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  • July 25, 2017 at 11:03 am #160116
    sage
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    Elliot,

    My heart goes out to you as that is an awful way for a relationship to end and really truly heartbreaking. I think that seeing her in person for closure and understanding would be nothing but healthy for you. Although, don’t try to expect an outcome. Expect her to explain herself and for you to explain yourself and talk in order to put a final end to everything, and don’t expect her to come back because if she doesn’t it will only hurt even more.

    I hope this helped, keep us updated! Much love.

    July 25, 2017 at 10:57 am #160114
    sage
    Participant

    Hi Britt!

    I think an important thing here is not to blame yourself or feel too bad for hurting him. It happened, you escaped a relationship with a lot of trust issues, and he was pretty controlling. One question you might need to ask yourself is “will being with him again make me truly happy? Will he bring me happiness?”

    One thing I tried in a relationship a while ago after a long break was a test run. We both decided to try having a relationship again for a few days and if we felt good about it and made each other happy, we would get back together if not or we felt like we needed more time we went our separate ways. I would highly recommend it, as a way for you to both to figure it out without completely committing.

    Regrets are one of the most painful things to deal with in life, so I know how heartbreaking this must be for you. Try to focus on your happiness and finding peace within yourself and accept the fact that if he is meant to be in your life again he will be.

    I hope this helped at least a little! Much love, Sage

    July 25, 2017 at 10:45 am #160110
    sage
    Participant

    Thank you all so much for your love and guidance and support. All of your words have helped me start to heal and move on and begin to find happiness again.

    ACE, I’m with you! It hurts so bad doesn’t it? Something that really helped me today was I “spoiled myself.” I bought myself something for the first time in months (almost all my money went towards gifts for my ex) and took a bath and watched a movie and just tried as hard as possible to forget it. I put all of his clothes and gifts and pictures of him away and out of sight and it really helped and I highly recommend you do the same. Another thing is I’ve set a two week period and told myself in two weeks I can text him, but I think by that point I’ll almost be 100% healed. I’m an extremely self conscious person but today I really tried to be confident and tell myself things like “I bet his new chick can’t rock jeans like this!” I’ve also found peace in meditation and journaling.

    Again this forum has really saved me from a lot of darkness and confusion and hurt, thank you all for your advice and insight it was all amazing.

    July 24, 2017 at 12:16 pm #159944
    sage
    Participant

    Yes I asked him myself if he was seeing someone else and he said yes. The entire time we were on the break he would vent and talk to me about all of his issues and hard things happening in his life and I listened and was there for him. But when I would tell him about my problems and self harm he said it didn’t mean anything and he’s had to deal with worse and my problems aren’t a big deal. I told him he was hurting me one day and all he said was “f**** you.” He repeatedly told me while on said break I needed to work out, even though I only weigh about 100 lbs. It was all so out of character of him he’s always been so loving and good to me.

    I also don’t understand why he can be with somebody else right now but can’t bring himself to be with the woman he promises to marry someday?

    It’s all so confusing and I need guidance and peace with what to do. Thank you so much.

    July 24, 2017 at 10:35 am #159926
    sage
    Participant

    This is completely personal but I think relationships do require sacrifices. Extreme jealousy is definitely not healthy, but maybe find a neutral space with your boyfriend. Say, “I’ll trade the partying with them for the occasional coffee hang outs and I’ll dedicate a weekly date night to you to make you feel special.” Something that will help find common ground that doesn’t require you not having fun and him being sick with jealousy.

    Just an opinion from experience. Best of luck!!

    Sage

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