Hi Brian – as I’m reading through your post, it looks to me that all the activities you are trying to fill your time with (instead of drinking) involve other people – did I assume that right? Is drinking something you do because you can do it alone? Does it bother you to be alone, or rather having no one to spend time with? If so, that may be something you want to ask yourself questions about – because learning more about who you truly are can be an empowering experience. Who are you when you’re not drinking? Who are you when you’re alone? Who are you when you’re struggling to pass time? Who are you when no one’s returning your calls?

Are there other activities you can do alone and enjoy? I’d say invest time in yourself – try to figure out what makes you laugh, smile, enjoy; try to remember what you loved doing as a child that you could spend hours doing and not even be aware that you were lost in time; try to figure out or even schedule one thing each day you could do which you normally wouldn’t do…. if you did one new interesting / intriguing thing each day, it would create magic and mystery in your life – you would actually look forward to it each day, and you would look forward to the next day and the next… it would open your eyes to your own inner world.

When you can love yourself and who you are, others will come to you automatically. When you run from yourself, others will subconsciously run from you too.

Does this make sense at all? If I’ve misinterpreted your post, forgive me.

Hi again Libby,
Sorry to hear you feel like you wasted your money on the Power of Now. Yes, it can get deep, but only because the timing may not be right. I’d say, if you try reading it later when you feel called to it, you might feel a connection.

Byron Katie’s “Loving What Is” is a great book that’s easier to read. Also her “I Need Your Love – Is That True?” Do look them up on Amazon.com and read excerpts before you buy them, so you don’t feel like you’re wasting your money 🙂

And yes, you are on your spiritual path – I’m glad that makes you smile!!
-Saiisha

Dear Helen,
I don’t know enough about anxiety as a disorder, so forgive me if I say something that doesn’t ring right.

I think if you can get deeper into examining where your anxiety comes from, versus your intuition, you may be able to control your anxiety better? Or at least become aware of it?

According to the Upanishads (ancient Vedic writings), there are 5 koshas or layers of being.
1. Physical layer (Annamaya kosha) – your body has its own supreme intelligence. Every cell is connected and communicating all the time. When your body reacts with goosebumps, or shivers up your spine, or a heaviness in your chest, it’s your body speaking to you, giving you signals.
2. Energy layer (Pranamaya kosha) – your energy levels are very telling of how you feel – notice if you feel a surge of positive energy when you think of a certain event or a drain of energy when you think of a certain toxic person in your life. It’s your energy telling you the truth.
3. Mental layer (Manomaya kosha) – this is your mind – ah, where the root of a lot of anxiety and mental disorders come from, and the layer that all meditations are trying to soothe. Don’t get me wrong – your mind is a very powerful entity. Maybe too powerful for its own good, unless you can control it. When we don’t give it direction, it takes over, tries to become the master, and makes up its own stories and directions. These are the signals that can wring you dry because the mind can take both sides – it argues and acts only based on its previous experiences, and does not understand non-experience based intuition. When you can understand and become aware that the mind is constructing stories to convince you of its thoughts, you can know whether to use or ignore its anxious advice.
4. Wisdom layer (Vijnanamaya kosha) – this is the higher wisdom that’s underneath the processing / thinking aspect of the mind. This is the layer you want to gain access to, to make the right decisions.
5. Layer of Bliss (Anandamaya kosha) – this is the beautiful center of who you are – complete and pure bliss – if you can reach it and touch it. But because it’s covered with other layers upon layers, we very often don’t even know or recognize it, except in some undisguised moments. This is the core you are trying to uncover when you go into deepest meditation.

I know I do not have answers to speak to your disorder, but I hope this helps in understanding the bigger picture of where it might be coming from.

Namaste, Saiisha

Libby – I responded to your other post last night – I hope it helps. Also, I just remembered that there is a big chapter (I think chapter 3) in the New Earth by Eckhart Tolle about pain. I think it will give you a deeper understanding of why / how people behave when they’re unconscious and in the grip of ego. It may help you to understand your mom and sister’s behaviors, and also maybe your own reactions.

Whether you’re aware of it or not, you stepped on your spiritual path. So start looking at the world with your new eyes – your inner eye and “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” (Gandhi)

Marcus – whether you know it or not, you’re actually doing it right. What you call “copping out” is actually following your heart, what your gut is telling you, rather than doing what other people expect you to do. Do more of it – cop out more, please people less, follow your own gut – that’s the surest way to passion and purpose.

There’s two ways to get closer to your purpose / calling in life:
1. To follow the beeline of where the honey is – where you feel drawn, where your joys are, what makes you smile, what makes you feel alive. If you don’t know this yet. Start experimenting. Create a ritual for yourself to do at least one (new) thing each day that will make you smile, laugh or feel purposeful. Since you said helping people is one activity you like, maybe start doing one thing to help someone each day – not just money, but maybe helping an old friend who’s in trouble, buying someone coffee, or helping kids in highschool, etc. You only have to look and you’ll find your one thing for the day. The point of this exercise is for you to learn what brings you joy. Following your joys is the shortest way to finding your purpose.

2. Let go of what doesn’t serve your purpose – you’re already doing this by “copping out”, letting go of the internship that doesn’t feel right in your bones. Continue to do this. Stop doing things to please other people, out of obligation or expectation. “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be.” (Lao Tzu). Take the time to know what you might be. Take all the time you need. That’s what your life is about – to become who you truly are!

Namaste, Saiisha
http://www.NestInTheForest.com

Have you read Shunryu Suzuki? He’s passed on, and there’s not many books by him, but I loved his Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind.

Hi Libby – The Vedantic view of the “universe” is “creation” (Prakriti), the creation that we live in, that we’re children of; and so we operate by her laws. When a lot of the modern spirituality talks about the laws of the universe (law of attraction, law of karma / cause and effect, etc.), whether they know it or not, that’s what they’re obliquely referring to.

Does that help? I’d be happy to answer more questions as you have them. As for book recommendations – I LOVED the Untethered Soul (which is based on Vedantic concepts); anything by Pema Chodron if you want more of Zen / Buddhist recommendations, and I also like Eckhart Tolle’s the New Earth.

Inky – your comments always make me laugh 🙂 And Autobiography of a Yogi was one of my favorites too in high school.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Saiisha.

Hi Jack,
I’m not Buddhist (I’m Hindu so some of the Vedantic origins are similar). But I agree with Annie and Anita – it really doesn’t matter what religion we belong to, our human journey of emotions and experience is still very similar.

However, since you asked specifically about Buddhist views regarding self-confidence, these might help:
http://viewonbuddhism.org/self-confidence.html
http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Buddhism/Articles/Self-Confidence-from-a-Buddhist-perspective.aspx
http://thebuddhistblog.blogspot.com/2006/07/self-worth.html