Dear vincenzz2:

First, you are not a cruel person. You were confused about your feelings. However, every choice you make has a consequence.

I think for you, this has to be a learning lesson. If your crush(B) is with someone else, you do not need to interfere if she is happy. Kind of put her feelings into play, and don’t pursue her. You clearly told her you had feelings for her and her response was “okay”. If that’s her response, then you just need to lay low. Move on from both girls.

There will be another girl out there. You’re thinking about your crush(B) only because you regret your decision. Don’t regret anything though. Use it as a learning lesson and move forward!

Best of luck 🙂

Jeff,

Leave it up to her to decide what to tell her family. It’s her shame and her disrespect that got you guys into this situation. Not yours. This is not your problem, this is hers. When it ces to the divorce, this is between you and her. This has nothing to do with each others families. It would be good if you both didn’t yell anyone what had happened. Can you imganine the drama and the extra stress? Plus, others opinions will confuse you.

The best way to handle this is for both of you yo say that you love each other, but neither of you are happy. You’re both confused about what you want and need time for your own life. When you say something like that, people don’t question your reasoning.

I think it is amazing what you decided to do. You will find someone who is deserving of you. I’m like you, hate and revenge are not a part of my vocabulary. I choose not to indulge or become a part of the negativity in the world. I feel that it is great that you do the same 🙂

Hi Tugalie:

I would first like to start by telling you this post broke my heart. In some cases I can relate, and I can explain how.

The difference between me and you is my mother and I have always been very close. However, I also suffered through mental abuse just like you. But the situations were very different. She’d never wish for another child, but she would do some damaging things.

My mom is a very good person, but she made some very bad mistakes. Growing up, I knew everything bad my mom did and she forced me to lie to my dad and keep secrets. She black mailed me as I became a teenager. She stole from me and stuff like that. Finally, my parents got a divorce a couple months ago. My mom lost her mind and become an extreme alcoholic. She used my mental disorder (Bipolar 2) against me saying that I do not understand because I’m bipolar. Shed use it constantly against me making me feel like shit about a disease that I can’t control. She would also threaten me and make me feel so guilty for things that I never did wrong. She even faked a suicide attempt which caused me to have acute PTSD for a short period of time.

Although I love my mother very dearly, I had to make a decision. After going through a lot of therapy, I realized how much damage my mother actually caused in my life. I never noticed it until then. I made the decision to take care of myself. That meant cutting her out. I live with my father, but I still have contact with her. However, as soon as the negativity starts, I shut her out. I have become a much happier person since then.

Trust me, she will not hurt herself. It is just a threat. I can say that most mental illnesses are genetic. You may have received it from her but the chances of her owning up to her problems are very slim.

Some things I need to know are the same questions the person above asked so we can figure out how to work this out together!

Carly,

I’m not going to tell you what to do to move on. I’m not going to tell you to get over him and that you can do so much better. You asked for help on how to handle emotions, and I’ll help you there.

My ex and I have a different story, but at the end of the day we are totally in love and best friends. However, we will never be able to be together due to some unfortunate circumstances.

Anyways, it’s been over a year and I’m still dealing with those emotions. Not as strong as when the break up happened, but they’re still there. When we broke up, I hit rock bottom. I was suicidal, failing classes, losing friends, etc. Just completely depressed. I didn’t do things for myself. I felt anger, sadness, regret, guilt, hurt, and confusion. I still occasionally feel that way. However, it is not as strong as before.

Let yourself grieve. Cry your eyes out every time you need to. Write down your feelings and then burn them. Each time you do that, it’s just a release. Focus on you. I’m sure you’ve heard that, but I’m not saying it in an annoying way. One of the good things I did after my break up, was I lost 20 pounds. I was originally 115 when my ex and I started dating. The day we broke up, I was 138. Now I’m 118. I did focus on working out and eating healthy. Every time I stop taking care of myself, I begin to fester about the situation.

Every time I focus on myself by doing positive things, I’m a lot better. That doesn’t prevent me from thinking about him and stop loving him. I love him very dearly, and I think about him almost everyday. I’m not guilty for any wrong doing in my relationship besides my depression interfering. Other than that, I was a great girlfriend. I did however, carry the guilt that I wasn’t supportive enough for him. He didn’t want my support through his drinking and drug days. The more I was there, the more I pushed him away. After a while, I realized my presence wasn’t helping, it was only hurting. Now, even though we cannot be together, he tells me all the time how much he regrets letting me go. Every time he needed me, he did reach out to me.

My point is, sometimes the only way for a person to get better, is by “losing” someone very important to them. I do not mean actually losing you, but your presence isn’t helping him right now. If he wants space to work on himself, he wants space. Give him that. What stopped me from feeling so guilty is when I realized how much I was truly helping him by not being around. He had to work on himself and grow on his own. Unfortunately, through his alcohol and drugs phase, he ended up impregnating another woman who he is not happy with. If this wasn’t the situation, I think we would get back together. I have grown so much from this, and so has he. You giving him his space will help him figure himself out. This will help you figure yourself out.

Keep the door open. If he contacts you, contact him back! Don’t reach out to him if he doesn’t want you to. However, I’m not saying wait around for him and stop your life. Continue to move forward (I like saying moving forward rather than moving on). Eventually, he will have to open the door again, and if he doesn’t you will have to start going on dates. Right now, he patient. Check in on him maybe once a month. Let him come to you. Cry as much as you need. Understand that right now you are grieving. It is natural to feel guilt, anger, sadness, etc. Do things that make you happy so you don’t have to constantly think about things. I definitely recommend therapy!

Good luck!