Dear Nandita, Let me give a insight into your own thoughts. Let us take the example of technology. When you wish to buy some smartphone, your ego tortures you that you are doing this because you are copying others. You feel tortured by this and let down by this. In order to prove your ego wrong you choose not to buy. When you choose not to buy, still your mind tortures you that you remain left behind while others move forward.

The same situation,let us see how a +ve person will react to this. He sees his friends buying smartphones, He thinks “Oh I also want to buy a smartphone”,He chooses one and goes on with his decision to buy one. Dont you think it is okay to copy??.Everyone does it one way or another. If Nelson Mandela would not have copied Mahatma Gandhi how would he have eliminated Apartheid in Africa. So start changing your perspective of seeing things and see them in +ve light.

The worst part of perfectionism is that one way or the other it is going to torture you. There are two parts of this : 1.Your mind tortures you 2. You let yourself tortured by this.

To deal with such situations:

1. Do some positive mental self talking.
2. Think if you were a +ve person how would you deal with the same situation.
3. Start trying to see things in positive light.
4. When your ego tortures you, talk to it, support yourself and tell yourself why it is ok to buy a new technology.
5. Dont you think that a desperation for something ,when looked at +vely becomes ambition; A confusion gives us the power to analyse things objectively,A fear when channelized gives you courage . So realize that your -vities when looked at +vely become your +tivities. So everything in you is +ve one way or other way, so accept your -veties gracefully.
6. Realize that everything has a +ve as well as -ve side to it . So if you feel you are doing something wrong in one way, aren’t you doing it right another way.So realize that you are doing the right one way or the other. So just identify what you wish to do , and just go for it.

Dear Nandita..Your story seems to be same as of mine.. Though outcomes were little different. I realized that something was wrong in my mind and I chose to improve it and believe me I have improved a lot. Let me suggest you some simple solutions to let go of your perfectionist attitude:

1. First of all, Join some mindfullness meditation or any meditation centre. Though I have never joined one and have learnt from online videos.

2. When you go to bed, feed yourself with positive thoughts , visualize yourself the way you want to see yourself and your life. Visualize that you are the way you want to see yourself in the present moment. Your mind may harass you,torture you , make you feel guilty or a liar. just let it be and keep thinking positive.Slowly you will start believin in them.

3. Engage yourself in creative works. Believe me this is the best way of restoring your confidence.

4. Try to focus on the silence of your mind whenever you get time.

5. I would recommend you to read ‘The Power of now’ by Eckhart Tolle.

6. See the beauty within and in your surroundings.

7. When your mind invalidates your actions , try to find the positives in your actions and realize that there is a reason and purpose for what you are doing.

8. Make yourself realize that it is perfect to be ‘imperfect’. Enjoy your imperfections.

9. Focus on and Enjoy your positivities and they will increase.

10. Accept and enjoy your negative thoughts and your negative feelings with full grace and they will vanish.