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samir sahaParticipant“Love is a beautiful feeling, people spoil it by trying to make it last forever”
The purpose of love is to make our lives beautiful but sadly for most of us it brings lots of complication and pain just after a short period of happiness. The cause is simple ” expectations” . Every love comes with an expiry date and very few of us are lucky enough to have a love with expiry date of lifetime. Except the truth and don’t fight it. Set things free and if that particular love is meant to be there in your it will be there no matter what else it will soon vanish. Forcing or expecting to get things work in your way will only make things worst. Manipulation and love never go together…Check out this simple story that might make my point clear…
June 20, 2013 at 7:32 am in reply to: How do I escape from the downward spiral of self doubt? #37222samir sahaParticipantHi Tai ! The only problem what I see here is that you are thinking too much. Simplify your thoughts. Your happiness and your peace is within you you don’t need to search anywhere else.
Always keep in mind ” life is 1% how you make it and 99% how you take it”. Start looking for positivity in all the things around you. Start living in present and stop worrying about future. Check out these two stories. It might be helpful for you.
http://upsohigh.com/i-would-have-done-it/
http://upsohigh.com/the-little-contribution/“Some people pursue happiness others create it” ….Good luck 🙂
samir sahaParticipantI would like to suggest one more article
June 17, 2013 at 5:13 am in reply to: I don't feel good about myself unless I am in a relationship #37042samir sahaParticipantHi Anne, I am really sorry for what had happen with you. You are doing a great Job by keeping in touch with his parents.
It is really very clear from your writing that you really loved your man. Now think in this angle, if he could still see you from somewhere, will he like to see you living in pain of guilt all the time. By doing so you are bringing pain to his soul. Check out this story. It might helphttp://upsohigh.com/nurturing-the-jackfruit/
No one can go back and undo things but we can take right steps now and make things better in future. You have doing a great thing by still being in contact with his family.
Family was the one thing about which he cared. The other thing he cared about was you, you should take care of yourself as well. Free yourself of all your guilt and try to live a life which he has ever dreamed you to live…June 17, 2013 at 12:42 am in reply to: I don't feel good about myself unless I am in a relationship #37030samir sahaParticipantHi Ingrid!
you have to completely accept that your relationship with your ex is over. Nine years is a long time and getting over a relationship like that could be the most difficult thing to do. I would suggest that you should stop making any contact with him immediately. These small interaction give hope and hope create confusion which ultimately complicate our lives.
I did the same mistake what you are doing now. I kept my hope alive for my ex. We had a relationship of 8 years. My attempts worked and she came back to be.But now I regret why I chased her, I should have let her go. Even if you get back together relationship wont be the same as it was earlier. A string once broken can not be joined again, if you rejoin it the generated knot will hinder the early smoothness.Check out this story, this might help you understand my point.
http://upsohigh.com/complete-acceptance/
Life is not just of 9 years.You have two choices. Either let go these 9 years right now and live your life as it never happened or cry for another 9 years and then regret for wasted 18 years for rest of your lives. Good Luck 🙂
samir sahaParticipantHi Ella, thanks for reading the recommended articles.
It is a human tendency to expect from people and situations. I am not asking to start thinking that your expectation will not be met. All what is required is to be prepared that things might not turn out as you have expected.
I will give you an examples from my life..when I enter in to my office every morning I don’t expect my boss to appreciate my previous day work. I focus on what is in my hand..that is doing my job with maximum efficiency…My boss reactions might have influence of traffic jam or his wife’s weird behavior at the breakfast table this morning.Focus on your actions not on the reaction which come in return. Do best with what is in your control and focus least on what is out of your control.
Remember “Life is 1% how you make it and 99 % how you take it”
I am not aware of your real problem, if you could help me with your exact situation I might suggest something helpful. You can mail me if that is not a problem samir.saha1@yahoo.co.in.samir sahaParticipantHi Ella, you have not mentioned what is the reason for your depression and negativity in your thoughts hence lets talk about the basics of being happy always.
Firstly you have will to completely accept your situation no matter how bad it it. Thinking again and again about what is missing or whatever has gone wrong will not fix it.
Secondly minimize your expectation with people around you. Unmet expectation are the major reason for frustration and unhappiness.
