You know to be completely honest, I said “…love myself more before I get myself in another relationship” and the truth is I say that as a cop out to going out and finding another relationship.

Solie, this what you said, does it mean that you don’t really mean the “love myself more” part and you are using it as a cope out instead of going out and looking for another relationship?? They have this saying in Spanish that un clavo saca a otro clavo. One nail gets out another nail. However, while I believe this to be somewhat true. I don’t believe that it will give you what you are really looking for. You will attract what you are or what you are seeking. Love will happen when you are ready.

Another thing, you talk about abandonment issues. Do you realize that by seeking out these kinds of men, you are abandoning your own self?

Your rejection triggered the re-birth of my 5 year-old self waiting for my father to show up in my life. Has me questioning why must men continue to shit on me? Aren’t I worthy of love? Aren’t I worthy of an explanation? Aren’t I worthy of closure?

You are worthy of love and that’s why you should continue to focus on loving yourself first and foremost, because you are worthy of your own love. Men continue to shit on you because you are picking the wrong kind of guys. A better question would be why am I picking the wrong kind of guys? I asked myself this very same question so many times. My answer came years later. I picked the wrong kind of guys because I didn’t love myself. Because I didn’t think I was worthy of love so when someone showed interested, they became my attachments. I kept attracting the same kinds of guys until I stopped myself and said enough.

Worthy of an explanation? based on who’s standards? On theirs? The stories I hear from you say no, they don’t consider you worthy of an explanation BUT that doesn’t mean you aren’t. Don’t measure your worthiness off of some sad person’s standards. They are the ones who aren’t worthy of you. Closure? We all want closure to feel completed, to feel that we can finally move on. We are works in progress. We will probably be never quite completed. The closure you seek is to understand why they do what they do. They probably haven’t even come to terms on why they do what they do. Probably walk away because is easier than to call and explain. They live in worlds where the only important player is themselves and no one else. Let them live in fantasy worlds and don’t try to understand what can’t be understood. You sound like a good person trying to figure it out. Just keep putting in the work like you have been. My favorite quote that I tell myself when shit goes down, is “this too shall pass.” Nothing lasts forever. This rain will pass, and once it passes, the sun will shine. It always does 🙂

(I don’t mean to be harsh or judgmental, I just sometimes get a little passionate when I see good people putting themselves in bad situations 🙁 )

Neither of you are ready. Go with your gut feeling.

To your last post, you could have worked it out if both wanted. If both were willing to put in the work. If. If’s create anxiety and stress. If’s dont exist. Im very proud of you for going to therapy!! I wish I’d taken that road before now. I was in a similar position where I didnt have my emotions all sorted out(still working on it) but he has decided to stay with me and work on it. It has not been easy but it’s the road we decided to walk. Maybe someday it will come back and workout or maybe it wont. It doesnt matter and you should focus on your now, which looks like you are trying to do. You are in the right direction 🙂

I was once in a similar situation. So, I understand the part where you want it over with already. But it doesn’t work like that :/

Time was what did it for me. You have in your head this idea that he is the one for you. Somewhere in there & heart, you want this to be true so bad. You know this isnt the case. You have trouble moving on because, in reality, you know you need to move on but that part of you doesn’t. Living in that inbeween is the worst. And if you want to move on…for your own happiness, you need to tell yourself: enough, I’m moving on. I made mistakes and fell in love with all my heart. There’s nothinn wrong with that. Sometimes other people aren’t ready for this kind of love. I’m owe to myself to find someone worthy to be my partner. Not everyone will do. So today, I move on because I love myself.

Tell your self each day how awesome you really are. Btw, after moping around for like a year…and contacting the guy at weaker times…one day I woke up and he wasn’t there!! It was so awesome to finally feel free! It was not easy and many, many tears were shed, sad songs sang, lots of gym time and new experiences. And then, while my life was on the way up, I met My One 🙂 There have always been struggles, but there is a huge difference between those that really want to put in the effort and work them out vs those that don’t care. Move on and let new things flow into your life, you are much too valuable to cry over spilled milk.

Sometimes quitting is the best you can do for yourself. You already caught yourself with bad feelings toward him. You said you talked to him about your feelings and the meds. If the mood swings are like you say, he needs to start treatment for the best of the relationship. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. I say you put yourself first and walk away from a relationship that is not making you happy. End a relationship where that other person isn’t willing to put in the work. To be 100% honest, this relationship seems normal nowadays since most people are in crappy relationships. You already know what you want to do. This for the rest of your life? No, thanks. Btw, you are not your mom. Sometimes walking away is the right answer.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Samwise.

You cannot remain friends so I suggest you get that out of your thoughts. Accept your responsibility in the choices you made. If you don’t learn the lessons, they will happen over and over.

The feelings are there and just allow yourself to see and acknowledge them. Let anger come out thru working out or running. You know that you are better off. The pain is real and stays there for a while, but trust me. One day you wake up and you realize that you don’t even feel it anymore. Life goes on and better things await you. Cut all contact and just move on. No need for anything else. Time will give you what you are seeking in terms of healing, but you gotta put in your part. Good luck!