Hi Crawford

I feel like everyone here has already said everything that needs to be said, but I would still like to contribute. Firstly, if you feel like you are sexually/emotionally attracted to men, you might be gay, or bisexual. Secondly, it is clear that you don’t have feelings for that particular girl, but it definitely does not mean you could never have feelings for ANY girl. Maybe you’re just not attracted to HER. You shouldn’t lead her on anymore. Also, being with her with the hopes that you will learn to love her eventually will be unfair to both you and her.

As far as I understand, this situation makes you feel confused as to what label (gay/straight) you identify with.

In my opinion, the biggest problem here is that you are feeling pressured to know exactly who you are, and be clear about it. But it is not that simple. You don’t have to always be clear about who you are and what you want. You don’t have to come out as gay if you aren’t sure or clear about your feelings towards women. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do so. I believe that there will be a time when you feel more confident and sure about your identity, and that would be the right time to embrace it, and declare it to others.

Once you do that, you will feel more free, in peace with yourself, and contribute more to your friendships and family relationships.

As far as finding your authentic self, I feel like letting go of the pressure to figure out who you are, and just trusting in God to bring that realization to you when the right time comes, and letting yourself just feel what you feel, like who you like, will help you feel more accepting of yourself, and comfortable with who you are. It’s okay to be confused, because when the right time comes, you’ll know exactly who you are.

I think that you should share this conflict that you have in your mind with at least one person in your life, maybe your best friend. You don’t have to tell them “I’m gay” if you’re not sure about it yet. You can simply share with them that you have realized that you have feelings for men, but you are still figuring out your sexual preferences. Help them be a part of your journey, and I’m sure it will make it much easier for you to find yourself. They might not take it well at first, but I’m sure they will learn to accept it.

I understand that it can be hard to live in a conservative society, and fear that people won’t accept you for who you are. But that can always change! In the end, your family and friends will only want you to be happy.