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SaiishaParticipantHello Annie – the way I look at it, it’s not a question of worth, but the purpose of relationships. There is a reason why you draw certain relationships into your life – because there are lessons to learn – they could be lessons of trust, forgiveness, self-esteem, balance, respect, self-respect, etc. There are so many lessons that revolve around relationships that you simply cannot learn any other way. And by relationship, I mean any person-to-person relationship – spouses, siblings, friends, partners, colleagues.
As long as you haven’t learned your lessons, you’ll continue to attract the necessary relationships. Can’t run away from them, I’m afraid 🙂
I hope once you’re able to get out of the ughs and the funk, you’re able to open yourself up to what / who comes to you, and maybe look at your relationships a little differently. Good Luck!
Namaste, Saiisha
July 24, 2015 at 8:56 am in reply to: What to do when your friend 'steals' your lifelong dream…. #80375SaiishaParticipantHello freespiritwonder – I love Inky’s advice, and I’m adding my two cents here as well.
First of all, something’s wrong with this picture if you’re calling a person a best friend, but your friendship doesn’t sound like it. So maybe question that friendship in your own mind – what are you getting out of this friendship that makes you want to stay in it? I understand you love her, but you can have love in your heart but not necessarily bring in the toxicity. My advice would be to slowly start detaching from this person and see how that might improve your own thoughts and self-esteem. Start surrounding yourself with people who support you.
And to your second question about how to achieve your dream despite all those hurdles, I’d say start taking baby steps toward the vision that you have in your mind. There is power in that first step – action gives you momentum that you simply cannot get by envisioning alone. What one thing can you do today to take a step closer to your vision? Keep asking this question every morning, and take one small step everyday. Pretty soon, the path becomes clear, the obstacles start moving out of your way when you get to them, and you’ll be well on your way to living your dream!
I hope this helps.
Namaste, SaiishaSaiishaParticipantHi John – interesting question – I think we make ourselves our own worst enemies when we’re not following our inner voice. If we’re getting led by some one else’s priorities. I believe if we follow our joy, we cannot go wrong. If we follow fear, that’s when we get into self-sabotage.
Annie – So sorry to hear you felt this all your life! As I mentioned to John above, when you follow fear, instead of joy, you’re not leading your life at all, but someone else’s. As long as people can control you, they will – that’s how families operate, that’s how society survives. There’s no support for an individual, because that’s not useful for them. It is your responsibility to look out for yourself, to stand up for yourself, and to find and listen to your own inner voice. As long as you’re ignoring that voice, these situations will continue to come up, because your inner voice is trying to get heard. It wants you to pay attention. Once you start doing that, as you start honing in on your voice, your Self, your Soul, all the other voices will fall away.
I hope this helped. If you’d like to talk about this further, maybe start another thread (don’t want to hog John’s thread), or reach out to me – saiisha[at]rocketmail.com
Namaste, Saiisha
SaiishaParticipantHello Josephine,
Sorry to hear you’re feeling a little insecure / uncertain about who you are, and what you can offer the world. Chaitra is right – each of us is unique – we each have our own gifts and talents that we’re given. Our responsibility is to uncover those gifts, find our inner voice, and figure out our unique offerings.Start asking questions to prompt those thoughts in your mind such as, “what are the things that make me come alive?”, “what brings my soul joy?”, “what’s the one thing I’m super-good at doing?”, or “what are my superpowers?”
If you’re interested, a couple of options:
- I wrote an article for an online magazine that I’d love to send you the link to, but TinyBuddha forums don’t seem to allow links, so if you’re interested, do email me at saiisha[at]rocketmail.com
- I have an offering called “Discover Your Dharma and Live Your Life With Purpose”. If you’re interested, you should find it under “Work With Me” on my website. You’ll find the link to my website if you click on my Profile / picture.
Once you find your own voice, you won’t have to worry about rejection, or approval. You’ll attract the right people who you’re intended to help.
And I’d love to help you find your Purpose!
