Good for you! It is a process, to be sure. But I’m glad you’re starting to see positive results for your efforts. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and enjoy watching your kids grow up. You can do it because you are doing it. Happiness happens.

I am sorry this whole thing is putting you through the emotional wringer. I am not a wise, practical, or sensible person in many ways, but when I feel like my personal experiences can perhaps offer insight…I try to share.

I have a friend with thyroid issues, and she said for years it made it hard for her to find peace and happiness as a mother. She said so much of her battle was with herself that she wondered if she was present enough for her children. Her children are all adults now and they are fine. The thyroid issues just made it hard for her to enjoy motherhood.

I think you really would be happier if you cut your mother and sisters out of your life. I think Anita’s advice is worthy of following. YOU LOVE your children. YOU DON’T TERRORIZE people. Your children are old enough to understand why their TOXIC relatives are out of their life. If they really need to be around CRUEL, HATEFUL, MANIPULATIVE, MEAN family—they can do that when they turn 18. But for now, they are your children, and they will appreciate it’s your duty to protect them. I believe they really are capable of understanding this.

I cut my mean mother out of my life. It was not easy. I felt VERY guilty. But I did it. The amazing thing is… she still finds ways to terrorize me from afar. I’m telling you this so that you can understand that cutting your mean family off will not truly hurt your children. By cutting them off, they will probably still find ways to be nasty. But you will be in the power position of not seeking the abuse, doing your best to pursue only positive people, etc. Your children will see first hand that you are only trying to protect them from nastiness. You will be teaching them they don’t have to be victimized. And watching grandma be mean and devious will be all the explanation and justification they need… and it won’t even be your voice delivering the facts.

Please do yourself and your family a favor… call it “quits” with your mean family. Seek a community of people you can be proud of your children befriending.

Hi! It’s always fun to run across a fellow Asperger’s person! Asperger’s means I have a hard time trying to make what I see fit with what other’s WANT me to see. I didn’t always know how much autism can make it easy for con artists and abusers to manipulate me. I’ve had to learn some HARD lessons. I’d like to recommend to you the book “Aspergirls” by Rudy Simone. This book is an amazing reference to consider any time you are autistic and questioning where to go next with your life. You have an exceptional gift that will attract people to you in time (Asperger people tend to bloom a little later than neurotypicals). Twenty-three is still a few years before your “prime”. But once you get a few years older, it will be surprising how quickly your world will change. Hold off on any permanent decisions about your fate. Asperger’s means you get to take your time and step forth with a unique mind that people will find youthful and attractive for your entire life.

I think Anita’s advice is well-worth listening to. He’s putting a lot of energy into what looks to be a huge smokescreen. You are describing your actions with great remorse. That’s normal when you make an honest mistake and inadvertantly hurt somebody you love. Slamming somebody with platitudes about how they can no longer trust you… right or wrong… that’s an odd way to treat a loved one.

When I get emotionally overwhelmed and struggle to make sense of things, I like to re-imagine the event… only I switch roles. I would pretend you are him and he is you and run the scenario again. Do the events make sense in this version? Does something jump out like a red flag or a clear bell of truth?

Not everybody values clarity and truth to the same degree. Do not destroy your heart by pairing yourself with somebody who does not share your same definition of the things that are important to you.

I’m sorry you are missing your friend and hurting by the way he is currently treating you. I’m a little embarrassed to say I once behaved the way your friend did. I was in a very high stress job that took ALL of my energy to perform. My mentor hit a point where she decided enough was enough. She left and I was given the “opportunity” to fill her void. I did not have the years of experience of wisdom to see that leaving the company was the SMART thing to do. I was so wrapped up in trying to do the job, be a team-player, and generate “success”. I didn’t understand why my mentor left. The job was all consuming and I started to feel angry with my mentor for leaving me with so much work. It didn’t occur to me that the reason I was sick and miserable all of the time was because it was a horrible job. I just thought this was my big opportunity and my chance to make it in the world. I was not friendly towards my mentor for quite some time. It wasn’t until my health gave out and I was forced to quit that I started to see how foolish I had been.

My mentor had been right. She did the sensible thing. I just lacked the wisdom and maturity at the time to understand her choice to leave. I wanted to prove I could succeed. I just didn’t get that there are some jobs where “success” is a mirage. Once I had time away from that job and could see how my mentor had correctly read the situation, I saw I had some serious apologizing to do.

I don’t know what choices your friend will choose to make. But please know from somebody who’s been on the wrong side of this that it’s going to take some time before he can even see things from your perspective. And if he does, he’s going to be pretty embarrassed. It might be hard to work up the nerve to reconnect with you. If he does, and you are in a place to wish him well, I’m guessing he will be thrilled to rebuild the friendship. I know my mentor’s emotional generosity towards me meant a lot. I hope you and your friend get a chance to experience the same some day.

I’m so sorry you lost your dog. It is really normal to find a million ways to blame yourself. I really get it. My dog, my bunny, and two of my horses all suddenly passed away this past year from events described by friends, family, and veterinarians as “freak accidents”. I feel cursed. The thing is with your dog, in order to love your dog and support her in a way that honored the very special individual she was, you had to let her be HER. Not going to work, going on lockdown every time the door opened, not having guests over… all of that would have created an atmosphere of panic, control, and hostility. That is not how you show love. I’m sorry loving her with all of your heart couldn’t go on forever. But hating yourself for not being her jail warden… it won’t bring her back and it would have destroyed the joy you shared.

I’ve had plenty of practice hating myself for not preventing the bizarre and tragic circumstances that led to my pets dying in four separate tragic incidents this year. Hours upon hours of “How did I not see this coming?” have delivered the same answer I will give you: The only way to have prevented these tragedies would have involved stifling their quality of life, never letting them be the beautiful animals they were created to be, and destroying their hearts.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. You can give the best care in the world, build a custom barn with every detail carefully attended to, buy the very best food, love them with everything you have… and you still lose everything. Please hold on to the best memories of her and honor the joy she gave you by making the world know it’s a better place because she was here.