Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
rishaParticipantHi Anita,
Yes it is the same culture in srilanka too. By the way where are u from?
Yes no matter what he did I am still unable to take him out of my mind. I feel there’s some stubbornness in me which is holding me back to move on. I still enjoy living in that fairy tale world I guess but that will never help me to move on.
Let me think this way. No matter what he did to me the end result is that there were plenty of negative things for us if we are together. so considering the negatives I think sometimes it happened for a good reason so eventhough its hard I need to make up my mind. sometimes I am able to make up my mind but sometimes I start getting sad and depressed. its like a mood swing.
rishaParticipantHi Michelle,
Yes your story is similar to mine too. I sacrificed my time for him coz 7 years is not a small period. If he wasn’t there in my life I would have been settled by now. But he left me in a very bad situation so at 39 I sit here and wonder what to do in life. though his parents came up with the age issue he always told me my age doesn’t matter to him coz he loves me too much. Yes I agree with your statement – ‘Genuine love may have been present but respect wasn’t’.
Yes his new so called girl is not his type and I cannot imagine he wants her to be his life partner. By the way she is a Christian and he is a Buddhist. what he told me was ‘All of you will be shocked to see whom I’ve choosed but my family doesn’t care anything as long as she’s younger to me. They don’t care about her religion, her wealth, her looks or anything what only matters is her age so now that I’ve found their requirement I will go ahead to please them, in case someday if something happens to me all of them are responsible. that day I will remind my family that I’m going thru this bcoz I have done wrong to this girl who loved me so much and coz I left her. So he kind of showed me that he’s purely doing this for his parents. But what I am worried is he found this girl had connections with her and introduced to them. So he should have some liking towards her to even consider right so why all this big drama. this girl is 28 and a well qualified professional unlike me. I feel he can do good in life and his life will be sorted with this girl coz he’s not very stable in life yet. So most probably that also would have been his reason to move out for his own benefits.
He didn’t want to take the risk with me coz if he comes to me. he has to leave his family, we both have to leave our jobs coz we work together, then he’s not very stable in life as me, the age gap…all this would effect our future so he said Good bye to me.
I am glad that you have moved on Michelle and its so sad to learn as how you ex is treating his wife. It shows that he’s not comfortable with her to share any details of her.
I cant imagine how could people fake their marriage and life. Even my ex told me the only justice he can do for me is that he would love only me forever. But I don’t believe those. When they find a new person and when they live together obviously everything will change and will definitely have a deeper connection with her.
Anyways I’m still trying to get over this mess coz I’m suffering each and every moment. No matter what I still love him and I do miss him.
Risha
rishaParticipantHi Anita yes sometimes I blame myself for letting me drag into this situation. I could have let go of him the day his mother called but he never wanted to leave me he said will try to work out things but I never knew he would do something like this when his time came. I was with him coz I truly loved him and was blind with his love and attention till the day we broke off.
By the way Anita I’m not from India. I am from SriLanka.
rishaParticipantAttemt some justice for myself ? I know he has moved on. But by posting his day to day happenings doesnt his consiiousness question him as how i would feel.
He himself accepted that its unfair for me and he himself told me that he couldnt do any justice for me….sorry for everything and to forgive him. He knows im hurt and he has done wrong but he cannot help me for me to move on.
This is how he wrapped up our 7 years relashionship. So i have to deal everything by myself.
So i dont think i can gain any justice from his side. I have a beautiful family they have been so supportive to me. I have to do my best to be strong to get out of this.
rishaParticipantYes Anita I do feel that he’s hurting me or else he simply don’t care just doing his own stuff.
But what were you trying to say? Isn’t that what you think?
rishaParticipantYes Anita it is hurting. I have deactivated all my social networks for the last two weeks however today i checked his profile thru one of my friends account and since all his posts are public i saw a latest post done yesterday captioned as weekend trip with friends he has uploaded few pics alone though the caption says ‘Friends’ only he was posing. I know who his friends are and non of them were tagged. So friends meaning should be this new girl. He looks happy and enjoying. I was so shocked to see his behaviour its fine he left me and hurt me but on top of that he had to post these things? If he really cared for me how could he still keep hurting me. Our official breakup was last monday and on saturday he is enjoying a trip with his so-called secret friends. Cant imagine i was in love with a such person. All my siblings are on his profile didnt he realize how they would feel.