If I am unable to make myself clear you can check below attached articles.That might be of help.http://upsohigh.com/the-negativity-chain/
http://upsohigh.com/complete-acceptance/Good Luck 🙂
samir sahaParticipantYour fear is making you weak Heather. When you get scared from a dog and starts running he chases you but as soon as you stop running dog stops too. Every one get scared some or the other time but the trick is not to show it. Once the a person realize that you are tougher than him he is never going to bother you again.You don’t have to fight back or something all you have to do is to stare direct in to his eyes and make him feel that you are not scared anymore.
Watch the movie ” The karate Kid” , there is a scene in the last fight of the movie where this kid directly stares in to the eye of his opponent without any emotion of fear or anger visible..Check that out that might make my point clear..samir sahaParticipantHappiness in my point of view is not any destination or achievement but its all about the lives journey itself. There is a famous saying
“life is 1 percent what you make it and 99 percent how you take it ”
Its truly about perception. A positive way of taking things along with least expectation from the world around can keep your “Happy gene” active.I remember a story of a 70 year old business man whose factory caught fire due to some accident. When the news was delivered to him, the old man started smiling.
“Have you gone Insane. Your Factory is in fire and you are smiling” someone asked.
” At the age of 70 god wants me to start fresh, I am thankful that he never let me feel old” The old man replied..still smiling 🙂samir sahaParticipantCheck this article from Tinybuddha
samir sahaParticipantHi Hitesh! what you are implying here is compromising with your passion with what life gave you. That’s not what not what I meant.
@Shamita, If singing is your passion you will find your ways to acquire necessary talents. As far as Leaving your job is concerned you can not do it instantly. You need to start working on your passion area along with your current job and once you have started making some static income with it you can leave your job ..
Here are some other suggestions to help you fire your job and to pursue your passion instead:1). Be Self motivated
Visualize yourself dong what you like doing most. Feel the happiness which you will gain by doing show. Do it whenever you get time. This will push you further towards your passion2)meditation and solitude.
Start practicing meditation and spend some time in solitude everyday. This clears up your conscience and attach you to real you. You can realize your strengths and weaknesses. Self awareness is really important when you are planning to take your life in your control.3) Simplify your life
Start spending less and saving more. Start leaving simpler now so that you can use the savings when time gets wrong. Some money in your account will always help you in taking necessary risks in your pursuit of happiness.4) Start acquiring skills
Start acquiring skills necessary to pursue your dreams. Gain knowledge about the field in every respect. After all its going to be your arena…You need to be the master in everything.5) Continue with your current job unless and until you are sure that you can continue without any income for at least a year. You need to plan properly.
GOOD LUCK 🙂
samir sahaParticipantVery true the major reason why people are unhappy is “expectation”. Stress and frustration mostly comes from unmet expectations? In such cases we have two choices: Either change the reality around or change our expectations.First case, in most situations is out of our control but we can learn to change our expectation when its not met.
In short, get used to not getting what you want. 🙂samir sahaParticipantYour comments clearly says that you really love that man 🙂 . Faking things could be difficult ,I can understand that…
Alright, Imagine yourself 5 years down the line-You are married to the same man because of your love for him. You have a kid.Your husband doesn’t changes his habit and does the same bad things to your kids as he does to you now..What will you do then..will you be able to tolerate that….This thought might motivate for faking.
He has got in to some bad company and few hard steps are required to pull him back…That’s my thinking…Rest is up to you..Good Luck 🙂samir sahaParticipantI would suggest brake-up but if you really love that man and want him to get back to normal life give it a last shot..
Try to fake brake-up with him..let him go completely for couple of months don’t entertain any attempt of interaction from his side.If he really loves you he will leave all his bad things and will do every attempts to get you back. Else he would give up soon and will continue doing what he is doing. In the later case he is not your man any more and dose not deserve a save by you…get over it…good Luck 🙂samir sahaParticipantHI Lousie!whenever you are going for date these days “Sex” is thought running all the time in your back head. That also is overpowered by negativity. You need to get rid of these negativity first. Next time when you go out for a date, focus on having real conversation rather than your imagination wondering somewhere else in the world of failure. Live in present , be yourself and get rid of failure fears. Your fear is generating negativity in your actions which is making you repulsive. Try to know the person you next meet, give time ,let the chemistry build up..sex will automatically find its way. Good Luck 🙂
First time is very special don’t spoil it up sleeping with some jerk heartlessly. Good Luck 🙂
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