Hi Pearce,

Thanks for your response. I met him In February of last year. We got really close, really fast. We became official in July, so just about a year. We had issues in the beginning because I can’t do casual stuff, and he told me he only wanted casual for a long time. I had a talk with him in May, we parted ways for s week and that is when he slept with his ex. After that we started talking again and I thought it was worth it to go with the flow and be casual and take a chance. I’m glad I did.

We have been planning on moving in together next summer after i have graduated and found a job. We have looked at rings and we talk about our future all the time. We talk about what our wedding will be like and what we’ll name our kids if we have them. Despite all of the things I have been through with him, even the lies, I still want him to be my life partner. I forgive him. He meant nothing malicious of them. He just wanted everyone to be happy, and the least amount of hurt. He calculated wrong, and thats okay. He makes the worst days better, and the most boring tasks fun without even doing anything.

I have had talks with him the last two days. I was hysterical both times and completely unsure of why I was upset. He told me he was annoyed that I didnt know what was wrong, but he said He was sure it was over his ex. He was right. I spoke to my best friend and my mother about it today. They both agree that I have lost trust in him in this aspect due to the situations with his ex and that he still talks to her every few weeks. After the talks my anxiety has calmed diwn significantly, so It has helped and i think I really found the problem. Especially because I was doing OK, and then saw a text from her. I talked to him about it and since then I have been very upset. She has moved across the country but I don’t care, it still hurts. I told him it was ok and I wanted them to be friends because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or have him be upset with me, but I have been lying to myself and I am part of the issue this has gone so far. I told him yesterday that I wanted some space to figure things out and focus on my summer classes because i have papers due this weekend. We usually see eachother almost everyday because we only live one mile away. He agreed to the space and that I will see him Monday. We haven’t been apart this long since that previous issue from last year. I went outside about an hour ago and he left me flowers and my favorite chocolate. I cried because it made me realize how much I love him and how stupid I am for thinking of leaving.

I have decided I will have a talk with him again, and tell him I want him to have zero contact with her and that I have lost some trust in him when it comes to this. Everyone knows you cannot be friends with an ex. Especially one you were in an abusive relatio ship with for 3 years. If he cannot do it or does not stick to it I am going to leave, because I can’t heal with that in my relationship. Plus, he is an ESTJ and they have a very hard time cutting people off. However, he really loves me and I do believe he will cut her off for the sake of our relatio ship. I believe we can work through this. I have too much faith in the relationship and too much love for him to leave. I believe we will get through this and be much stronger in the end.

I will keep you posted on how our conversation goes in a few days.

Ray