Michelle,

Thanks for the advice. I need it tonight. I’m just feeling more and more hurt and lost without my ex. This evening I went on a short casual date. A nice guy, but I realise I’m definitely not ready. It was just another approach, on the advice of others trying to help me, so I said I’d give it a shot. But it didn’t work and in fact, made me miss my ex more.

Every single day is given to thinking of him, of us in the past etc. I assumed that’s how it is, until it isn’t. I haven’t consciously tried to divert my thoughts from the topic, I guess because I was afraid that’s not dealing with it. But I hope I can start planning something soon.

Hi grounded.

Its not easy. I know I don’t want to be someone who wants someone who is making it clear they don’t want me. Similar to you, it’s hard to accept that we feel this way and we feel guilty for it. But I guess we just have to try and accept it as it is, while moving on at the same time.

I don’t know how other people do it. Maybe everyone is just winging it and from the outside appear strong but are all just one text away each day from contacting their ex. And then they do that every day for however long until the urges subsides somewhat!

Grounded,

I’m sorry you’re having such a turbulent time at the moment. It sucks. To be honest, it really seems ye are not meant to be together right now. He’s not showing you the level of respect someone should expect in a committed loving relationship. Now I know that’s not what you want to hear because you love him, of course you do. I don’t want to hear anything about my ex either because I still love him.

But the evidence is there if you choose to look – he’s on dating websites, he’s monopolizing your group of friends without too much consideration for how it affects you. He is seeking validation in the wrong places, so he’s not really working on himself and his self esteem – that takes hard hard work and deep introspection, not nights out with Bryson!

I’m not going to say he’s off living his best life without you, I’d say he’s pretty messed up in his head. However, he’s not doing anything serious about addressing it or finding out what truly makes him happy. You can’t put your life on hold for someone who would not and is not doing the same for you, it will eventually eat you up.

This I realise is easier said than done though, trust me, everyone on this thread knows that. But you HAVE done so well by getting off the hamster wheel with him and not responded to his messages. Only get back on that wheel if there is significant change. Also, it’s hard to do, but you’re going to have to expand your friendship circle if possible –  even try making one new friend who has no connection to your ex. Online activity will not not not help you, this I can assure you. Mute everything, block him, without deleting him if needs be. Private message some of your closer friends in the whatsapp groups and say you’re signing out for a bit, just for a break as things are a little awkward at times and obviously Im sure your friends will understand.

The urgent need to be with him and think about him fades after about 6 weeks when certain chemicals and hormones die down, you’ll still want to be with him but the cray cray need to be with him (that I have very much experienced) eases off slightly.

Remember you have this forum and are doing so well, standing up for what you’re worth – well done. I’m not even that strong, so well done you! Tiny Buddha is a gift too.

Kkasxo,

Im sorry you’ve been finding it so tough. It’s not fair. But you’re entitled to wallow I think, after all you’ve been through? It’s completely understandable. I hope you find some solace in meeting the date with courage and moving past it afterwards.

Im feeling very sad this evening. I’m just missing him more than I know I should and I really want to reach out to him but at the same time, I don’t feel I’m ready. It’s tough, I have no interest in being with anyone else, I still don’t believe I’ll find someone ‘better’.

Hi all,

I don’t know if it’s hormones or the loops in the process but I’m really missing my ex tonight. It’s foolish but I still don’t see it as over. How on earth do you let go? I could easily say, ‘okay, it’s done, let’s move on’ but it doesn’t mean I feel it.

I haven’t contacted him in about a month, I’m going about my daily life and still something is not budging. I miss him and want to be with him. It just doesn’t change and it’s hurting and wearing me down.

Hi all,

Just back from the weekend away and I’m exhausted. So the overall verdict is- it was awesome. I genuinely don’t remember having that much fun since…..college probably!!! There was a powercut which resulted in us meeting new people and having an incredible night of fun and laughter. So overall it was great. However I didn’t stop thinking about my ex really. I missed him and at times, just a few, I felt so sad and almost like crying. But I realise I’m especially hormonal right now. But it physically hurt at times thinking of missing him.

I was shallow and posted a couple of online photos – even though I know he doesn’t do social media- I felt if I put it in the ether, it might get back to him sometime, through friends or whatever.

Anyway, I just don’t know when this is not going to hurt. I’m proud of myself for constantly keeping going, but I feel I will be like this forever. I still don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and I’m no closer to figuring out a new plan for my life.

How was the weekend for ye?

Kkasxo,

We are heading down to the south of the country, it’s about a 4 hour drive and it’s by the sea. I’m looking forward to it in small ways, but very anxious in other ways. What if I don’t feel up to boozing for the weekend, what if I want to go back to our accommodation early, what if I can’t sleep! Argh, so many precarious outcomes! I’m completely overthinking.

You poor thing, I think you’re dealing with it more at the moment. Hard and all as it is, you’re feeling it more and you know that to move on we have to feel things, so maybe it’s a blessing wrapped up as a curse.

Is there anything I can do to help? I’m sending you a big virtual hug right now and am at the end of the keypad at any time. Promise.

Michelle,

I think perhaps people have more faith in me than is merited. I’m not being unreasonably harsh on myself here, but I talk a good game! I know about self care and worth and realising he hasn’t made a single attempt to contact me and the reasons we broke up. I know it all. On a surface level. I still don’t FEEL it, if that makes sense? It hasn’t penetrated or something, I find it hard to explain. But here I am wondering about when would be a good time to reach out to him. How could we get it back on track, what help would we need. It’s exhausting and I can’t seem to switch it off.

If I do other activities or plan things or keep myself busy, he is still there at the back of my mind in everything I do.

I have never been to Asia, but I’d imagine it will be an incredible experience so enjoy! And you always have the sunniest place in UK to come home to!!!