Hey everyone! Thanks again for all of your advice. I do sincerely appreciate it.

There has been a new development. Maybe this is an opportunity … or maybe not. You tell me.

In my original post, I mentioned that Stef has a chronic illness that will keep her from living a “normal life.” In the interest of full disclosure, she has Crohn’s disease. I had never heard of it before two years ago, but from the descriptions I’ve read, it sounds devastating. Not a happy diagnosis by any means.

On Monday, a mutual friend on Facebook posted a link that another woman (not my friend, but is Stef’s, and I know her) had posted. This other woman, Cindy, is preparing to run a marathon next month to raise money for Crohn’s research, and dedicated the run to Stef. She is asking for donations, and is about $300 short of her goal.

Cindy also said Stef is sick and may have to quit her job.

The website for donations includes a scrolling list thanking those who donated. About four or five people donated $100, and about six or seven donated $50. Many others donated less than that. I’m confident that Stef would see any donation Ann and I made. And the donation would absolutely be from “Ann and Sanguine Smith.”

Best case scenario: this would be a good opportunity to make a friendly gesture toward Stef, and show that I have Ann’s blessing for doing so. Worst case scenario: I guess it’s possible I could get an angry email from Stef telling me to leave her alone, and would take offense at the whole idea. Might also tick off Ann, but she is a very generous person (she bought a homeless man lunch at McDonald’s the other day). Honestly, if we made like a $20 donation and I never heard anything from Stef I would be OK with that — at least she would know that Ann and I are moved by her suffering and want to help find a cure.

Regardless of what happens, any donation would be well spent toward trying to find a cure for Crohn’s. Like I said, it sounds horrible. That’s really the most important part.

I have until early October. What should I do? I haven’t mentioned any of this to Ann yet.

@Lori: Yes, you totally get it.

@Anita: You make a good point. Another clarification: Ann told me once that she “doesn’t have a problem” with Stef, but she also added that she “doesn’t trust her.” She said she trusts me, but not her. I guess that means Ann thinks Stef would secretly love to have an affair with me. I seriously doubt that was ever considered by anyone, but if Ann really does think that then I do have a problem.

Hi Anita,

Thank you for reading this and responding, but I have to be honest — your replies haven’t been very helpful so far.

Ann and I are very happy. I’m not sure why you would think otherwise, but trust me, we are. And yes, Ann and I have spoken about this a few times. She has told me that she doesn’t understand why I want to be friends with Stef — and has made it plain that she doesn’t like her — but she says she trusts me and that it’s fine. And if she was really not cool with it, I wouldn’t be on here chatting with you now.

Ask yourself: Why would I spend the time to write this long diatribe if my ultimate goal was to have an affair? I can understand why you would think that’s my motivation, since I have a history with Stef. But that’s not my plan. And honestly, there are much easier ways to have an affair.

Why would I go through the trouble of trying to get the online friendship with Stef back, with Ann’s knowledge, if the ultimate goal was an affair? Sounds pretty dumb, especially since I’ve already learned the hard way that Ann could be reading anything I write. Why would I risk losing everything?

No. This is simple: I don’t want to leave things the way they are. I’m trying to resolve a misunderstanding, nothing more.