The only way this will stop harming you and your family is if you go “cold turkey”, cut the cord attaching you to your (ex) partner completely once and for all. Your small gestures of support and help, as well meaning as they are, will only continue to give her hope for now, and when she sees you pulling away again she’ll start with the threats and self-harm. It will be painful, but you have to stop responding. Switch your phone off, or change your number. Go away for a break yourself somewhere she doesn’t know you’ll be – get some space, peace and clarity.

Remember – anyone who harms themselves *chooses* to do so, and the responsibility is solely theirs. Her threats are simply to hurt you, to frighten you, to make you feel guilty about the “what ifs”. Like Jo who posted earlier, I believe that if she truly wanted to kill herself she would have done it by now. What’s clear is that this is her way of keeping you with her, guilty and terrified to take control.

Be strong. Whatever she does or does not do it is NOT your fault. You have to be responsible to support your children and yourself. As the saying goes, “sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind” – cutting all ties with this woman and not responding will be the best thing you could do for her.