Thanks to both of you for your replies.

@Anita- Isn’t it though a possibility for a man to be arranged to be married with a woman he genuinely likes

Well I don’t like the thought about meeting a girl just because the parents have arranged it. We might talk and like each other there on, but would that girl have talked to me, been attracted to me and would we have clicked, had we met on our own in some place? The honest answer is probably not. That girl would probably talk to me just because her parents wanted her to or my own parents hyped me up or said good things about me. And I find something innately wrong with the whole system of arranged marriages in Indian culture. Most arranged marriages occur after seeing horoscopes (silly right?), parents discussing the financial capabilities of both families, future plans, so on. It is more like buying sheep in a market. The parents are checking the fatness and the milk producing capabilities of the cattle they are buying for one another. Or at least that’s what I feel. And people who are conditioned for arranged marriages are perfectly fine with it, even the girl and the guy. They spend most of their life trying to make themselves seem fattened enough for the market (like getting multiple degrees, earning well, buying a house, getting citizenship in some far off country, so on). Love is the last criteria seen. That is wrong or at least seems wrong for me. It feels like I didn’t earn the love of the girl. I am buying or being bought or auctioned is what arranged marriage seems like. And the joy of finding your partner on your own or your life bringing them to you, through work, or during travel is rather special. To be able to get to know a girl, without the interference of the parents, to learn about each other is a liberty not many are given over here. In an arranged marriage the couples are not allowed to interact much before engagement and they are given several months to get to know each other after engagement. I don’t feel free enough to know someone after engagement which is itself like a lock. There is significant pressure on you to not break an engagement and what if you get to know someone and not like them after engagement? And if you are engaged and break the engagement more than twice, people perceive that there is something wrong with you and even see u as unreliable. Casual courtship is not that prevalent over here. People have themselves have gotten separated into two sections. One section is too conservative and another is too liberal. I’m right in the center. And what joy it is to find a girl on your own, earn her love, and bring her to your parents, only to find them liking her more and appreciate you that you have made the right decision. That is something I dream of every day. Love can be complicated, but the process of finding love being this complicated is hellish.

Nina, Anita, Kritika, Inky, Jennifer, Xenopus Tex, Manish, Greta- Thank you all for your replies. I had written that when I was undergoing an emotional outburst. I know many of it is childish. I have been doing some thinking of my own based on your replies. Yes I do have some confidence issues, but I’m trying to improve myself on it. And yes much of the people on this planet are undergoing sufferings of all sorts that you and I do not have to undergo. I do not feel jealous of it. Then why should I be jealous of the good things that others have undergone? I should instead be happy that they have undergone the good they have and I have to believe that I would too some day. Certain good things wouldn’t ever happen to you, but that is ok, cos those “good” that they enjoyed, might not actually be good in your life. I mean I’m too sensitive to undergo breakups, which many of my friends had to endure, even as they enjoyed the good side like love, sex and romance with multiple people over the years. I rather wait and get a single lover at the right time and be with her for the rest of my life than jump around. Each life and situation is different. Rather than seeing what is missing, I should start thinking of what I’ve been blessed with. Life is no race. What if I haven’t flown in an airplane before. I might get to eventually. (But I got to say one thing though. Flying might not be a great thing for many of you, perhaps you have done it so often. For someone who hasn’t experienced it and who has been longing for that experience, it is a wondrous thing for me. Don’t know honestly if I will love it once I experience it myself.) Nonetheless, God knows what’s best for me and everything happens for a good reason. I will believe in that and I will try to enjoy and appreciate all the good in life. Nothing beats being grateful for the good in life. I will try to make myself a better person, slowly, but surely, with my best efforts. Thanks a lot, all of you for your kind words.

P.S: I might post some more childish posts during future emotional outbursts, so apologies for that. I will eventually get better.

Thank you so much for your reply Nina. It’s been very comforting to read through your words. I couldn’t thank you enough. I am trying to keep a positive outlook and I pray all will be well soon. It was just a very tough period, when my emotions were going crazy that I wrote down the above posts. It’s a great relief that people like you reply with warm and kind words. Owe the people in Tiny Buddha big time. Thanks once again

Peter, Anita, Decima and VJ, thank you so much for your responses. It feels so good to see people understand and respond without criticism or mockery. This is something I couldn’t share with many people in real life for I fear they will see me weak (which in an emotional sense is true). All your words have really been comforting and encouraging. Wish I had people like you when those actual days come. Thanks. Will do what I could to tackle this.