Hi Both,

Thanks for your advice.

I feel like your understanding of my banter/teasing is abusive – I wouldn’t class it that high in regards to being abusive. I have experienced abuse in my life myself. She hasn’t always had this ‘reaction’ to our communications, & to be completely honest, she can match this behaviour sometimes too. I really do not think a little bit of a laugh & teasing is being abusive or receiving abuse. Maybe I worded it wrong in which you have picked it up – the way I see it in regards to myself, my partner, my dad & others is that we feel secure in ourselves & find it funny when we tease each other. It is light hearted, none of us mean any harm by it & its not things really horrible like “you are a f**king stupid person” if one of us do something silly it’s like “ahh Poppy’s at it again haha” & I’ll laugh. I see it that I am secure in myself that I do not need to take offence or trigger to something someone says. Even if somebody in the street shouted abuse at me, I wouldn’t retaliate or shout abuse back, because I am not who they say I am. They don’t know me, so how can I take something offensively or seriously?

I do ask open leading questions, I don’t say do this do that. But I’m just going to stop all together & no I haven’t experienced exactly what she has, but I’ve had struggles too. In regards to the communication yeah I think I will keep it short & sweet.

Anita – would you say I’m the impossible sister then? Could you explain why you feel this way? Open to suggestions & improvements

Hi Anita,
Ok, I can see where this is going, & I understand what you mean – I guess I didn’t look at it in that way.

The way I see it is that myself & my partner, along with my Dad & all my best friends constantly banter each other on a daily basis, we wind each other up & say things that maybe others probably wouldn’t find funny. This is our main way of communicating & I would say we interact in this type of conversations 90% of the time, so for me this is ‘normal’, I guess for my sister it isn’t & maybe finds it hard to separate having a laugh/banter with me, to me being offensive & rude to her, because previously she may have, in her eyes, experienced me doing so? I think I’m on the right tracks.

I can’t really pinpoint the name calling for an example but she just seems to explode rather than have a adult conversation with me (shes 32) which consists of name calling and is always assuming that everything I say, even positive, is negative. If I were to cancel plans on her for example because I’ve been asked to work or I am poorly, rather than accepting it & rescheduling she would take it personally & come across as if I’ve cancelled plans on purpose, or for another reason – basically think’s I’m lying.

Sorry Peter,

I’ve just looked over this thread & didn’t see your original post, I’ve only seen it now? Weird!

I’ll need to re read it again because I got a bit confused with what you’re saying, once in in a quiet place later I will re read, but agree with most of what I picked up from it. I do listen calmly & I don’t allow this frustration to change my behaviours in the moment (or at least I don’t think I do) it’s more after that I look over the discussions I’ve had, especially if I see them again & they present exactly the same problem.

Anita – yes you’re right, I can do this with my mum so I should be able to do this with those students.

Hi Anita,

I think you’re spot on.

In reality if it were that easy there wouldn’t be such a thing as counsellors & therapists etc. So, I understand why I feel this way, bit how can I change it? Haha. Because in my previous post I was still ‘stuck’. I recognise this pattern if frustration but can never seem to let it go.. I’ve also come across two interesting jobs, but because they’re prodominantly based around children & bahviour, I wonder how my feelings will stand up day in day out.