The morning sadness, that’s all part of it. Remember when I used to get it so bad. Now I feel it has switched more to evenings. But it too shall pass. A big thing for me with the no contact is that I don’t expect any contact from him whatsoever, so it is a little easier in that sense. I dreamt of my ex too last night. I dreamt we were back together, in his house, but in a different room and his brother had a second child at this point and they were visiting, but at all times in the dream my head was fuddled and I couldn’t clear the fog of where I was and who I was with. I was with him and he was saying the right things, but I couldn’t unfuzz my head to appreciate it. Weird!

Don’t talk to me about songs!!!! I’m not doing too bad with some of them, but I nearly puke when I hear George Ezra’s ‘Give me a minute to hold my girl’….also, I listen to Ann-Marie’s ‘Then’ when I’m mad about the situation!

Work is insanely busy today due to bad management so I have a super bad headache trying to get everything done. Oh and I developed a little twitch on my left eye lower lid since last Saturday and honestly, it’s driving me to distraction! Anyone ever hear of this?

You’re doing really well the past while and I think you are going into things a lot stronger that previous events such as your birthday or anniversary etc…

Hi Kkasxo,

Thank you for saying I’m doing well. I guess I’m definitely doing better than when I started this thread and for that I am grateful. I definitely have no impetus to contact my ex right now. I often think about it and then a ‘meh’ feeling comes over me and I don’t bother. So hang in there, when the brain chemistry withdrawal eases off after the initial no contact period, it does seem to get easier and be less of a battle. But in fairness it’s taken me almost 4 months to get here. I still miss him, but the memories are not in HD now, our wonderful little brains protecting us again I guess, they fuzz out the painful memories to give us breathing space!

The most exciting thing happening to me at the moment is I got a 100+ word on Words with Friends. Oh dear…..this is my life now. Lovely! Ugh.

You’re doing really well, taking it each day at a time and before you know it, it’ll be Feb 2 or 3rd and you’ll have survived another hurdle.

I think your ex doesn’t know what to say to you tbh, he’s gauging it as best he can, so doesn’t want to pour his heart out to you by Text and not get a reply. I’d imagine that would hit him hard, so he’s hedging his bets with your friend. But yes, bad decision on his part! I couldn’t imagine reaching out to my ex’s bestie, what’s between us is between us.

Victoria,

I think you have moved along the process. You have reached a conclusion you are happier on your own right now. That is a great piece of insight. It doesn’t mean you will always feel that way, but perhaps it will give you some direction to move forward now and not get as anxious about decision making? I hope so.

I am off work today and just finished the grocery shop and while lots of chores demand my attention, I have been so tired lately, I intend to try and do as little as possible today!

Any plans for later?

Kkasxo,

Even a home workout will expend the extra hormones and chemicals in your body- they just need somewhere to go is all. So go for it!

I have had the odd glass of wine here and there, family dinners etc but nothing that would make me merry and loosen my self restraint and therefore appear like a drunk loon to my ex! It hasn’t been too much of a problem cos I have not been in the form anyway to go out and party.

I’m looking forward to this weekend- taking my little sister on a ‘babymoon’ in a luxury hotel by the sea ahead of the arrival of baby number 2. Just a wee break for her. I love this hotel, I have stayed there with my ex, but also a few times on my own and other times with friends. Oh the days when I used to travel all over the world alone and it didn’t knock the stuffing out of me. Those days seem far away now, I just miss him. Having said that, I’m now not missing the disappointment and arguments/awkward conversations as much – in the beginning, I would have missed him regardless of everything!

Kkasxo, I’m just wondering. The trauma was in spring but ye didn’t split till summer. What was the intervening period like with your ex?

Michelle,

Thanks for the advice and yes I do sound better, whether I feel better is a different story. I may revert back to previous behaviour again, who knows? But all I can do is take it one day at a time. I never felt that a man held the key to my happiness before I met my ex, then I fell head over heels for him and our future together became my priority – it was my happy ending. Don’t worry, i don’t see a man as key to my happiness now again, rationally speaking, but nonetheless, the loss of that man has taken away any feelings of happiness for now. For how long I don’t know.

