ear Anita

Lately i been thinking am I in narcissistic relationship? Am I shitty crazy narcissistic person or is it him? Seriously now I am questioning my sanity.

I made comparison list me vs him based on these narcissistic red flags

CHEAT/FLIRTING/LIE

Me :

I never cheat or lie or flirting. I don’t even attempt to get new male friend. My exes betrayed me, I know how damaging betrayal is, so I never think of cheat on my bf. I stay loyal and honest

Him :

Like I said before, my friend stalked his social media account and found his photo with another girl (very closed, holding his hand like a couple). He denied, ” she’s only my new friend, she asked me to take a selfie. That’s when we away” (refers to 2 months ghosting)

I asked “seem she’s very closed to you, she hold your hand? ”

“Maybe it’s just her style”, he replied

We celebrated 2017 new years eve together, that’s why I still remember on January 2017 we were OK, but I found that selfie photo took on 11 January 2017, and we were not away (broke up) that time. It means he lied, didn’t he?

ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED

When he ghosted me, and I initiated contact (always me after he ghosted), he act like nothing happened, always like that.

LOVE BOMBING THEN TURNED TABLE

As new couple, he often share our date pictures on his social media make, said something sweet “good morning love.. ” me feel loved and quite flattering. He said “how lucky men you had crushed on”. But after a year, he totally changed, not loving as he used to.

TAKE ME FOR GRANTED

I often feel he takes me for granted, example :

He mocked me in front of my friends by saying I am stupid

He rarely appreciate what I did. I help him selling unused stuff in flea market, but he didn’t thanked at all.

He always always mocking me if I said wrong  vocabularies in english, wrong pronunciation whatsoever . FYI I live in south east asia, here I don’t speak english in daily basis. One day I get really mad and said “oh please, even my foreign sister bf can understand my english, why you can’t and always mocking me ?”

“Oh honey, it’s just joking, you’re too sensitive today” he replied

If it’s just joking, why he did it every time?

SILENT TREATMENT

When he get mad he do me silent treatment. I admit I ever did it too, because I think I need space to think and analyze. Is it wrong?

Once a time, we were in vacay, I was coldfever and sore throat, I couldn’t speak (literally! My throat was so swollen, pain when talk) but he mocked me by mimicking my weird painful voice. I got angry, so I just remained silence (because of pain and angry). He suddenly became angry too, and ignored me then busy playing online games. Tomorrow morning I feel better, so I went out alone to catch sunrise in front of our hotel room . I didn’t dare to wake him up because yesterday we were exhausted (we went to island hopping, snorkel, etc). After sun arised I called and text him, “honey are you wake up?” He didn’t respond so I back to hotel room. He got moody (I noticed changes in his facial expression ) then he remained me silent. That vacay turned into weird moment.

One of our trait is when one of us get moody, other will get moody too, vice versa.

Now I am questioning my sanity because he said I am TOO SENSITIVE, SELFISH, always ACTING SUSPICIOUS , HAVE UNBELIEVABLE NEGATIVE MIND? He literally said that

Update :

I noticed in his social media that he just had new female friends. I am wondering he seems doesn’t feel pain or grieve after breakup (it’s just 1 week!). I think normal people will grieve after breakup?

Dear anita

I admit that I didn’t think about it. Is that so wrong?

Dear Regi

I agree, this attachment is not healthy for me. I been thinking am i in narcissistic relationship? Is it or is it him?

I tried to reach him out but it’s been a day he doesn’t respond. I don’t believe people don’t check their phones 24 hours. It’s so confusing because when I withdraw and want to leave, he don’t want to me to leave , but now he is ignoring me. I just don’t understand. What’s is all about? Help me