UPDATE

Hello there,

Thank you so much for your advice Anita. My husband and I are now separated and he is leaving the country, he wants to try and work on our relationship despite the distance as he still loves me. He says he has stopped gambling. I don’t know what to do and I can’t think straight as I am in love with the other man. I haven’t told my husband about the affair. I love him but I am not in love with him any more.

I continued seeing my engaged colleague (he is still engaged) and feels he should try and work on his relationship because he feels he owes it to his fiancée and doesn’t want to make a mistake. Despite this he has said he doesn’t love her. We continued to see each other occasionally and to text each other regularly for the past four months. We have seen each other and not had sex, as he is keen for me to believe that he isn’t just using me. A week ago he said that he wanted to have a few weeks “offline” and not be in touch as he has issues to sort out (family illness) and needs to get his head straight. He accepted that this was selfish and apologised but said he is really struggling with the situation. He is going away on holiday with his fiancée and her kids for a short time during the few weeks and he says he wants to see how this goes.

I am heartbroken. I know it serves me right for becoming involved with him and that I am also a cheat. I really miss him and I am worried that when he returns next week he will end things between us. It is hard to explain and I must come across as delusional, but we do have strong feelings for each other and have done since meeting over three years ago. When he said he didn’t love his fiancée I believed him and thought that there was no way he could marry her but people do get married even if they aren’t in love and he may do that as he wouldn’t want to let her down.

Can anyone advise me on how to proceed on the following:
1. If he comes back and wants to carry on the affair whilst still not giving up his fiancée?
2. If he ends things, how do I cope?
3. Should I try to work things out with my husband?

If I were advising someone else I know what I would say, when it is me dealing with this situation and having these feelings it is incredibly difficult to know what to do.

Thank you for reading!