He is looking for your forgiveness/blessing so that HE can move on without guilt.

I’m of the opinion that you don’t necessarily need to forgive everyone in life. Some actions are unforgivable. Don’t do anything to accommodate his needs any more, always focus on yourself first. I still feel he is being manipulative with all this (as was my ex, it’s predictable behaviour).

Sierra – you won’t regret it. You may be sad in the short-term, but you are young and have a lifetime of dating and relationships to explore. You need to find out what works for you and what doesn’t. I can tell as a distant observer that this current relationship will be no good for you. This boy is a narcissist (and misogynist and racist) and will leave you riddled with self-esteem issues if you continue it for too long.

“To be honest I have considered ending it with him because of his work schedule. Now this may sound selfish of me. But he has 2 nights a week when he hangs out with his friends. My thought process is so if you can carve out that time for them then why can’t you do the same for me. Once a week for an hour on video just so we can see each other and catch up. He hasn’t been able to do it. Maybe he’s done it once since he travelled. This makes me feel unimportant.”

To be honest, I’d feel the same way and I agree that one can find time for what they feel is important to them.

My advice would be to have a non-exclusive relationship until he returns and then see what happens. Long distance relationships are not easy. It sounds like you are giving more towards it than he is.

Reading through your post, I see a lot of red flags. He doesn’t sound like a trustworthy character and other, questionable personality traits are brushed off as being flaky. If you are already having doubts, which I think you are, then I feel your intuition is warning you. A lifetime of this will not be good for your wellbeing.

It honestly wouldn’t have mattered that much Risha. In your culture, the parents have more pull than one would imagine. If he is close to them, you never would have ended up with him anyway. I know you hurt. And, from personal experience, I know this will be on your mind for awhile. I’m two years out from my similar relationship and I still think about it and the pain that was caused me. It was life-changing. Go easy on yourself. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself. Learn to set boundaries moving forward. This has been helpful towards me.

You can look back and reflect on the time you shared together. I’m sure you hold some good memories. There is the phrase “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened”. His intentions may not have been always clear (I am of the camp that he was probably manipulative and deceitful in some capacity towards you) but you have shown that YOU are capable of love, faith and honesty. There is someone out there in this universe that is worthy of being on the receiving end of it.

As others have mentioned, having him enter your space in the manner he is will not help you moving forward. I would advise you to block him and get supervisors involved if his antics continue at work. You’re stronger than you think. Close the door and don’t look back.

I think the answer is obvious.

Man #1 might not be a perfect match, but it is already apparent that Man #2 isn’t. I would cut my losses and explore the first guy further. However, I would go into it with no expectations realizing that sometimes it is better to be single than stay with someone just for the sake of being in a relationship. The right person will eventually enter your life.

Edited to add: you can love someone without feeling obligated to stay in a romantic relationship with them.

• This reply was modified 6 years ago by Michelle.

I’m going to write a response … but you probably aren’t going to like it. I do hope, however, that is provides a sense of what this looks like from the outside.

I feel a part of you is getting your self-esteem from this interaction with him and that is unhealthy. That is why you haven’t blocked his number and still reply to his communication. It is feeding something within you, even though by all accounts the guy is a piece of crap. Why haven’t you blocked him? Why invite this drama and disrespect into your life? You will never move on, caught continuously between thinking maybe—just maybe—he will leave his wife now … but he won’t. Don’t fool yourself. He’s having his cake and eating it too. Let this continue and you will be strung along for months/years with nothing to show for it at the end of the day.

You write a lot of negative comments about his wife but … that IS his wife and you are a mistress. Fact. And it probably isn’t going to change. He is choosing her. You are a convenience (both with sex and, previously, money). Don’t you think you are worth more than that? Forget focusing on this relationship, you need to learn to love yourself.

I read your recent posts and I feel sad because no one should live like this. This is consuming your mind and thoughts and causing you to react poorly. Why trash the wife? You should be trashing him!!!

Someone – you’re awesome and I’m sure you would make all of us feel better 🙂

Risha – don’t reply further. He feels guilty and is trying to make himself feel better by getting you to admit that you are okay and accepting of his apology. It’s a manipulative tactic. I, personally, would not accept his apology. This is a big betrayal. It’s not a small thing. This is something that has destroyed your confidence and self-esteem, wasted years of your life that could have been better spent elsewhere, and honestly will affect how trusting you are towards other men in the future (which could also end up holding you back). He was WILLINGLY deceitful towards you. This isn’t a good person and he shouldn’t get off easy. My only concern right now is you and how I can help you move forward as best as possible. Keep letting your emotions out. They will be there for awhile. Start building yourself up in different ways. Learn something new. Start a new hobby. Read. Write. Perhaps plan a solo trip (this was most beneficial to me). Fall in love with yourself again. It is only through this that you will move on.