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samy

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Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 165 total)
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  • February 17, 2022 at 8:06 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #392982
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Hope you have a good night’s rest too!

    Girija

    February 17, 2022 at 9:09 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392937
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I think deciding that I need to change and atleast seek out to LIVE my life has made me smiley atleast on this forum. And I have a tendency to find my own jokes hilarious 🙂

    I have to set up rules for myself to not overwork. I was doing fine during the day but couldn’t resist at night. Tomorrow, the shamelessness shall last till night!

    Girija

    February 17, 2022 at 6:54 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392907
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Of course, with loads of patience is the tagline of the movie 🙂

    Good morning!

    Girija

    February 16, 2022 at 7:51 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #392888
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I will let you know how it goes 🙂 Fun and shameless will be the name of the movie 🙂 Good night!

    Girija

    February 16, 2022 at 7:41 pm in reply to: Regretting a missed career opportunity abroad #392884
    samy
    Participant

    Hi Dandan

    I’m from Bangalore too :). I think you should delete all your social media. And the urge you have to leave the country is actually strong. You are scared of what it might turn into abroad, but remember you can always come back. Even 2-3 years away will be a great experience for you. You seem to already have skills to crack interviews.

    You are not ready for relationships. I think your life has been too serious, so serious relationships feel heavy. You probably have a fear of missing out and that is why you keep stalking your ex. But in your first post you actually wanted to live by choice with freedom. Why don’t you decide you will go for a year only first and do it. The problem with discussing with everyone is most people benefit from you staying here. You going away reaps no benefits for your friends. We were all new at some place at some time. In fact, since you said you are sensitive, some space from all the present drama would do you great.

    Focus on yourself. I am scared of being single too. But I feel like you need to be ready to be in a relationship and not just afraid of being too old. I have the exact same fears.  You are so down now, I don’t think a relationship will bring you up. You need a fresh environment. It may sound silly but I am planning on moving to Hyderabad for this reason. It may not seem like a real move to you but for me it is a big deal :). I think you should do it. I know you said “35, then 40 and then I’ll die”. That won’t change anyways. Why tie yourself down already when you are ready to explore the world. Fear is normal. Even I have insane fears about moving to Hyderabad and I am Telugu :). But we can do it. And you are not too old if you are ready to look outside arranged marriage. For men even 35 is ok.

    February 16, 2022 at 9:54 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392830
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    being treated with love energizes and expands a person; being treated without love depletes and shrinks a person. – yes!

    often when people insult us by calling us shameless, it is because they believe that fear should control us, either because they themselves want to control us, or because they believe that if we are afraid, we’ll be better protected. this has been the backbone of my culture itself. We’re so afraid of being shunned by society and that others know best, as though anyone could truly prescribe a set of actions that guarantees your happiness. A big reason for me hesitating to find love on my own has been the fear that maybe the elders are right. When I know they are miserable themselves.

    A dog that barks from time to time and shows its teeth to let you know it can bite at any time if you cross it is better protected. I’ll channel that.

    So shamelessness it is. Tomorrow marks the first day of shameless Girija. I’ll be blatantly shameless. Will report back on how it goes. No extra effort. No double checking. No thinking for others. No worrying if I am doing everything I am expected to do. I will do as I am told. Bare minimum Girija.

    Sounds silly but fun 🙂

    Girija

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by samy.
    February 16, 2022 at 8:42 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392827
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    My thanking you was for just that moment when you expressed bravery, as it did make me feel good! – I am glad it made you feel good 🙂

    health is (as the song says) to love and be loved in return. – this is so true. It’s very evident in kids when they are treated well. Their energy is just different. I’d imagine it’s the same for us.

    I do need to be brave against my fear. I think I need to become shameless. It is used as an insult. But, that would be the temporary substitute when I lack actual bravery to rationalize and justify  putting myself first.

    Notice this: your fear survived all the work that you put in for the company. This is so incredibly profound. Thank you for this. Fear cannot be placated. It just gets its way and fades into the background but will always come forth. Like it wants to ensure it still controls my mind. I will have to employ all the tools and practices we’ve discussed here – breathing, stretching, asking questions.

    You were depleted by all the work you did… but your fear was not depleted. No reason to think that more extra work will take that fear away! I think I need to become shameless first, and that will help me become fearless. There are people in my extended family that are so unafraid of consequences. I will let go of consequences for once. Or rather trying to predict what they would be and fearing them.

    Girija

    February 16, 2022 at 8:06 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392823
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Don’t thank me yet. I hope to actually achieve that goal to test my bravery. There is some uncomfortable things I want to resolve to move forward towards the goal.