Namaste, SaiishaSaiishaParticipantGood Morning Nicky,
Your story spoke to me as I was in similar situations before. Some of the details you provided – that you went to Art School, that you’re a sensitive soul, that you feel insecure and uncertain about where you are, make me wonder if you’re an older soul, and maybe I could even venture to guess that you’re a Chrysalis soul.If you’re curious to find out more, do check out my free 3P Quiz on my website (the URL is on my profile if you click on my picture).
If you can see your life as a journey, this is the time in your life where you start noticing the cracks – the gaps between what your soul intended for your life, versus what the world (in your case, your company) says you must do / say / be. Your journey of your soul involves bridging that gap.
May you walk your path with Peace, Presence and Purpose!
Namaste, SaiishaSaiishaParticipantTo add to what Anita said so well, I’d like to recommend The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz (you should be able to find it on Amazon)
Two of the four agreements are: “Always do your best” and “Don’t take anything personally”
Such simple agreements really, but so profound! You did your best in sending that well-wishing text, but try not to take their reaction (or the lack of it) personally! Maybe they’re too sick, maybe their cellphone is dead, maybe they’re suffering in their own mind, maybe they’re jealous – if you notice, these are all their problems, not yours!
I hope this helps.
Namaste, SaiishaSaiishaParticipantAgree with Anita and Annie on how you can practice to be more compassionate by starting to look at right where you are.
As for Dilgo Rinpoche’s words, I can only guess, but here’s how I interpret them:
To develop detachment of emotions so that your compassion and empathy comes from the deepest, purest place possible (your inmost spirit), without being corrupted by outer feelings /emotions /reactions /thoughts.Let me know if that made any more meaning to you? 🙂
July 23, 2015 at 11:49 am in reply to: How to find the purpose of your life when you have none #80319SaiishaParticipantthefallenone,
Totally agree with Inky’s suggestion – ask yourself, “what makes me come alive?” “what makes my soul soar?” “what makes me joyful?” Following your joys is the easiest, most effective ways to figuring out your Soul’s Purpose!TinyBuddha forums don’t seem to like links, but if you look at my profile, the link to my website is on there – and one of the 3 things I talk about is Purpose (the other two are Peace and Presence). Do take a look to see if you see some of the articles / resources resonate with you, and help you on your path.
SaiishaParticipantHello Anita – how you interpreted my response is accurate in what I intended to mean. I’m happy that it makes sense to you this time around!
And Happizer – oh boy, where do I even begin? I had no idea what you meant when you mentioned “family abuse.” You are brave to be even talking about forgiveness! And yet, as always, it’s ourselves we forgive for who we were, it’s you who will benefit from forgiveness. But forgiveness doesn’t mean letting your sister walk over you. In fact, you can cut off your relationship and still forgive.
Anita is so right! Any gesture you make of making contact, writing a letter, showing understanding, sounds like a waste of time at this point. Your sister is simply not ready to receive your kindness. You don’t owe any explanations to anyone for your choices, as long as your intentions are true and authentic to your deepest soul.
You don’t have to make an “official” cut off, which would only add to the drama, but you can slowly start distancing yourself right away. Again, no need to explain anything to anyone. My advice would be to be to keep it low on the drama, so you can be gentle with yourself. Take extreme self-care of yourself first – because there’s no one else who will.
When you transform within yourself, the outer transformation will happen on its own. Maybe someday your sister will come to you on her own asking for your forgiveness 🙂
SaiishaParticipantDear Anita – I don’t mind that something annoys you – they’re your thoughts, your reactions, you’re welcome to be annoyed 🙂
I did read Happizer’s note and provided guidance according to my thoughts and reactions. Most, if not all, of our earthly connections are pacts or agreements made by our souls prior to taking on our births; especially our close blood relationships – to learn lessons, grow and evolve from these kinds of situations. Once we learn these lessons, the toxic energy dissolves on its own. If we try to cut off relationships too soon without doing the inner work first, the toxic energy continues to haunt us. That’s why I advised Happizer to make that decision with caution; and also provided recommendation on how to cut these ties that bind with the right intention.
Just my two cents.
