Thank you all for your replies. I am trying to relax more and take it day by day, but this past weekend and issues with my ex have stirred up a lot of anxiety in me. Luckily seeing therapist tonight.

Marliv- Thank you so much for your kindness and inspiration!
I honestly prefer to be by myself, so that’s why I think I was hurt and am sadly letting this get to me. I don’t let many in to my life, because I like doing my own thing and am figuring myself out. So to let someone in, (someone who i typically would not be friends with, but due to work), and having something so specific to hurt me I am recoiling to all contacts.
I can not wait to move, I am planning to change my phone number and be off the grid for awhile and recenter myself.
In regards to love and my ex, thank you Matty for the question of where do I see myself in 5-10 years in regards to him… I don’t see things changing, nor think I want to ride passenger with him. It’s just he is the one person in my life that I have gotten very close with and feel understood by, which can be good, yet, can enable the bad. My ex never harmed me physically, it was rather just frustration built up over the years due to his lack of motivation (imagine the sad burn out stereotype, for internet purposes), different interests, and distance of living. We also express love differently, maybe different languages on that. I just felt my needs weren’t being met and each time we broke up, the same issues would arise- him not seeing anything wrong. I just have developed a bad habit of going back to him when I experience a major emotional/life matter. I have lost friends over keeping the relationship, as well as my parents being disappointed and thinking I need more self respect than being with someone like him. Yes, by definition he is lacking ambition, lazy and aloof- but when it’s just us he is understanding and gentle- first male to do so in my life.
And Kat, in regards to people being funny with expressing their needs, especially with relationships definitely have truth to that…. which brings me to how do you know when is right? Being vulnerable is scary, isn’t it :/ I don’t want to say it’s a flaw, but I tend to live by my emotions/heart and see the good in all people– this can be good, but also makes me ignore warning signs and also give in to things that I’m sure others would turn away from.

All in all, thank you wonderful people for taking the time to give me some great insight and advice. I’m trying to figure this life out, one day at a time 🙂

Hi Anita,
Thanks for the reply.
In regards to the “friend”, a few months ago we hung out after work and I did open up slightly that I am going through a phase of deciding who to spend my time with, didn’t necessarily declare that I have no friends though. I have been very kind to her, listening to her issues and giving advice when asked- very supportive. The night we went out this weekend, men were approaching me a lot and I flirting with them. She too was talking to a guy, and I figured she was independent/confident enough that if I walked away to talk to someone she would be fine. Came back to find her crying at bar first saying to me “you’re prettier than me” and then left the bar crying outside. That’s when she said she was going home in which I said directly why are you acting like this? I’m not going to deal with this- after she said no wonder you don’t have friends and now I see how you are, or something like that- which I felt was an attack on my sexuality.
We work directly next to on another, and today she was trying to open up to me about her personal life/dating- I was friendly, but I want to keep my distance a bit…. But again, I do understand people say things they don’t mean when they are drunk, yet again, there usually is truth to that. And since it is so soon in the friendship that she would say something hurtful, I can see that happening again and her being insecure around me.