    Would it be ok to do the bare minimum in some cases. I am talking about work. Since, I have set a deadline, I will need to allocate more time to preparing for interviews and we are not paid by hours. I know what I am getting paid for, but there are no hard and fast rules on who does what work. I am expected to delegate to juniors but in trying to not do what my seniors did to me, I tend to be extra helpful and give away my time. And I have been given a new project and I don’t want to stress over the details too much. I feel like I gave away a lot of my time and energy to this company until now so it is ok for me to lower it in terms of priority and put myself first which I haven’t done in those years. It is not in my nature to completely slack off or be clueless about a project but I now want to reduce the extra work I did which was always taken for granted. It may seem odd that I’ve typed so much out for this, but as you know I have a fear of being treated as incompetent and also being disliked by people, and it is likely that they are stopping me from making this decision. So I wanted to run it by you. Does it make sense to deprioritize work? There is nothing set in stone on what overperforming or underperforming looks like. I will do as I am told to do. All these years I felt small when someone had to ask me to do something. I want to embrace that. Does that make sense?

    This would give me time and help me shift my energy away from work. Focussing on work depleted me of so much. I want to take some of it back. And I am ready to reframe if it feels like this will have negative consequences. But for now, this is what I want to do. It is too many things to worry about otherwise.

    Health and love is what I want to focus on.

    Girija

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by samy.
    • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by samy.
    February 16, 2022 at 6:21 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392818
    samy
    Participant

    Thanks, anita.

    February 15, 2022 at 9:41 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #392813
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    You are right. Fear is normal. I need to get comfortable with it. There are so many things coming up, now that I have set a goal for myself. I wish this was easy. I definitely want to feel a sense of victory and not feel like I settled out for fear.

    Good night!

    Girija

    February 15, 2022 at 9:03 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #392810
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I need to form the intent to love myself. I guess what happens is every once in a while I read or hear someone say “the good ones will be gone” in terms of men, and it triggers this spiral.

    You are right, I’ve never had a boyfriend, but just being told on several occasions that I am not good looking has put my hopes down. I am bringing them back up now.

    This time, the expectations are mine so I don’t feel the way I did many years ago.

    I am so scared. I am about to throw my life into a washing machine. So scared! I am oscillating between fear of failure and delusion of how amazing it will be when I meet my guy. I need to balance this out. I mainly plan on having fun by myself and dating in between instead of solely focusing on the latter so as to not pin my happiness on just finding a guy. I need to be realistic and enjoy my life at that moment.

    I know Yoda is from Star Wars but haven’t watched it.

    Girija

    February 15, 2022 at 8:41 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392787
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    There is a message above this one I wrote to you and I’ve thought about it before you could reply. I am being unusually brave but I believe I can follow through because I have maintained my schedule in terms of diet and exercise.

    I am going to move out of my parents’ home and move to a new city where I will try dating. I am giving myself some time to prepare for a job and work some more on my appearance. My birthday is in June. That’s the target. I am going to go for it. I’ll take rejection if it happens, but I want to try and not regret it. I don’t like this sulky version of myself. So I am going to be positive and just have fun with it.

    Girija

    February 14, 2022 at 9:22 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #392765
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    Ok. I stand corrected.

    I am not expecting you to say something that will immediately help me drop the disgust and fall in love with myself. That would be wrong of me.

    As for what I can say to myself. I don’t know, I am more than fine with myself in a vacuum. It is when I think about guys that there is this rejection. Otherwise, I do respect myself. For me it feels like I am being realistic with my assessment when I think about finding love.

    Girija

    February 14, 2022 at 7:19 pm in reply to: I want to be normal #392763
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    I understand taking a break or preventing unneccesary pain. But I don’t know what that is in my life.

    Correct me if I am wrong. But since I feel rejected by most people in my life now, I think I’ll be rejected in the future? Hurt works too in place of reject. Isn’t that just going off of life experience though? Like when I touched fire, it hurt. So, if I touch fire again, it will hurt again?

    Girija

    February 14, 2022 at 11:25 am in reply to: I want to be normal #392744
    samy
    Participant

    Hi anita

    The part about not negotiating and walking away requires that you first believe that’s an option. I was opining that perhaps when you see life as only pain, you’ll settle for familiar pain and not consider that there might be a future that is painfree. I would love to know why you think we are fearful of something that has already happened.

    And I would absolutely walk away from pain that I can walk away from. Things like illnesses though had convinced me in the past that life itself is pain. Pain you can’t run away from.

    Girija

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by samy.
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