Hi Blissful22,

This is a long post! Eek. But I identify with you so much and want to share with you my story, in case it may help you.

I am a Christian, and I recently ended a relationship that was “unequally yoked”. I started dating someone who I met through my church community, and I made the incorrect assumption that he was also actively seeking God. As we dated, he cleared up that he isn’t “religious” or “spiritual,” (he was part of the church community for non-religious reasons). While I had my reservations, I convinced myself that we could get to know each other and respect each another’s faith journeys. I thought, “We connect so well, why not take the dive? Why is sharing our faith so important to a successful relationship, anyway?”. We fell in love, and I thought everything was fantastic.

Eventually, it became very clear how I was pulling away from God to be with my boyfriend. I felt like I couldn’t share my prayer life with him. I felt like he didn’t “get it” or was rolling his eyes at Christian spirituality. I was living “in sin” with my boyfriend, and the conviction God placed on my heart grew stronger.. Even so, I wanted our relationship to work so badly.. I fell deeper and deeper in love with him, and I quietly shelved my worries about my spiritual growth.

It wasn’t until we had a serious talk about raising a family that I started seeing how this was the wrong man for me. I told him that it was important for me to raise children knowing God and to have God as the center of my family’s life. If we’re to have children, it’s our responsibility as parents to be spiritual leaders and examples in their lives. Unfortunately, my boyfriend didn’t see eye-to-eye with me on that. That was the dealbreaker for me. It’s been so difficult letting the love of my life go, but the cost of my relationship with my boyfriend was my relationship with God. It was the most heart-breaking experience, but it came down to choosing God over the man I love. This was a big lesson to me about diving headfirst without careful consideration about what God wants versus what I want as immediate gratification.

I desire to know God fully. If I am to be in a gospel relationship that honors God first instead of myself, my romantic partner and I should both be seeking God. Matching yourself with an atheist is a recipe for heartbreak. It breaks God’s heart not to be obedient to Him, and we must seek His will in dating and marriage. To do this, we must look at the Bible in context. When Christianity was in its infancy, people who were already married became Christians. These converts were troubled about their current marriage with non-Christians. Paul wrote about the salvation of a non-believer spouse through the believing spouse in order to deter recent converts from divorcing their non-believer spouse (1 Corinthians 7:14). He is very clear about not knowingly entering marriage with a non-believer (2 Corinthians 6:14), for their doubts may ultimately influence you and your children to turn away from God.

Bottom line: It is not wrong to love others, regardless of belief systems. However, it is not a God-centered relationship if both parties aren’t seeking God. Also, it will be very difficult to rear children in the way that God intends us to (the husband = spiritual leader of the family). For Christians, the ultimate goal of dating is to get to know the other person as a potential marriage partner, and marriage is an act that should honor God above ourselves.