In terms of behavior, what can I change that will lead to different thinking and therefore feelings? I realize my habit of checking my phone and social media is detrimental to my success in beating this relationship fear/anxiety.

The thing about this anxiety/fear/OCD is that it is bad enough to make me feel crazy sometimes, but it never can actually push me over the edge. I don’t know if this is due to the fact that I’m on antidepressants and it numbs some of that emotional pain or it just keeps my brain chemically balanced. It’s like the fear is enough to keep me engaged in this behavior, but it won’t actually influence me to make some crazy decision or act out too irrationally. I think I’m just really fearful of losing my girlfriend or pushing her away, because I value this relationship so much. It just sucks to be in this position because it makes it so hard to determine what’s a real problem and what is not. It’s difficult to feel for someone else while trying to take care of yourself.

I need to break this cycle. Counseling I have done in the past, but right now would be difficult with my busy summer and because of money and I’d really rather figure this out on my own. The cycle is almost addicting, however. It’s like I hate it when I’m in it, but I keep putting up with it, maybe similar to what I would do with my stepmother. I would adjust my behavior to please her, but it didn’t keep me from moving forward. I’m super smart, outgoing, mostly positive, but I’ve got to find a way out of this cycle because it clouds my thinking, takes clarity away from my life, and makes it harder to enjoy the present moment.

Thank you guys, and Anita that does seem helpful to try. I also realized that my diet was affecting my mood as I wasn’t eating enough carbohydrates therefore altering my mental states. I did a little research and found that those people who go on low-carb diets such as the Atkin’s or Keto diet begin to notice changes in their thinking, moods, and emotions. I’m going to try to keep my diet balanced and when the negative thoughts arise, I will try my best to ground myself.

Yes, I could agree that my girlfriend is somewhat similar in that way of being snappy and can be moody.

No, I was too young to come up with a response to my stepmother as I felt powerless and my dad did nothing to help/didn’t realize or show that he cared/noticed. Maybe not on purpose, but he was not helpful in these situations.

I think she understands how she can be snappy and critical sometimes, but it’s hard to know exactly what kind of mood she is in over text or through phone communication. Together in person, I can usually work out any problems. But over the phone, I always feel confused and anxious as to what she is thinking. For example, “is she mad at me/is she not interested in me/is she thinking about our relationship?”. All of these things race through my head.

I also feel like it’s always my job to entertain her, always giving more input than her, and always the one to start a conversation. I’ve brought this up and she says she isn’t much of a conversation starter, but it can be extremely annoying always having to do the work. You get to the point of thinking that you’re the only one trying, which is also a huge downside of phone communication.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Scott.