Thank you Anita, as silly as it sounds I never believed I was allowed to create my own version of “peaceful mother” based on my own spiritual needs. Just reading your suggestion gives me pause to think that maybe I could replace those negative memories with positive, warm, loving images to help heal the broken parts inside me.

Thank you Geoffrey for sharing those details. I do believe that some people are made to come into our lives at certain points for limited time. I hope you continue to find peace and understanding within that relationship.

Thank you Elle for sharing your story. I hear you. I hope you find peace within your relationship as well. My post was not in any way trying to “bash” anyone. Our relationship at work was not open, nor did either of us want it to be. So there was no badmouthing or involvement of anyone else we worked with. It was a backstory to my heartache and a opportunity to try to understand why in letting those we care about go, the hurt and longing for them continue to haunt our souls. Even after we think we have accepted it. Anita had stated that it could be “attachment and acceptance” issues to those who have failed to nurture and care for us in the past. I tend to agree with her and appreciated the options she shared. I realize it was never about him – my attachment was about what he represented and how badly I wanted his approval, acceptance and validation. I mistakenly believed it needed to come from “someone” and really, it may be that ‘someone” could be within myself – as another peaceful mother.

Peace and Light

Anita – Could you share a little more about your “chosen mother”. How you thought of her? What characteristics she has? What situations you call out to her?

I have created a very close relationship with a co-worker that is toxic to my life. Yet I seem unable to let him go. Despite months of therapy, very much like Geoffrey, I feel like I have accepted he can no longer be a part of my present. I have blocked his number from my phone, deleted him on social media, refused to entertain social situations where he will be. But the nagging feelings of confusion and anxiety are only silenced when I consider that we will some day return to friends/lovers? Part of the problem is that he is more than willing to perpetuate that fantasy (for his own gain). In reviewing my feelings, I have found that it is more the “attributes” he possesses that keep me engaged. He has such a strong personality, well respected in the workplace, intelligent, charismatic, but manipulative to a fault and completely self absorbed. So in reality, it’s not about him as a person, but more about me needing his approval, validation, acceptance.

The bizarre part of this situation is I do have a very loving, caring, supportive, dedicated partner at home. He is nothing like this coworker. He shares none of the destructive behaviors my coworker displays. Therefore, I am dealing with a deep seated connection that stems from previous relationships I have had. Maybe creating a “Chosen mother” to take the place of this destructive force in my life would help.

Thank you for any suggestions. Peace & love