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Rosie

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  • June 22, 2024 at 6:49 am #434131
    Rosie
    Participant

    Wishing you all the best.
    You can try separating yourself from the thoughts (metacognition if you want to look it up) – ‘oh, I notice that thought about suicide is passing through my mind again’. Don’t judge it. It’s electrical impulses and neurones doing their thing. It’s no more meaningful than any other passing thought and will fade when the next pop-up thought appears.
    Of course, if you are having urges to kill yourself then you are aware that you need professional help. Suicide is a problem-solving failure when the desperate individual can’t think of alternatives to manage their suffering.
    Sending a hug.

    June 22, 2024 at 6:48 am #434135
    Rosie
    Participant

    Hi

    I note Tommy’s comment above- unless you are forced to live in a traditional society it isn’t generally viewed as a man’s role to ‘provide’. (I’m nearly 60, a doctor and in the UK). Money is important to survive, but evidence suggests that above a certain level it doesn’t bring more happiness.

    Values are crucial in any relationship, whether intimate or not.
    Jealousy means the man views you as his and is concerned that he is not good enough to keep you. Fair enough if you start spending masses of time with an interested special other, but a red flag otherwise.
    ‘Stroppy’ and ‘judgemental’ – sounds like he has a lot of work to do on maturing (and that isn’t necessarily an age thing!)
    You know that you can’t change him and it doesn’t sound as though he’s prepared to do the work on his issues.
    Move on, work on developing yourself in line with your values and that will attract the sort of people who deserve to be with you in mature, trusting relationships.
    Sending a hug.
    Rosie

    June 22, 2024 at 6:46 am #434130
    Rosie
    Participant

    You sound understandably confused and upset. He wanted sex and got it. You haven’t ‘lost’ your virginity- you had sex for the first time with someone who didn’t want a long term relationship with you.  If someone enjoys spending time with you then they will want to spend time with the genuine you. Don’t change yourself to suit another AND we can all work on making ourselves better versions (it will depend on your values – I’m not talking appearance). Always work on developing yourself into the sort of person you’d like to be and that will attract the sort of other people that you want to be with.
    The hurt will heal and you will have learnt some valuable lessons about your self worth from this interaction.

     

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