I wanted to reach out to someone lately

I don’t know where to start. I have a loving mother and the only one in my family who understands me but I have been feeling very distant from her lately, mostly because she has been unwell and feels lethargic. Moreover I hate my father. I always have from the get to. He used to hit me when I was younger (not too badly but he used to slap me a lot) he is very discouraging and authoritative . He doesn’t understand personal space. He hates me and keeps reminding me of my flaws. He has never appreciated me. I don’t even like to talk to him. I don’t feel safe around him and he makes me so anxious. I feel this is the reason why I feel left out whenever I am in a group. In my current group of friends too I feel like not speaking up and everything just fuels my anxiety. I really don’t know where to go from here.!