I am not a relationship expert (far from it), but your story is a little like mine, so I’d like to share my thoughts.
I’m not an extrovert myself. I love being on my own, working by myself etc. However for many years I had a sales job, so I’ve learned to flick a switch inside my head and be bright and bubbly, like I had to be if I wanted to make the sale! But when I do this it makes me super tired, it’s like I only have a certain amount of social energy and I’m burning it faster to be extra friendly.

My husband has precisely one tenth of the social energy I do. He makes *me* look like an attention seeker. When we first met, he was quite chatty, interested in what I had to say and so on. But as months passed I noticed that it was always me making conversation. I can guess what he would love for Christmas… but two weeks into December he always asks me to update my Amazon wish list because he’s going to buy something from there and not surprise me at all.
Was our relationship doomed from the start? No way! It took me years to realise it, but when he was being talkative and really involved and interested in me, he’d been burning up his social energy twice as fast – because he realised he wanted to keep me. No-one can keep that up forever, eventually you have to let your guard down and be yourself.

What I’m getting at is, judge the man by his actions because he’s not always good at getting out words. He’s quiet and distracted, yes – but out of 7.2 billion people on this planet, he chooses to spend time with you and no-one’s forcing him to. Time is the most precious thing we can share, and sharing his time with you is a greater compliment in his eyes than a three hour conversation or going to a club.

Do briefly consider also that very quiet, high-achieving people can sometimes be hiding Autism Spectrum Disorder, even if they don’t know they have it. I don’t know your boyfriend and I’m not a psychiatrist, but just consider the possibility because it is interesting. Contrary to popular misconceptions of ASD many people are never diagnosed and lead very normal lives. They are often highly intelligent, loyal and loving people. But sometimes you might find they’ve stopped listening to you and are engrossed in something else. In school you might think someone who did this was badly behaved, or in a relationship you might think he’s not into you any more. Neither is true; this person just has a different way of looking at the world than you do. And just as he has to pull himself into your world sometimes, you must learn to exist in his occasionally too.

Now this doesn’t mean you have to change who you are if you want to stay with him. You’ll need to put your foot down gently sometimes too. Your man needs to be aware that it’s good to be dragged out of his shell sometimes. You just need to show him without making him feel uncomfortable – not least because he’s not done this before. Going out for dinner with friends is usually a safe bet, because he’s being social just by being in the room, and you can be the talkative one! If something like that helps you find your rhythm as a couple, so much the better. Relationships are like a dance. The two partners dress differently and do different moves, but no-one turns up to a show to watch one person dance on their own. The beauty is watching them together.

Good luck 🙂