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Oleks

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  • December 17, 2020 at 12:03 am in reply to: my Bf of 16 years is being forced to get an arranged marriage #371181
    Oleks
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    Thank you, Anita. Next morning after this happened I tried to call, he didnā€™t pick up. So, just texted him that I had some ideas of what could be done as I was thinking for the whole night. And that morning I finally realized I can do nothing and itā€™s only on him now. I did everything that I could. Now I can only live through this and be well after some time. So, Iā€™m accepting it now, still feel bad but itā€™s a huge progress already. And good that I tried convincing him as I wouldnā€™t realize it. That morning he told me he accepted the situation already, so should I. And he said heā€™s gonna marry that girl. Although he was saying no before so I had hope because of that too, that I can wait. But he told me to not wait. Maybe even now he said he will marry so I just donā€™t hope. Maybe he still will not. But I think now that he will and I shouldnā€™t hope at all. I already understood something about that culture and that I knew nothing about that. So now I understand itā€™s unlikely to change something.

     

    it is sad if he knew but still started this relationship. As he could know much better than me.

    Yes, this is what he told me. He still didnā€™t start earning and heā€™s gonna work with his dad. He said they want him to pay off for what they did to him and this is the way and he is accepting it. I personally think that itā€™s too high price for what they did, as parents do it because they love. In his case they do it to have power, to live his life instead of him. Sadly he will never have choice if it goes like this. Even more sad because his kids will be at the same situation and life of all these people is life of his parents and their decisions.

     

    And i think good friends, family are very important and make people happy. Now he will make family and be near the partner all the time. Love is so important here I think… and of course all positive things that and behaviors that coexist with love.

    It makes sense to me. But of course feel so bad now. Have good and bad thought all time. Love, nostalgia , and disappointment from their culture and the whole situation.

    December 16, 2020 at 9:45 am in reply to: my Bf of 16 years is being forced to get an arranged marriage #371139
    Oleks
    Participant

    Hello,

    I really want to find some support, advices what can I do. And please help me create new topic if I get more answers like that…

    I am so lost now, feel so lonely. And I could see it happens here to many people. But I never could imagined it could happen to me.

    I love a guy from Pakistan. We met while studying in the UK, I am from Ukraine. Almost 8 months we were meeting every day, we had always so good time with each other, understanding, respect, could say everything and support each other, and never said anything bad to each other. First few months he was scared to promise me something. But then he said that he want to be with me. And I really love him and itā€™s my first time I met such a person. In august I went home to Ukraine. We talked on phone every single day. In December he went home (they live in Saudi Arabia). 2 days ago he heard that his parents were discussing that heā€™s gonna marry soon as heā€™s old. And he decided to say about me. He said today. And then he told me he didnā€™t expect this and he doesnā€™t have hope anymore. That his mom is against me as Iā€™m not Pakistani. Few hours later he said that actually it all happens as they told his aunt to marry his cousin and all her relatives know about that already. He told her parents he loves me and Iā€™m the best person, but his mom says they know better what he needs, and that his dad did everything to him and he should listen and respect them. If he says no, his dadā€™s sister will have fight with his family. And they will have fight with him. And they will not accept me. And he said that he doesnā€™t want me to go through this and said to breakup. And itā€™s likely that he will marry as he doesnā€™t want to fight.

    i still canā€™t believe and canā€™t accept this. I still hope that I or he can do something and something will change. Though maybe it useless hope which will make me feel worse. And he is not even gonna do anything I think… but how is it like this? I love him and he really loves me. I imagined future with him and thought how good man he is. The best for me. How can he be with cousin who he doesnā€™t know and doesnā€™t like? How will he be happy? His mom says heā€™ll be happy and if with me, he wonā€™t, and that our children would blame us that we chose each other. But how can he listen always to them and even ā€œloveā€ someone they say? I canā€™t believe this is happening.

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