Namaste!SaiishaParticipantMy heart goes out to you for being brought up in an abusive family! But there’s something in us that prompts us to be kind, even in difficult situations. However, if the other person doesn’t recognize your kindness, then is there any good in showing them kindness and forgiveness? Yes, there is – because it makes an impact on you! If you can continue to be kind without looking for an acknowledgment / approval / validation from the other person, then you’re making yourself free of the situations and people around you!
Here’s a good book that can help you clarify within yourself what you want out of this situation, and if cutting off ties is what you want to do, there are some powerful exercises to (virtually) cut off those ties. “Cutting the Ties that Bind”, by Phyllis Krystal. You should be able to find it on Amazon.
Much luck in your spiritual journey! Do let me know how you make out with the book and the exercises 🙂
Namaste, SaiishaSaiishaParticipantSo sorry to hear you’re feeling despondent. And why do bad things always seem to happen in 3’s? But I’ve noticed that good things come in threes too, so can’t complain 🙂
A couple of things that have helped me in the past when I felt melancholy about everything going against the grain:
1. Figure out what brings you joy and go after it.
If you find joy in reading or laughing, make time to read or watch funny videos. Just because you’re feeling despondent, don’t let go of the things that make you smile. These are the times you need to do more of those things that bring you joy!
2. Focus on someone else
Do one act of random kindness each day, with no expectation of returns – maybe buy a coffee for someone you see on the street with a sign that they’re hungry; or call a friend who’s going through their own tough times; or help an old woman with her garden. It doesn’t matter what you do, but when you do something for someone else, you lessen the focus on yourself and your problems, and in no time at all, you realize they’re gone or that you don’t worry about them any longer.I realize these are not solutions to your problems, but I promise you, your problems will feel lighter as you practice these, and you’ll find more meaning in your life. They may even lead to your true purpose.
Namaste, Saiisha
SaiishaParticipantGood for you Irene! You are brave to be able to overcome your deepest fears and anxieties. These broken places are where the light gets in and we become the strongest (~Hemingway). So don’t feel guilty – just be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. A year from now, you’ll see that you’re much nearer the person you’re meant to become. Good Luck!!
SaiishaParticipantHi Samuel,
I was in your place once, when life seemed overwhelming, and I felt like I had no prospects, stuck and helpless. Here’s something that’s helped me a lot over the years.1) I made a list of everything I find joy in, similar to what you did
2) I put together (on paper) a dream job for myself, if I had my way.
3) And then I tried to detail out the steps I’d need to take to create my dream job. The series of steps I need to bridge the gap between where I was to where I want to be
4) Each day, I’d take one step toward it. If the one step felt too big, I’d break it down into many small steps; if the small steps seemed too big, I’d break them down into tinier steps. The point is that it’s important to take that first step to create momentum, and then continue taking baby steps toward your goal. Each step is a positive move towards a better life. You can course-correct as you go, if you change your mind along the way.When you approach life with positivity, that energy builds up, giving more and more power to what you put your energy into. (And the opposite is true too – if you put energy into the fears and anxieties you have about feeling trapped, you’ll feel even more trapped.) So try to stop thinking about everything that’s wrong with your life, and start thinking about what you can do to make it feel right.
Make your journey beautiful! Make every day matter 🙂
SaiishaParticipantHi Irene,
My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. But it’s also a great positive move for you – it shows that you value yourself, that you have decided not to let someone else walk over you or disrespect who you are.A couple of suggestions:
1. Whenever you let go of something that took up so much space in your life before, the first thing that you’ll notice is a big void. If you don’t honor that space and treat it as sacred, it will get filled in very quickly! So be very watchful of what / who you allow into that void.2. Even though you’ve moved out, there will be a period of time, as you transition into creating a new life for yourself, that you might get pulled back into your old life. For example, your might feel guilty about some aspects of it, or angry about some other parts of it. If you want to head over into a new area of your life, I’d say don’t pour any more energy into the life you let go. Just Let It Go Completely!
3. Start pouring more energy into the kind of life you want to build for yourself – a life where you’ll honor yourself first, where you’ll give voice to your purpose, where you’ll start creating more peace and positive energy around you. Yes, that day will come – and very quickly too, if you’re open to it, and follow your instincts, as you’re doing right now!
Good Luck with your journey!!
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