Lucy – you’re right, you don’t have to choose between your family and your life – you can have loving relationships and still become your own person. Try taking small steps toward the person you want to become – and they will learn to get to know the person you’re becoming. Good Luck – your life awaits you!

Hi Lucy – I agree with Anita – reminds me of the Einstein quote: “All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded the individual.” In your case, your society includes your parents and sisters and friends who have created some unwritten expectations. You can be the individual that can help change the society in your own small way.

I tell my teenage son not to get married till he’s 42 🙂 As a joke of course, but also to take the pressure off of society’s expectations that he needs to date, marry, have kids, etc.

I think giving yourself time to explore the world, various cultures, religions, people, and even your own wishes for the life you want to live can only help you make better / wiser decisions in the long run. You really don’t need to explain anything to anyone else – follow the direction that your deepest desires lead to.

Good Luck Lucy!

Hello Anonymous – it appears to me that you have a healthy relationship with your boyfriend despite some of his issues / your reactions. A bit of solitude when things get to be too much always seems to help. Some people feel lonely and anxious when they’re alone – so I don’t know if this is good advice for you, but if you’re someone who thrives on soul searching, time alone might help you during anxious times like these – journaling, long walks, meditation are all great things to get you back on track.

Another thing you could do is to try to narrow down on what’s causing the anxiety – when you lump them all together it might seem like an insurmountable situation, but if ask yourself what’s the one thing that’s causing you the most anxiety at this time, then work on improving that one situation, it might start to put you back on happy path. It doesn’t sound like it’s your boyfriend, since you’re figuring out a way to talk to him; so it could be one of the other things you mentioned -so ask yourself what one thing would make you happy right now… the first answer that comes to mind – for ex, living by the ocean, or having the perfect job – whatever comes to mind first may be the thing that’s causing you anxiety because it’s not happening for you right now. Once you hone in on what feels off you can try to course-correct your path. Even if you can’t do it right away, just awareness alone will get you a long way away from anxiety.

I’m glad you’re also considering therapy – good luck with everything!!

Hi Jomacamp,
Agree with what the others said above – you are already a writer. You write, you enjoy writing, you share your writing with the world.

However – it doesn’t sound like that’s your dream? It sounds like your dream may be to become a published writer? To make a name for yourself? To make a living for yourself from your writing?

First step – I think it might help you to get clear on what your dream is? What do you want to accomplish as a person and as a writer?

Second step – What are the steps you need to take to accomplish your dream? A high level list will do for a start – your list might be something like 1) Understand the publishing process 2) Pitch to a publisher 3) Publish book

And then drill down into each of your steps in the list – How to understand the process? Maybe subscribe to blogs that teach about writing a book? Maybe read a book to get more information about the process? Ask friends if they have any contacts in the publishing world?

As you go through your list, your list will grow longer, but you’ll gain clarity, and a sense of direction of where to go next.

I’ve never written or published a book, so I’m just talking about getting clarity in general. I hope this helps to get going on your dream?

Good Luck!!

Hello Kasun,
What you did was the exact first step I took a long time ago when I decided to stop watching news, and I agree – that was the best thing I did for my own sanity.

The next step I took was to start living in the moment, live for the joy of today, not for some far off unknown future that no one knows about – not even the people predicting the next big war.

I love this quote by Annie Dillard – “How you live your days, of course, is how you live your life.”

Thanks for the book recommendation Inky – I’m going to check it out too 🙂

Hello Brian – thank you for your detailed explanation. I apologize for jumping to conclusions too soon, and I did wonder about that even as I was writing my earlier response. It’s always sad when I hear that someone didn’t have a happy childhood, or at least escapes as a child when you could get lost in time. Instead you’re talking about your childhood as “hell every single day” – I can’t even imagine the emotional wounds from a time like that. I have to admire you for being able to live somewhat of a normal life now, trying to overcome a dependence on alcohol, and trying to make social connections – when I suggested things to do on your own, I didn’t really mean more video games alone, but things like visiting social places like bookshops or museums or even volunteering activities where you can make meaningful connections, rather than reaching out to “friends” who may or may not be supporting you. I’m happy to hear that you do enjoy social situations – that they’re not an escape from yourself, but something that you thrive on.

I agree though, the Cameron Frye revelation you had was a powerful one, and I think if you allow it, you could open yourself to seeing what that may come to mean in the next few weeks / months. Revelations seem to work that way for me – in spurts. You maybe onto something 🙂

Brian – I just responded to your other post in the Purpose section, and then found this one. I think what I said in the other section might help in this case too – you can slowly distance yourself from your hyper-sensitivity to the sounds and noises and activities around you by getting deeper into knowing more about your self. And I think that Cameron Frye revelation is the kind of thing that happens to set you off on your search for your Self. So I’m glad it made an impact on you – and that you didn’t ignore it.

Also – have you considered getting a real cat? Animals have a way of engaging us that makes us feel not-alone, someone to care for, and a warm presence when you need it.