Right now my mind is blank. I know hes gone forever but the way he ended uo things and the way hes hurting me is unbelievable
rishaParticipantThanks Anita, but again I’m feeling so down. how can a person who loved me so much change his mind so quickly. How can he love someone else so quickly how can he change his feelings towards someone else so quickly. i can never do that Anita it will take a long time for me to forget him. No matter what he did to me it will take a very long time. I can never chat like or love someone so quickly.
he was the one who gave me so much hopes and he built up so much trust. I cant imagine that he’s loving someone else. how much i tried to push him away but he dragged me so far and so long and left me with no clue. Can someone do this to someone who loves so much.
Sometimes I have mix feelings. I myself fool myself thinking he cannot love anyone else no matter what he still loves and thinks of me. Sometimes I blame myself and think he did this to me bcoz of this reason. Sometimes I hate me, sometimes iI hate him, sometimes I feel sorry for him. but I’m also so sad about myself as why I am still feeling this way towards this guy. what has he done to me.
Day by day I have become weak mentally and physically. I have lost so much weight for the last one week. I seriously look awful now. I want myself back this is not me I was never this way. I cant imagine I’m experiencing this in my late thirties.
No matter how many people are around i feel so lonely lost. Sometimes i want to go somewhere far away and shut myself.
rishaParticipantHi Michelle,
I was so sad to hear your story – ‘I never meant anything to him at all, that we weren’t even seeing each other’ This kind of statement is quite harsh and i can imagine how you felt that time. Men are so selfish. They first gain the trust andonce you trust them blindly they react totally the opposite way without giving us a clue.
I hope you have recovered by now. You do deserve much better.
Yes I am not sending that email – after going thru the responses that I received from you and Anita, I really thought about it and yes I agree with you both. Your words and kind advises really did help me.
Thank you Michelle its so kind of you to suggest the online Friend thing and of course I would love to coz how can I miss any chance to not have any contacts with such wonderful people like You and Anita.
Hope to hear from you on same,
Risha
rishaParticipantHi Anita
Yes thanks for your great advise regarding the email. Yes you’re correct. I decided not to send the email. Eventhough I was feeling good yesterday I still cant come into of making up my mind. I know it will take some time to heal and I am finding it difficult to get through the days. This is so true – ‘he cares about choosing what is convenient to him and what is convenient to him is to not think about how you feel’ – So me expressing all my emotions wouldn’t matter to him anyway.
I am so glad I found this forum and got in touch with you, Thank you very much for your great advises. Actually its so nice to know that good people do exist in this world after the betrayal that i received from the most trustable person in this world..
Thank you so much Anita I am trying my best to and please do het out of this situation and you have been a great strength to me.
Risha
rishaParticipantHi Anita, Yes that what I am sad of its not a proposal which came from his parents. This is a person who he was been chatting while I was abroad during April. and he decided that she is his life partner just in 4-5 months. Anyways today I was feeling very bad as I cried so many times then in the evening something stuck me and I thought I will write a email to him with all my feelings as how he made me feel and how he betrayed. I wrote a lengthy email and it was time to leave office so I didn’t want to send it coz he wouldn’t be able read today anyways instead I sent the email to myself thinking I will fwd it to him after the weekend.
And Anita after typing that email I felt so good and I felt a big relief as I have put all my emotions into that. I came home n I feel normal and i even had my meals properly coz all these days i have been starving.
however now though i feel good about the email I’m still trying to figure out if i am to send it or not. what do think about it? any thougghts? sometimes i feel by sending the email he will feel have no value of me. If be quiet that’s where he will think of me someday. So i was wondering if its worth to send coz he has already deceided so my email will not make any changes and why should i have to make him bad or blame him. He himself will realize it one day.
And I’m so sad to hear about your story and i understand how you feel. I hope i haven’t disturbed you by dragging you to your past.
By the way how old are u Anita and what about your family – I don’t know if I’m right or wrong to keep asking your personal details but you have been so nice to me and i would like to know u for some extent coz you have helped me a lot with your kind advice and kind words. I really appreciate it.
rishaParticipantHi Again,
Yes he wouldn’t have said Good bye to me coz he was full of guilt. Though he pretended it was a proposal from home he never thought I would find out that this is a girl whom he got to know by himself and has been associating with her while I was with him. He introduced her to his parents checked their Horoscopes it matched. once everything is finalized that’s where he decided to tell me and told me its a proposal from home. I have no choice to do it. I still love you but I’m doing this to my parents. How could he back stab me after 7 years.
if it was genuinely a proposal from his home I would have let go and I woont be suffering so much. or else he could have told me about this girl earlier. He just blind fooled me. He knows my age he knows my plight he knows how difficult it is for me to move on with someone else but still he didn’t care.
