Anita;

That’s the medication my doctor has recommended, as well. I have a few friends who have been on the same medication who have had very pleasant experiences. My one concern was if/when I was to go off it, what that would look like. When I was first diagnosed with UC, I had been undiagnosed and very sick for a year, so my specialist quickly put me on prednisone to help with the inflammation, and when it was time to come off it (very slowly) it was one of the worst times in my life, so naturally I was concerned. I’m happy to hear that you had a good experience with Zoloft, that makes me feel better.

My doctor and I have a follow up in a few weeks once I’ve had time to take the medication and see how I feel on it. I have hope, that’s the biggest thing. I see a light at the end of the tunnel, and hope to be back to my regular self soon.

Hi Anita,

Thank you so much for your reply. I would love your input.

I took my first dose of my antidepressant last night, and things were okay. I psyched myself up and didn’t sleep, worried about insomnia. I know it’s the right step for myself, it’s just getting my head around it, you know?  I am looking forward to feeling happier, and letting go of this little dark gloomy cloud hanging around me.

Sarah

Hi Jay!

YES! Goodness, do I ever understand that. Our friendships transition, just as much as we do throughout life, I totally get that! Not to say that all friendships don’t have a place within the transitions of our lives, but perhaps, our priorities change. While I was a young adult, I chose to be single and my friends were #1. Now, that I’ve found someone whose wonderful and I see a future with, my friends aren’t my top priority.  I think the people I would be okay with losing are those who don’t support me and the choices (good choices) that I make. I’ve worked hard to become who I am, and hard to get to where I am in life.  I don’t want the added “weight” I guess you could say, the add weight of people and their dark grey clouds.  I’ll be honest, I feel much better after standing my ground with my one friend – I think she has some hurt feelings, and I’m okay with her being upset with me.  It was much needed, and you know what I’m coming to terms with? Real friends may be upset that you stand up for yourself, but they’ll thank you, also.  It’s hard to see yourself in a mirror, like the REAL you, deep down, not the physical you.  It’s hard to have someone tell you that you may not be behaving like your best self. It’s happened me, and it’s awful, but you know what? I grew from it. I made changes, I became more mindful of how I was behaving and treating those I cared about.

Thank you – I haven’t beat my depression, per say, it’s always a work in progress. However, I do what I can do manage it. I meditate, I do yoga, I listen to my body/mind and what it needs from me. I don’t know that I’ll ever be rid of my depression an anxiety, but I’m definitely trying my best to work alongside it.

You’re absolutely right.  I want nothing more than to fill my friends and family with my light, and love. I think I need to stop worrying about what everyone elses expectations are of me, and start putting the expectations I have of myself, first.

It is nice to connect with you, and I value the words you’ve written. You’ve been a great help – just listening, and offering words of guidance.

Sarah

Hi JayJay,

You’re absolutely right, it HAS been a long time since I’ve put myself first.  I don’t want to come across as the victim by any means, but I definitely allow people to take advantage of me, and for what?  I don’t know why I allow it. Perhaps, I’m afraid of not having any friends? Or that someone would be mad at me? No, I know for sure that is part of the reason, that someone would be mad at me.  I’m trying, really trying to put down some boundaries. I find the greatest struggle is how to deal with the resistance, you know what I mean?

As for the friend who walks all over me – I sent her a very well thought out message outlining the way she made me feel, that I’d appreciate if she would be more mindful in her words when speaking with me. That, perhaps, she just doesn’t realize the way she is coming across.  I want to learn to stick up for myself, and not have to be rude about it (I was in no means rude to her) but let people know, “Hey, I will not tolerate treatment like this from you, or anyone”

As for my room mate, who knows, maybe she would be understanding and be happy for me! I might just be making it a bigger issue in my head. However, before she left this last time, she told me I abandoned her the month she was home (at Christmas, might I add – I work two jobs, I have divorced parents, and my boyfriends family – so needless to say, the holidays are quite busy). I tried to include her as much as I could, but was also busy living my life, as I have to when she goes away for months at a time.  Aren’t we all looking for the same thing? To love and be loved – to find someone to spend our forever with, and start a family? I’m always so happy when my friends find their ‘person’.

Thank you for your wisdom and words.  Sometimes, it’s getting the “it’s okay to feel this way” from someone makes a world of a difference.

Love and light – S

Hi Michela,

Thanks for responding.. I did feel complete when I met this guy. I had made just progress in self love, seeing a therapist and not really looking for love. I may have been overly nice to him, but that’s just who I am. I’m a nice person, who likes to do nice things for people and remind them that I care deeply for them. I truly, truly adored this person, and wanted him to know that. I didn’t want him to ever question my feelings for him. I, however, didn’t get that from him after about 6 weeks of being together. That’s when things changed, and now that I’ve had some time to reflect, I should’ve clued in then but I just really liked him. I questioned my worth though, I deserve more than someone looking elsewhere, I deserve someone who will fight for a relationship and not go running somewhere else when things get tough.

I really don’t know what I’m supposed to be learning from all this though. My heart hurts, and I’m constantly questioning if I’ve done something that has made someone want to treat me this way. Why someone would want to cheat?

Thank you for your advice and kind words, Marilyn.

My friend is seeking help professionally. Seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I’m just not sure how much help they are – or how much she is willing to open up to them.

I’m a strong believer in mind over matter – help yourself before someone else can help you. I’m at a loss with her, and I find that it is easier for me to pull away, then to actually put myself in a situation where she needs my “advice” or shoulder to lean on. I’ve offered help such as self help books (which I read continuously when I am feeling lost or down) but there always seems to be a reason as to why they won’t help.

I feel like a terrible person for feeling the way I do, but my happiness seems strained some days.

First things first wishluck, if he left you girl.. You don’t want him. You want someone who accepts you fully for the person you are; you don’t need to make any changes for a guy. Make them for yourself. Sometimes, not knowing the reason for the break up, you find out in the long run is better then knowing.

You don’t want a chance with him, you’ll realize that one day. The only advice I can give you is a quote from Chuck Palahniuk..

‘That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.’

Go on and live your life for YOU. Even though I don’t believe in revenge, as much as I do karma.. Living your life the way you want, really does drive people crazy. I hope you come to realize your worth, wishluck. Know that you are much too beautiful of a person to settle for less then you deserve. And you, do not deserve someone who picks up and walks away without any explanation.