Somewhat off topic but Alice Miller The Drama of the Gifted Child, is about how sometimes even in therapy, people are not supported in healthy ways. I don’t know why but that popped in my mind at your comment. She gives a nice historical context too, In I think it’s called For Your Own Good, explains how one’s parents denial leads to the child’s pain, so we relive the things that scared our grandparents the most. Fascinating. Oh and an old one called Leaving the Enchanted Forest, I always found useful too. People always recommend Beattie, but I haven’t read her. hmm, I think I’ll read these again too. Good luck.

“Angry is just sad’s bodyguard” Liza Palmer

also yoyo, I’m probably just reading my stuff into it, but worry more about how you feel, and why you do what you do
He could be using emotional upset to control you without even knowing he’s doing it.
I’m not criticizing just step back and say, Do I want to see that person? Do I feel okay with the way that interaction went?
Do I feel safe/loved/nourished in this relationship? If not, then take some space for you. Good luck.

“When you give another person the power to define you, then you also give them the power to control you.”
― Leslie Vernick, The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It

Do you know what a left brain trapped intellectual is? Your question presupposes the existence of a correct answer to every situation. You could play with all sorts of interesting practice around this. Keep a journal:
first day flip a coin, heads yes do it immediately, tales no let it ride
second day flip the channel or pick up a book and read at random, use it like a fortune cookie, do whatever randomness suggests
third day do the opposite of whatever you think you should
fourth day reevaluate and read your journal, what FEELS most comfortable

A therapist once strongly pointed out for me what Jeena is saying. A feeling is a nudge an intution about the correct response
anger means “i’d rather not” “not for me”
boredom means “myeh”
Happiness means “pursue”

If you get stressed after thinking of a problem, that is not Feeling, that is not your mind, or the universe, that is dysfunctional thought. Just practice letting it go or play with it. ; )

PS my brain is on overdrive as well, try music or Khan academy!

it’s late but I wanted to reply
I studied dance for fifteen years and then had a terrible car wreck. My fitness kept me unparalyzed and alive, but, there was no more dancing. I became extremely depressed and angry (my mother was high when she broke my back). It took years, therapy (some of which was comped, alot of which came from students in internships) yoga, swimming, physical therapy. But, through all of that I learned to sit. I learned tremendous amounts about the Self, and how other people’s see the life system and it’s goals. In retrospect if I had not had that accident, I would not be me. I have three great kids, a great education, and an incredible appreciation for little stuff. I love food, dancers don’t get to eat! at all! I love movies, I love books, I spend glorious time with my Self. I feel the chi in every millimeter of my body. I’ve learned over years to push it around with my mind. I changed my religion. I moved to the other coast. I moved back and forth twice. I spent a summer in Ireland with my three year old with no money and no plans. We had a blast. Find something to do tomorrow. Something you really love. Do something every day to love yourself. It’s a long road. But, it is worth travelling.

Just a few thoughts Kate. Grieving something as serious as a marriage takes at least a year, even if you are an emotional athlete. There’s a movie Blue. Painful, but brilliant. Also you’re over the hump and on the downhill now.

Maybe you’re supposed to be in the new country and the universe just used him as a bridge. Even if you’re going through hell, you have to keep going through right or you’ll never get out. You can’t go back, ever.

You should know I’m at twenty eight days since he left. So six months seems like you’re miles up ahead to me.

Maybe you should have a kid. I know that’s terrible advice, but I had a kid years before I got married, and I had a tremendous since of family since then. Maybe you should adopt or just use a sperm donor, and not worry about the one till it falls on your head.

This is really silly, but it is so much easier to live when I get to decide what’s for dinner, on the TV, what to read, if I’m going to the beach.

Oh and one more thing someone said to me once. I was all “we were so good together, there was this time it was magic” blah, blah, blah, “how could he turn his back on that” and the response was “those were your experiences, you still have them, they didn’t go anywhere.”

Have some more of your experiences…I’m making a full roast and veg today for me and my wee ones…what do you deserve today? What will you give yourself?

“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.”
― Diane Von Furstenberg

“Honestly, i want to be away from her and maintain as much distance as possible till i feel normal around her ”

It’s good to know what you want. You have a right to boundaries. You don’t have to be everyone’s agony aunt, (I like that phrase).

If I am totally off base ignore me please. But, as another agony aunt, in recovery, I wonder is there maybe a substance abuse issue here. You might check out Al Anon. I for one was astonished that we are a whole species of servers raised to deal with the pain and general crazy of others. If it’s not for you that’s fine, they have some good literature too.

I believe it was Conversations With God, i’m not sure but, somewhere I heard, “now you crave, solitude, that’s good” Now you can want your own company and your own accomplishments. I give you permission. ; )

“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.”
Albert Camus

I once felt this way. Exactly, I picked a school, started on my GRE’s and did them every day, every minute, completely obsessively. It worked. At this time, if you don’t have children and you want to go abroad to teach. Focus, make it happen, study, apply, get your certificate. It’s okay to be in your head. It’s okay to be just for you. Learn to skate, study, go fishin, what ever floats your boat, just manifest your energy to where you want to be. Good Luck.