Good point – yes I suppose in that way I do.

Hi Anita – and anyone else on Tiny Buddha who chooses to read/respond,

It’s been a few weeks and the attracted-ness is still an issue. My boyfriend and I have been together nearly 8 months now.

He’s still a wonderful person and I love him, but my concerns are still here.

Last night I spoke with my mother and my sister, and I said to them “I dont think I’m capable of falling madly in love”. I definitely have before, but every time I do it’s with someone who’s wrong for me..or abusive..or significantly older. It’s as if I can only feel passion when I’m in a situation I shouldnt be in. So this time I tried to be with someone who’s right for me and I figured I should expect the passion not to be there.

When I think about it, a life with him makes sense. He would make a good husband and father. We are from the same religion, and he’s kind and loving and all the other positive things I have listed about him in the above posts. But I’m still unsure.

The thought of moving in with him scares me. The thought of living with anyone right now scares me which is unusual. Usually this is something that excites me.

While sex with him is good, I dont crave it like I usually do. Even though I am on zoloft, I have quite an active sex-life when I was single. With him, I generally only want it when it’s been a while and I need to scratch the itch, or I know he wants it and want to make him happy. I dont crave him as much as I do just sex every once in a while. We are down to having sex once a week or less..and it hasnt even been a year. That cant be a good thing. He often wants it and I almost never do..also not great.

While we both speak spanish and english and we are both from the same religious background, sometimes I find talking with him difficult. While he always listens and cares, sometimes he cant express himself because of the language barrier, and I’m not sure this is something I’m ok with long term.

He also has confidence issues. I know a lot of people do and I dont fault him for it,however I do think I probably need someone with more strength long term. I have anxiety and panic disorder and I’m not the most confident person. I think having someone who is opposite in that way may be a good balance for me.

So now I’m stuck in my head. All this happened last night. I have been pushing these issues aside for so long, hoping they didnt matter. I didnt want to be a shallow person and have attraction be an issue, but it is. And now I dont know what to do. I dont want to break up with him out of the blue. He has no idea I’m feeling this way and it wouldnt be fair. But I also dont want to lead him on.

I tend to be unable to move forward with my life when I have something like this in my head. I couldnt sleep all night and I felt even worse because he was there with me and I didnt feel like I could discuss this with him. How do you discuss something like this without breaking it off?

How do I stop caring?

as always, thank you for your response. i hope you all well1 nice to hear from you too

Hey guys —

Thank you so much for the kind words and the advice.

Ive tried using little toys in the past (stress balls, play things to keep my hands occupied) but they tend to not always work. Hopefully some of these tips you have provided will help 🙂

Thank you for making me feel sane, normal, and not alone.

Hi Anita,

As always, thank you for your support and kindness. I ended up speaking with my boss and it looks like I can get the surgery in April/May, which is significantly better than expected. I am much more calm today.

Thank you for checking in. I hope all is well with you