I can’t say I ever felt that way regarding the death scene. I didn’t have any problems with my family back then and I never felt that I lost my innocence or the false image of a loving parent. I always felt the death scene was touching because it featured raw human emotions and emotion is contagious. My greatest inner fear is losing my loved ones, it’s always been that and I guess that’s why it affected me so much. In fact I always feared losing Jerry too… I always feared doing something that would lead to her abandoning me. I even confessed it to her and she just laughed and told me we’ll always be together. But my fear turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I do admit the reason for lashing out at Jerry is grounded in my past experiences which we discussed much in previous posts… especially that foul encounter with the neighbour.

Okay… yes, agreed about patience. 🙂

Having seen the film, I don’t feel Simba ever cherished being treated special in particular. He and Mufasa just shared a wonderful father-son bond and he loved his father more than anyone and anything else. In fact just before the stampede scene, after Mufasa saves Simba from another dangerous situation and scolds him for putting himself in danger, there’s a really sweet scene of them playing under the stars which affects me as badly as the death scene itself. Simba’s pain touched me because around the time I first watched the movie, my grandfather passed away. I guess those memories come back when I remember it.

I had known Jerry for two and a half years prior to this incident and I never felt the greed to be extra special to her. I knew how much I meant to her and I cherished it… but the feelings of jealousy did not come until much later. I guess as we grew closer, I developed feelings unconsciously and never realized how much she had grown in my heart.

That’s so touching, Anita. Even I can’t hold back tears to this day while watching that scene… that’s why I generally skip it. I agree that the kind of love Tintin had for Chang and Mufasa for Simba, I have for Jerry. Not boasting but its just a simple fact that my heart agrees with. I know I too would be willing to put myself in line for her if she ever needs. Whether that is the kind of love I need her to have for me… truthfully, while I could not ask for anything more divine in my life, I don’t demand and expect that of her. I know I was too blinded by possessiveness earlier this year. But I know that even if she continues to hate me and consider me a pervert and monster, I’ll still love her as much until the end.

Tintin and Mufasa did have other people they loved and cared for as well, though of course Chang and Simba had a special place in their lives. I cannot deny the truth of the rest of the paragraph, though. It makes me feel guilty as it feels like such a selfish thought. I know it’s not right either as everybody has a special place in someone’s life, and I know I myself had a most special place in Jerry’s life. She called it a “unique bond nobody will ever be able to replace or break”. I wish I had just been satisfied with it instead of being greedy. But then… as soon as she found out about my feelings, she began saying we don’t know each other that well, she always had doubts about my purity of character, etc. Her beliefs caused this disaster… I know the real Jerry who loves me is still in there, somewhere. And yes… after accepting my feelings, I did not mind the thought of her loving anyone else (platonically) but if she called me “brother”, I knew I am nothing in front of her blood brother for her and someday when I got to know she’s going to be married… how would I deal with my feelings then? All this makes my head spin.

I guess it was several years back when I had been supporting an online petition to get the complete orchestral film score of The Lion King released by Disney Music. That music means a lot to me on a personal level, and it was always my dream to own a wholesome version of it instead of the 15 minutes released on the commercial CD. Everybody I met told me that the release is impossible as the general public does not listen to orchestral music, online petitions seldom work and told me to remain satisfied with a cheap sounding bootleg version that was floating around online. I still used to post the petition link everywhere possible, emailed a lot of people and worked on it for almost 6 years. Eventually, the composer Hans Zimmer himself seems to have noticed our efforts (if his interviews are to be read) and slowly things got into motion. Finally the complete score was released two years back… coincidentally the release was announced on my birthday. 🙂

Perusing a seemingly fruitless venture may be a fantasy but like Tintin who persevered in what his heart believed, despite all his friends and all circumstantial evidence pointing otherwise, I believe that the path of true love is the hardest and most painful, but the right one.

Honestly speaking, I’m not expecting anything positive from her. I know she’s been blinded so deeply by her beliefs that she won’t see the truthfulness in my message… rather her sister will sit with her and point out all the hidden perverted meanings that the rapist swine Ravi has cleverly inserted in the message. If she ignores or rejects the message… doesn’t mean I’ll give up. Will just mean I’ll have to send some different kind of message later. Or if worst comes to worst, I’ll try to meet up with her in person someday. I’ll win her back or go to the grave trying. I just need my well wishers to stand by me even if its a seemingly fruitless venture.

I’m drafting the message. It’s not coming out as truthful and honest but more self-depricating. I’m still trying and will surely show you when I’m done. Is there any private messaging system available on this forum?

Not sure what else would she consider as “pure” as a bro-sis relationship. I had suggested to her that we can be just normal friends and clearly even that is unacceptable to her. Need to think this one over, what to say to her and how to put it in words.

I won’t refer to her sister, but some things I do feel like asking her. Like she says me developing feelings for her after 2 years shows her that I understood neither her nor her nature. So, did she and her sister succeed in understanding me? After those same two years, they call me a traitor and pervert… is that all they understood about me? Of course I don’t want to act in an aggressive manner, but being mostly meek and submissive from March doesn’t seem to affect her anymore. I probably need to be carefully assertive… somewhere between aggressive and submissive.

That’s right. And truthfully speaking, I have a feeling that her sister’s counseling (for lack of a better word) has turned her against me even more. Not that the latter is malicious, but both of them share this delusion that the Indian culture’s dogmas are the ultimate truth, a boy no longer has the right to even quietly develop feelings for a girl once they call each other brother and sister, etc. I’m not saying that developing the aforementioned feelings is fully right, but breaking relations and treating me like a pervert and traitor is just extreme. I know that she’s being cold even towards a couple of mutual friends who had given her messages from me (neutrally, in one case). She and her sister totally believe that whatever they do/think is The Right Thing ™ and everybody else is wrong. I don’t know how to make her see sense.

I agree with your views regarding what would be right to send her. But some points really need to be considered in this regard before sending her anything.

1) She presently thinks the absolute worst of me. No matter how much she says “I have no anger towards you”, she’s fooling only herself. 90% chance is, she will delete my message without reading, and in the remaining 10%, she’ll read the first couple of lines at most and then ditch it. The opening lines have to be such that hold her attention somehow, long enough to persuade her to read on.

2) She has a tendency to take wrongly everything I say, look for hidden bad meanings in there, twist them to fit as a target for her beliefs. Even if she doesn’t, her sister is omnipresent to do the honours for her. The message needs to be clear-cut so they cannot easily make straw man arguments out of it. At the same time, I wish she somehow realizes that she must use her own mind and not let her sister keep influencing her.

3) She is extremely stubborn (now), refuses to consider any views contradicting hers and believes firmly that any relationship between a boy and girl other than brother/sister is unholy/filthy/sinful/whatever. Yep, even simple friendship. It’s bro-sis or nothing. Now that it doesn’t seem to be an option anymore (me calling her sis no longer seems to have any effect), I don’t understand what to say to her.

I was waiting for another friend to come up so she can advise me regarding this too… maybe then I’ll try to draft a message. Thank you so much, Anita. Truly.

Thanks Anita. I’m not optimistic, rather I’m scared and unsure. But I’m not one who gives up on what my heart genuinely believes in. I know I’ll persevere and succeed or die trying… no matter how long it takes. I need guidance on how to make her see through her delusional views which have blinded her.

Will do those, yeah. But truthfully speaking I’m feeling no happiness or enthusiasm within.