Hi Anita

My name isn’t Qi, but that’s what I call myself for the past 20 years (starting as my gamer’s name), so I think it is my actual name. I’m a man of 58, have a family, a very good and challenging job. I’m a kind of IT specialist, engineer and innovator. I work in IT R&D for a large company, analytics, big data. My kids are grown up, did good studies and are starting their own families. I live in Holland which is one of the happiest countries in the world. I love my wife and she loves me. We have intelligent and long talks about all kinds of things. I love to go home at the end of a working day.
I have nothing to complain about. I try to never complain either. I try to see the positive in everything. I remember past lives (if they actually existed or not) and that helps in understanding my goals in life.
My problem is that I’m not happy. I’ve seen many doctors about this, talked and talked. In the end there were the right pills (after many wrong ones) that finally helped a bit. The last doctor said I would have to take these for the rest of my life, then said goodbye. The pills take the peaks off my emotions, but don’t make me happy.
I have been looking at Tiny Buddha for many years, and other sites that might help. I’m not asking for an solution or even an answer. This is the first time ever that I write down my thing. Just to see how writing it down feels.

-Qi