Dear @anita,

While growing up the focus in my house was strictly on studies. I had an addiction to playing computer games and rarely went outside with the children of my own age to play. I was an intense kid who threw tantrums and became angry at small instances. If I try to recall my childhood then it was spent either studying or playing computer games.

During school hours, I had a few friends with whom I used to talk. I rarely interacted with anyone whom I didn’t know at school. I used to envy others at that time who could fit in easily with others. I was heavily socially awkward. I couldn’t make small talk with anyone and was offended easily. This continued to my college days where I spent time with a few friends only. Anxiety used to grip me hard if I had to talk to anyone else even in my own batch. After completing my college, I only had a handful of people with whom I interacted during my stint. Out of my batch of 100 odd people, I think I had never or rarely interacted with around 60 of them. That is hugely large considering that we lived in the same building with rooms next to each other.

It was only after completing my college that I understood all this and undertook remedial steps for the same.

Dear @Mark,

Thanks for sharing your views with me. I am comfortable with a few friends and can talk with them in those friend circles.

My issue is that most of my friendships were with people who were emotionally distant. The guy who was my good friend in school has always been distant from everyone. Same is the case with my college roommate. Even though I cared enormously in the respective time frames, I lost touch with them over time as we grew apart with time.

Recently, I met with a couple of my friends from school days. They all drink heavily and have a passion for music. After school days, they bonded over these factors while they were in nearby colleges. This resulted in a very strong bond between them. Similarly, most of the other people whom I know have a few really close bonds in their lives.

I feel sad for myself sometimes over the lack of such bonds. I would be starting a new chapter of my life soon in graduate studies in a different country. I do not want to repeat such a thing again.

Dear @anita,

Thanks for sharing your views with me. You are correct in the regard that I had a very strong female presence while growing up. Despite that, I grew up to be really antisocial and had trouble talking to people especially females. I didn’t realize this during my college days but it was while starting my job where I realized that I could not keep a conversation for more than a few minutes with anyone especially girls. The symptoms were those of Social Anxiety Disorder. I gradually overcome those and am in a better place right now. I think that societal pressure in my environment where it was a taboo to talk with girls attributed to my repressed personality. Additionally, the environment in which I grew was intense and we rarely joked around with each other. Despite the negative effects, I and my siblings grew up to be really successful for which I am grateful to my parents.

After I started on my journey to become a better self, I was often confused with respect to consuming alcohol and other social aspects. I think this confusion led me to be cocooned and avoid other people.

What do you think about this?