Also Anita its so difficult for me to delete all his memories..messages, emails etc. I feel so sad to do it. This is a person whom I loved so much and I’m finding difficult to say Goodbye to all of his memories.
I cant help myself crying everyday the times that I cry is countless I’m unable to work I keep tearing every single moment and I run to the wash room and burst out all my tears. How long can I do this to myself. Everytime I try to make up my mind its so difficult.
Also what I’ve learnt from life is to give priority to myself coz I always sacrificed loads of things to the people I care. My siblings are very supportive in my situation and keeps in touch with me. However I feel no matter what…they have their own priorities in life before me. So the day I lose my mother I know I will be lonely in this world.. She’s there for me now and she’s my strength.
I have really become close to my GOD coz right now hes the only person I could talk to. if I was a Buddhist or Christian I feel I would have been a nun and I don’t find anything interesting in this world. but unfortunately I cannot do that in my religion.
I don’t know how my future would hold. I’m quite stable but I went through lot of obstacles in life to gain my stability even in the past.
its sad to hear about your story ‘I wasted not only my thirties but much of my twenties before that and my forties’ I really don’t know what u had to go through in life and if you wish you can share it with me.
rishaParticipantAnita, Hi again,
The other thing that hurts me is that – the last day when we met (the day I went to see him for the last time) we were in the same cab and he got off before me. other days before he gets down he gives me a kiss on my forehead or cheeks. but that particular day he didn’t so I asked him if I can kiss him on his cheek or forehead but he got disturbed and said no no and got off and walked out.
He knew in his heart that it would be our last meet though he pretended me that he would try to sort out something with his parents. However he was so rude and walked out as if I never mattered to him at any cost. at least he could have given me a goodbye kiss to console me. Maybe He didn’t let me even kiss him bcoz he didn’t want me to have any hopes.
but that last incident hurts me a lot. when I think the way he walked out its so heart breaking, As if I never mattered to him at all. That pic flashes into my face all the time. please tell me how to get away with it.
rishaParticipantI really don’t know Anita I feel so weak mentally and physically, I was just wondering what have I been doing for so long, my entire 30’s were wasted with him. I got to know him when I was 31 our relashionship started when I was 32 and I was entirely committed to him and I was totally blind as how time passed and what ive missed.
I sometimes feel I want to consult a phycology I want to get out of this mess coz I feel I cant eat drink or sleep or concentrate on anything. my iblings have been supportive to me with regard to this matter they talk to me console me but nothing matters I’m still finding difficult to move on. I just want to go somewhere far away and do nothing. I wish if this world come to an end I feel I don’t belong to this world.
a person who treated me so good have made me feel unwanted today. how can he move on with someone by giving so much pain to me. how can someone else be so important to him more than me.
what I did was a sacrifice to him and his family but finally this what I get all the hurt and sufferings. he could have handled this in a different way
rishaParticipantHi Anita
I did try what u told but unfortunately it didn’t work 🙁 I mean I imagined my favourite movie star but I felt nothing imagined a good friend again its blank. My only wish is him – My ex. its so sad that I have to address him as my ex now. I just feel that nothing makes me happy. and to be honest Anita I love music and these days I don’t listen to any kind of music. whenever I hear a song I get into a sad mood. I try my best to avoid listening.
I really dunno how am I gonna get out of this mess and so sad that he left me with so much pain and pretends as if I never existed in his life
rishaParticipantHi Anita,
I really don’t know what to do. when it comes to marriage I feel I have totally given up coz I loved him so much and I find it difficult to imagine my life with someone else. it might take a long time for me to heal. But with my age I don’t think I have time to waste or to look for a good match.
So I just feel to remain this way but I know if am to be single I cannot live in my country coz the preassure that I get from my family, relations, friends will drive me crazy. As everyone’s question would be as when I am getting married.
I will look for options to move out totally to a different place where there’s nobody that I know. but before that I have to make some arrangements to my mom. Since only myself and my mom is living here I can send her to one of my siblings and proceed wherever I have to go and once I am settled I can always take her back to me.
Actually my family is very supportive and I can always go and live with them and they are ready to expect me. But hey have their own lives and I don’t want to be a burden to anyone coz I was always a independent person.
I really appreciate you kindness for communicating with me and been there for me. your words and advise really helped me a lot Anita.
I will keep you posted for any updates and how I feel. U take care. Loads of Love.
Risha
-
AuthorPosts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 