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Bill

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  • #198481
    Bill
    Participant

    Thanks Joanna! I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s not easy, but you have many friends here who care for you.

    #198299
    Bill
    Participant

    Hi Joanna,

     

    I just finished reading through your posts and I want to start off by saying ā€“ without a doubt you are a good person. All you want are good things. Good things for yourself and good things for other people. Thatā€™s what good people do!

     

    If you donā€™t mind me offering my ā€œ2 centsā€ here ā€“ maybe it would be a good thing if you were not in a relationship right now? The reason I say this is because what you are really looking for is inside you. Itā€™s not going to be found outside of who you are, so you certainly will not find it in another person. Take some time to get to know yourself, and appreciate all the good things about you. Trust me when I say this ā€“ there are many good things about you. I can tell. You are passionate, caring, empathetic and obviously very intelligent. People can meet the person of their dreams and still be unhappy if they are unhappy with themselves.

     

    I struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem myself. Iā€™m not saying I have figured it out but I am happily a work-in-progress. I think it starts by feeling worthy. Worthy of all the good things that come your way. Worthy of self-love and self-appreciation. It takes time to change this kind of thinking because we accept it as ā€œThatā€™s the way it isā€, so we fail to see it for what it really is ā€“ a misconception about ourselves. I think by being easier on ourselves and having some patience we can learn new habits and change that inner dialogue. It doesnā€™t happen overnight, and I donā€™t think itā€™s supposed to. So when we are trying to change a belief that voice may immediately pipe in and say something like ā€œThis isnā€™t going to work. Weā€™ve tried this before and we are just not smart enough. Just quit now!ā€ We, without knowing it, listen to that voice. Would you talk to anyone else the way you talk to yourself? Think about that for a moment. All the good you see in others is in you too.

     

    Please know Iā€™m not saying this to make you feel better or to be nice. I say this because itā€™s true. Donā€™t get discouraged. The path to feeling better is not perfect. But we are not looking for perfection, we want balance. So if you have a few good days, followed by a bad one thatā€™s okay. There will be bad days. Bad days are part of life, and they are not always our fault. Also, they are not punishment because we are bad people. It sounds like the guy who was in your life may be in a similar situation. Iā€™m sure heā€™s not a bad person, but based on what Iā€™ve read he too may be having some issues with self-worth, hence why heā€™s treated you the way he has. The way heā€™s treating you has nothing to do with you, as it does with how he feels about himself. But itā€™s not up to you to ā€˜saveā€™ him. Only he can do that.

     

    After reading through your posts itā€™s very apparent that you have one more thing to be grateful for ā€“ Anita! The advice and compassion she has given you over the last few months is truly a gift. I feel like I watched a friendship start and grow right in front of me as I read through your exchanges!

     

    Again, Joanna ā€“ you are a good person and you are worthy of a wonderful life.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Bill.
    #188519
    Bill
    Participant

    Hi Brenin,

    First – I am so sorry you are going through this. All of it. The relationship struggles and the breakdown during the holidays. It sounds you’re taking on most of this by yourself.

    As I was reading your post I actually thought to myself “Maybe they need some time apart”, and then towards the end you mentioned how your therapist brought it up. My opinion – I think that’s a good idea. I’m all for couples counseling too, but I think you need to work on yourself before you can work on your relationship. From what you have said, it sounds like some time away will give you some much needed perspective. Perhaps you are feeling a strong sense of obligation towards your wife, so when she says she doesn’t want time apart you don’t want to disappoint her? If so, maybe that’s all the more reason why you should take some time for yourself? Once you’re feeling better than I truly believe couple’s counseling is the next step. But work on you first.

    Again, these are just my opinions based on what I’ve read. I really do wish you the very best with this situation.

     

     

Viewing 3 posts - 1 through 3 (of 3 total)