Dear Teak,

It’s great to hear from you! Welcome back after such a long time.

how are you doing? how is life on your side?

“My health is so-so, still suffering from health anxiety. And it is not helping that I have various health issues (smaller but not insignificant) popping up rather frequently… which kind of gives me the reason to worry. So it’s hard to break free from the cycle of worrying… Anyway, I am working on it, hopefully will see some results soon.”

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you’re keeping up with your daily check-ups. Please do share any results with me and let me know how you’re doing.

“congratulations on getting married in your homeland too! And having a big wedding that you enjoyed, despite your family not being super happy about it.”

Thank you very much! It’s hard to believe, but it’s already been nearly three months. Time really does fly by, doesn’t it?

“It’s not your mom’s fault – it’s just how she was raised and what she knew. But she also gave you a lot of physical touch and cuddling, which is super important, and she was also never abusive (she never criticized you, yelled at you, shamed you, or emotionally manipulated you). This all means that you did get a lot of her love, only it wasn’t complete. As you yourself said, emotional protection and support was missing… but now you are getting it from your husband, and are also giving it to yourself. Which is why you’ve had a major healing!”

You’re right, it’s not my mom’s fault. She’s full of love. But sometimes, I feel sad. I wonder sometimes who I really have in this world. My mom is very old now, and sometimes she doesn’t even recognize me. My dad passed away, and my siblings treat me like I’m worthless. It hurts a lot sometimes. I struggle with a lot of anxiety, maybe because I’m afraid of being abandoned. Sometimes, I wish I was stronger mentally and had healthier thoughts.

When I’m with my husband, he’s calm. He doesn’t feel anxious like I do. But if someone doesn’t reply to me, I start feeling like I did something wrong. I’ve always felt afraid and guilty, like I’m always in the wrong.

Peace

Dear Anita,

it felt nice to read your post ,although you are technically challenged i am glad  that you expressed emotions .

i hope you are doing well .

as i am going through exams right now ..i have 2 exams after 10 days with 1 day gap ..

i would be in touch soon..

Peace

Dear Teak,

How are you doing .its been a lomg time that i dint write back .

“I think it’s actually good that you’ve started reflecting more on the relationship between you and your mother, and want to explore it further. You say she is a sweet person, but emotionally distant. Was she emotionally distant also before the onset of her dementia?From what I’ve understood about your childhood, you haven’t received much personal attention from your mother, because she was very busy, having many children to take care of. She also was busy helping her relatives, if I remember well? Perhaps all those were factors that contributed to her feeling emotionally distant.You say she is introverted. Perhaps that means she wasn’t really talking too much about her own feelings either, perhaps stuffing them down, and so this contributed to her not being attuned to your (and your siblings’) feelings either?”

When I think about love, my mom’s love is the first thing that comes to mind. She was always there for me. I remember her arms, the hands that fed me, and her lap, where I would rest my head even though I was getting older. I used to hug her while sleeping, even when I was 12-13 years old. I recall feeling very sad at times and even wishing for death, but then I’d think about how my mom would be without me. It was clear to me, even at that young age, that she loved me unconditionally. However, I felt lonely because she couldn’t understand that I needed protection and emotional support.

My mom was quiet and not big on expressing herself. Our family followed the older tradition where having a family and kids was normal, and they didn’t think much beyond basic needs like food, clothes, and getting married. It was usual in our culture for older siblings to take care of the younger ones.

During my childhood, my mom was always nice,kinf,loving but not expressive. She never said no to anything I asked, and she never scolded me. She was really kind. But what was missing for me was the feeling of being taken care of. I wished my parents would be more concerned about me, wondering where I was if I disappeared for a bit. Unlike other kids’ parents, mine didn’t ask about my day. It felt like I wasn’t really looked after or belonged to anyone, and that made me feel lonely and i used to look for attention and love from others .

Hahhaha thank you sooo much for congratulating me .. thank you Anita 🙂

Hallo dearest Anita,
I had a surgery of a fibroid in uterus wall which was growing like crazy it was around 7 cm and was continuously increasing size .. I needed to take its size .after a long time I finally decided to get rid of this. So now I m feeling a lot better . I really Wana have a family of my own now but I guess I need to wait more 4-5 months so that my body heals in good way . I m excited for this 🙂

Sorry i couldnt write further in october and November ..and guess what ?????

i went to my homeland in December and got married there FINALLLYYYYY…. we had a huge marriage cermony and ofcourse my family was not interested much but i dint care much..because i was happy and i knew i was making a right choice 🙂

i cant think of being so much confident in my life even after disappointing alot to people in life .. what does it called ?? freedom ?

Now we are finally in Germany again .

Dear Teak,

how are you now ? how is your mental health?

i want to write more and reply you later 🙂