Thanks for all the replies, I truly appreciate it. It was hard to cover everything in my origional post without rambling. He has been doing “better” I would say. I feel as if he needs to quit drinking completely for the time being based on his prior behavior. He’s admitted to me after the last bought of him screwing up his car that he needs to quit entirely. Well, the thing is- He’s still drinking some days!!! He isn’t getting horribly drunk and stupid, but I am upset that he hasn’t quit completely. I just feel so lost and alone. I am embarassed to tell my family about this. His family is very… off. They are all so against eachother and broken that an intervention would be hard to get together. We literally don’t even have a car right now, so AA is not a simple option at the time, nor does he want to go. He is so set in his ways. It’s frustrating because when it’s good- it’s so good, but when it’s bad…. I just can’t handle anymore. I am so stressed, depressed, and I feel so betrayed.

I wish I knew of some good ways to word the things I wanna say to him. I am terrible when it comes to verbally expressing my feelings and sometimes it comes out as a big angry explosion. But I feel I DO have the right to feel angry and betrayed. He’s sworn up and down this behavior would end and somehow it just keeps creeping back. It’s been about a month now since his last drinking and driving episode or full on drunk blowout- but I still worry he will do it again. I bought myself a van to fix up and hopefully have a vehicle and I do not want him to drive it at all. Is that mean? I don’t have much trust for him and until he proves he wont drink and drive I am going to refuse to let him use it at all even sober.

I am a strong woman, I know that I can do things on my own. With my current situation it will take some saving and sneaky apartment finding or something- but I can get away and I know that. Love is just a tricky thing. Is this love or am I seriously just this desperate that I’m trying to save a hopeless soul? I don’t think he’s hopeless, I just wish he would get his shit together before I have to leave.