Your situation sounds tough and I can totally empathize. I get the sense that you are letting him call the shots in all of this. Have you been totally honest with him? Are you being totally honest with yourself?

Much love xxxx

Hi ses156,

You show a lot of insight into your tendencies and I think it is courageous that you wish to tackle your challenges head on. So many people are swept up in behavioral patterns that they can’t see or don’t wish to acknowledge. In my experience, acknowledging our current situation is the first step to transformation.

Vue and Vhanon have offered you some wonderful advice. Travelling is a wonderful way to take a step back and see the bigger picture of your life. It also offers you a chance to find out things about yourself and take time out to unravel what needs to be unraveled. Yet I know that it is all too easy to come back home and step back into those comfortable habits. The trick is to be mindful every step of the way. Why am I choosing to do this? Is it for escape? Or is it for transformation? What have I learnt? How can I integrate this into my ‘normal’ life?

I read recently that relationships, no matter how attentive your partner is, will bring up all of our unresolved issues to the surface and these issues undoubtedly stem from a feeling of not being worthy of love or good enough. This is certainly something you can work on whilst you are single but being in a relationship offers you a real chance to work through things too. Other people will always push our buttons and trigger us, especially if we form a close attachment to them. So I’m feeling that avoiding a relationship may not necessarily be the answer for you. As humans, we are wired for connection and resisting that can lead to a lot of unnecessary internal struggle. Perhaps it is better for you to accept your nature and your desire to be close to another, but next time the cycle repeats itself, become really curious about whats going on. I use the word curious because it seems to me that you are blaming yourself for feeling like you do. When we are curious however, there is no judgement. So become curious, be kinder towards yourself and know that you are not alone. This is something I struggle with on an almost daily basis – I also often feel that urge to become clingy and emotionally dependent on my other half, friends, family etc. I have accepted that I am a woman who likes to feel close to other people. I have also accepted that I will always need to keep practicing self-compassion, gratitude and love for the moments when I find myself alone and the fear creeps in.

Much love to you. You are terrific! Please be kinder to yourself. xx