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Louise

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  • September 28, 2017 at 3:41 pm #170847
    Louise
    Participant

    Well an update. I left. As I told him he started to drink vodka from a pint glass and after about 20 minutes of talking put his fist through a mirror – my exit time…he went straight for the I know I’ve been bad but I can’t help it, it’s not my fault line. I understand mental health issues, it is part of my job to do so – but he is fully aware of his behaviours and makes no effort to seek help or to listen to other view points. He chooses when to behave inappropriately and when not.

    Texting me descriptions of how things could be if I’d only come back no longer washes. I’m hoping he is starting to come to terms with it now – it was a shock and he’s not as far along the process as me.

    thank you all for your advice and support. I’m happier than I have been in a very long time and putting my life back together!

    August 8, 2017 at 11:27 pm #162980
    Louise
    Participant

    Well, as an update – I’ve just spent my last night in the house. I’m here with a van, I’ve already removed 4 car loads of my things, the van is for the last bits. My husband is away with work but returns tomorrow and I will tell him then. I am also seeing a solicitor tomorrow morning.

    In terms of guilt, I did an interesting exercise of life mapping as part of a course I am completing. I realised how many times I have felt left out or rejected as a child in social relationships, after changing schools when I was 8. This led to me settling in relationships for men that would have me, regardless of whether or not I wanted them – I convinced myself I did out of relief -“see, you’re not going to end up alone!” I’ve spent my adult life people pleasing after falling into a pattern of trying to make people like me as a child. Tomorrow will be the ultimate exercise in NOT people pleasing which is, I think, why it feels so uncomfortable.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 3 months ago by Louise.
    July 31, 2017 at 12:10 pm #161362
    Louise
    Participant

    Thanks Lucy. I think that’s part of the issue for me – he won’t acknowledge any issues. It will feel like a shock when I tell him even though we argue about these things regularly. Each time it is as if it is the first time the problem has been raised – every time. I know I can’t change our relationship alone but I’m the only who is willing to acknowledge changes need to be made.

    He is away for 2 weeks and I’m taking this time to move my personal items from the house. Not the way I would like to do it but the best way for me as he won’t be there raging. I’m dreading telling him but excited about what happens once it’s done and life starts again.

    Anita, in terms of the guilt – and how I’ve got to a point where I have accepted this behaviour for so long, I’m working on that!

    July 24, 2017 at 7:29 am #159878
    Louise
    Participant

    Thanks so much both. I should have said in my original post, I absolutely have no intention of having children with him anymore – as you rightly state Anita, it would be the wrong step on all levels! It’s more the hurt and disappointments that past actions have left behind.

    I think I’m struggling with guilt at putting my needs first rather than his. I needed to put it down and see it in print, I think that helps to view it differently – you know how they say try and hunk what you’d say if it was a friend coming to you about it?

    I really appreciate the opportunity to vent.

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