Kkasxo,

Ah the good old palpitations….I’ve been there. It’s just fear. It’s ok, it might not be connected to something specific today, it could be ‘free-floating’ anxiety building up over time with everything you have had to deal with.Going into the bathroom and breathing in for 7, holding for 4 and breathing out for 9….can help and don’t focus on the heart beats while breathing, focus on the breath, like it’s a piece of long string. Also, can you get out of the office for 20 mins and briskly walk to work off the adrenaline and cortisone that the heart is pumping….remember, it’s just a physical reaction and you can waste away that energy – the gym this evening would be a good bet.

I know you’re scared. I was scared too. If he stops talking to you then you’re in new territory again and have to make your way on your own and that’s not familiar. The pain and drama with him might not be pleasant but it’s familiar. But you CAN do this, you HAVE been doing this. Strong lady, you’re stronger than you think – that doesn’t mean being Serena Williams strong, it means when you’re brittle and broken and barely able to breathe, you choose you and what’s best for you – that’s real strength and so far, you have done that. x

Kkasxo,

Yes I agree, he would be an idiot. But that’s something we can’t do anything about. My ex’s best friend feels he made the wrong decision too but I still have no doubt he will have started or will soon started egging on my ex so ‘get out there again’ and enjoy his single life. 🙁 The heartbreak.

I have had a look at online dating on the advice of MY friends and let me tell you, it has not only bolstered my opinion that my ex was amazing but also bolstered my belief that I will never meet another! Not a lot to choose from from what I could see!

My nephew honestly has kept me going since HeartbreakDay1. He gave me enough of a glimmer every day to pull me from the edges of hell. I love him beyond anything in the world and I’m eternally grateful for my family who I love and adore.

Hopefully you’ll tire out soon, I’m trying to put aside my phone earlier in a bid to try and sleep better. I sleep enough hours….overall. But honestly it’s such unsettled sleep, I don’t feel rested. Also doing my meditation hoping it will help as I’ve let it slip a bit in recent weeks.

I wish I knew what my purpose was in life. I feel I had found it when I loved my ex. That it’s to love and be loved in return, but now I’m still neither here nor there. Hoping to bring my Dad to Scotland for a few days in March so maybe I should get to planning that….

Kkasxo,

That’s such a useful task, well done. I’m sure it’ll open different perspectives to you and that’s what therapy is about, what growth is about – new insight and looking at things differently.

I know it can be worrying that your ex will soon refrain from contact, but that is something that is outside your control. I suppose you have to make the decisions that are right for you, whatever the consequences. Besides, just because someone thinks rationally understands a situation and tries to move past it, by no means that feelings follow suit. They do their own thing. Plus if it’s meant to be…..and all that jazz! So don’t worry about that. You need to work on you and he needs to work on him. To move forward, I think they trauma has to be dealt with for sure. Perhaps you both can withstand this storm and actually work out, but I think the elephant in the room would have to be resolved.

In the back of my mind Im still thinking of contacting my ex. I mean the last thing he heard from me was when we spoke on the phone on NYE and I said we’d speak in the next few days to meet for a chat. I haven’t contacted him since, but neither did he. I got the feeling he didn’t really want to anyway. So I suppose I’m giving him space at the moment. If i don’t think too deeply into it, I’m ok, but some moments when I consider the loss, I feel so sad and broken hearted. It’s just the way it is.

I have a facial after work as my friend gave me a voucher for my birthday more than a year ago, which I never got around to using, so I called the salon and they said they would accept it if I get it done this week!

Oh I’ve been staying away from booze since break up too – I never really drank much – but I find that I’m so on the edge of nearly contacting him at all times, that I feel I would give myself complete free rein if I was merry to contact him and completely blubber!!! So I feel Im gonna keep going as I am and see how I fare. Another hurdle managed yesterday so next is what would have been our anniversary