Thank you so much for both replies.

Firstly I could not afford to keep training as a counselor if I gave up this job. The few people I have told, think I should stay doing it for the next 2 years so I can qualify and start a new life as a therapist. What they do not realize is I feel I am spiritually dying inside.
The guilt I feel doing this runs so deep, I think it stems from my father being violent and always feeling ‘bad’. Perhaps i have recreated that feeling ever since. When i was 17 I had a breakdown and ended up drug taking and getting into escorting. Rather than killing myself i hurt myself in every way possible, sleeping with men for money, being raped and used and drug taking. I can not believe that at the age of 30 I am linked in any way at all with the sex industry…after the way that haunted me for years.
I just want to feel grounded and normal, I have only one close friend as I have lost so many over the years and I just feel like giving up.
I still have a relationship with my mother and father which i don’t think does me any good. My mum has always brainwashed me into forgiving my dad, telling me i was a difficult child and making me believe that he did the best he could and i should be grateful.